Pension - I have none and I’m a little unsettled by DHs response!

[EllyRoff]

So last night I got to thinking about pensions and realised I don’t have one! I’m no longer working (I make a small amount of money through art which DH has always been supportive with). I did have an NHS pension when I was working but DH convinced me to come out of it due to the high payments. There was barely anything in it anyway so I received the contributions back. Since then I’ve made very little contribution in national insurance etc.

DH has always said I’ll be fine in retirement as we have his good pension - but last night I thought “what if he died? Does the pension automatically come to me?” Turns out that no - it doesn’t. It goes to a named beneficiary.

So this morning I asked DH if I was named on his pension - he said “don’t worry, you’d get a state pension” !!! I said “what, £60 a week? I have none pension! Am I named on yours?” He said “why don’t you start a little savings account?”

So I’m not named on yours then?? He said “of course you are, I mean - I’ll check but I’m sure you are”. I’m very unnerved by his response - firstly his lack of concern!! Secondly his reluctance to confirm that I’m named on it. He says he’ll check today.

AIBU here? You’d think he’d want me to be ok in his death surely? Especially since it was him that convinced me to give up my own pension. He is 10 years older than me so not massively unreasonable to consider he might die before me.

If you ever end up divorcing him, get a pensions sharing order.
He needs to maintain you as named as his beneficiary on his expression of wish form whilst he’s alive & married to you. You’ll either get a lump sum, reduced pension for life or combination of both - depends on the type of plan.

All that said, you do need to become financially independent.

Why are you not named on his beneficiary.

You won't get state pension if you haven't paid in enough either.

You need to get this sorted ASAP

If you aren’t next of kin for his pension, who is?

Named beneficiaries on pensions can be changed with a click OP. I’d be very concerned with his response. Start a private pension for yourself ASAP and start making significant contributions (I would at least match it to his contributions, so say if he is contributing 10% of pay to his pension I would contribute 10% of the household income to mine). And then look for a job.

Some men have been known to put their mothers or their children.

As others have said you should check your pension record to see how many years you have credited. If not full you can pay NI voluntarily, like you I make a small income from art so when I did my self assessment tax return I chose to pay very small NI. Stopped doing this when I had enough years. If you left work for medical reasons are you in receipt of any sickness related benefits? If so do they act to ‘cover’ contribution years.
I am assuming that neither of you are retired yet? When pensions (employment/private not state) start to pay out there is usually a ton of paperwork and choices so your DH should have seen then if you were the beneficiary.

Hello, im actually a chartered financial planner so hopefully can give you some practical tips.

1. Get a state pension forecast ASAP. You need 10 years NI to get ANYTHING and 35 years of NI contributions to get the full amount. If you are short, you can make voluntary contributions (these are worth it compared to a private pension!)

1. Please push DH to confirm nominations on his pension and preferably have this in writing. If you have kids, this isn't so much about you as it is them - they need to be provided for and you receiving his pension will assist with this.

1. Please check you both have valid Wills in place that dictate who assets will pass to in the event of first spouse to die.

1. If DH hasn't drawn his pension yet, find out the value of the pension pot (if a defined contribution pension) and the potential projected income from this. If a defined benefit/final salary pension, what would the dependent's income reduce to if he died whilst in payment or died before he drew it.

1. What does your expenditure look like now and how would that change if he died before you (e.g. less holidays, etc).

1. Based on your potential income on his death (your own earnings, state pension, his pension, etc) would this be enough to cover your outgoings? Note his state pension will stop on death - there are no residual benefits for spouses these days beyond short term bereavement payments which are small.

1. Do you have a mortgage or any other debts that would want to clear if he passed away?

1. Do you have life insurance that would pay out on his death? Either insurance you've sorted personally between you or insurance via his work (known as death in service). What lump sum would this pay out to you/the family and would it be sufficient to clear any outstanding debts?

1. Does he have income protection (either personally or via work) that would cover his income lost if he was suddenly too ill too work or had an accident. If not, could you both cover the bills from savings/assets until he was well enough to return to work.

Please share the above with him. This isn't something to be casual about and you are absolutely not being unreasonable in your worry. My hope is you're completely fine and don't need to do anything, but id you're concerned, please reach out to me and I'll send you my contact info.

I would imagine he’s just not sure and will not check and do it? I wouldn’t worry but would be glad he is now checking.

If you haven’t paid for 30 years into your NI you won’t get a state pension.

This is not true.

You can check what pension you will get using the link posted earlier in this thread.

Check out your pension forecast at https://www.gov.uk/check-state-pension
To qualify for full state pension you need to have paid at least 35yrs of N.I contributions.
To be fair, I am absolutely astounded that you let him talk you into giving up your NHS pension, whether or not there was much in it. I have a private pension that I haven't paid into for years but it still makes money. You need to stop relying on your husband and sort this out now before it is too late. Maybe talk to a financial adviser.

I thought it was standard - my DH’s (and mine, work in the same place) offer the same. Perhaps public sector pensions are less generous?

You’re in a very precarious position. If you were to ask for my advice, I would say you should definitely get back into some form of employment and start contributing to a pension. Do not rely on him. You simply cannot rely on a spouse to be there forever. It’s not realistic.

I know you have autism so perhaps some neurodiverse specific work coaching would work for you.

You’re angry with your husband for not considering your financial security in retirement even though that’s exactly what you’ve been doing for the past several decades?

Stop trying to pass the buck, OP. You’ve royally fucked up by cashing in your NHS pension and choosing not to work. You are responsible for your financial security, no one else. And saying that your husband was happy with you being an artist doesn’t absolve you of the blame for not working.

I checked and my named beneficiary on mine was my ex husband from 30 years ago. I'm on number 4 now! Can understand why he needs to check

if you left due to autism and anxiety you should be getting DLA or dong something with reasonable adjustments.

So who is his named beneficiary if it isn’t you ?

That’s worrying from your husband. You can start a little private pension of your own. If you’re not working you can save IIRC about £2800 a year and then you get a government top up of about £700. I’m a carer for our daughter so can’t work right now so have been doing that for a few years. It’s quite rubbish but better than nothing I guess?

Also check your NI payments you might be able to top up your State Pension if you don’t have enough contributions.

That's factually incorrect. Since Oct 2015 you are only eligible for a refund of employee contributions for a period of service less than 30 days

He's not taking it seriously and should realise what your situation would be if he died first. My DH didn't have a pension and I'd taken most my money out of schemes when I was young (and not wise), then didn't work while the DC were young. My DH didn't listen to my concerns so I re-trained as a teacher, worked 14 years, paid the pension contributions and paid in for an extra 3 years, and then had just enough to live on in retirement. I've been retired 10 years. I split up with DH. He's the same age as me but still having to work. I'm a WASPI woman and it would have been better if women had been treated more fairly re changing the pension age.

You cant get pension credit if you own a property or have savings over ten grand.

I can’t imagine these responses are helping your anxiety OP.
Maybe consult somewhere like citizen advice, who will be a bit more qualified to give advice & a bit less judgmental.
I think if you sign onto UC they will give you credit towards your national insurance contributions.
I don’t know if they’d except you to job hunt if they aren’t giving you any actual money.
If you can get your full contributions your state pension will be worth a lot more than £60 per week, it would probably be around £230 per week.
Your DH is reminding me a bit of Mr Bennet from Pride & Prejudice he wasn’t really worried about what would happen to the rest of the family after he died because it won’t affect him.

I don't disagree that women should not sleepwalk into depending on their spouse to ensure their financial security in their old age. In fact, I live and breathe it and will sing it from the rooftops.

However, autism (which is often coupled with ADHD) does present difficulties beyond being 'rubbish with financial planning'.

Autism also does present differently in women from men. I have a dd with autism and know she would struggle to manage her finances, so I do it for her. I don't know what the solution is for women who do not have the same parental or external support and need to rely to some extent on the goodness and integrity of their spouse to navigate the complexities. Dd is uni age and not married or in a LTR but I would definitely not trust her partner to look out for her.

Some of dd's difficulties would include even broaching the topic. It is too confrontational for her and difficult for her to anticipate in advance the other side's reaction. She will not know how to cope if the other side because angry. So she buries her head in the sand. As a female, she is so used to masking to avoid social confrontations, this will be her default setting. She is a champion bury-ier. Poor executive function is symptom of ADHD which stops her from initiating the conversation to begin with. She will have trouble processing the complex financial information presented to her and even if she could, have trouble making a decision based on it. Once having made a decision, she would have trouble implementing it particularly if she had to call on others to help, including a financial adviser or her spouse. Dd does not ask for help, not even from her parents. We have to tease what she needs out of her, often with her crying and refusing to engage. She would rather just carry on until the wheels come off than confront her fears.

So yeah, it is tough. She has a rock face to climb to sort out her pension, because of her autism/ADHD. It is not as simple as girding her loins.

I can understand how OP sleepwalked into this situation, if her autism presents the same issues.

Yep
me first
then the kids
and if him, me and the kids are dead "he doesn't really care where it goes"
(well he does but when talking about death he got to the kids or at least one of them being alive and then couldn't envision past both of them being dead)

This is all private pension with a decent company part of his "perks"
plus full family private health
and he gets eyes, teeth, contributions towards gym membership, counselling if he needed, travel insurance can't remember what else but it's alright - but he has to put into the pension that bit isn't as generous as defined contributions - so swings and roundabouts

Not unreasonable to have all this double checked.

I clicked unreasonable by accident.