Pension - I have none and I’m a little unsettled by DHs response!

[EllyRoff]

So last night I got to thinking about pensions and realised I don’t have one! I’m no longer working (I make a small amount of money through art which DH has always been supportive with). I did have an NHS pension when I was working but DH convinced me to come out of it due to the high payments. There was barely anything in it anyway so I received the contributions back. Since then I’ve made very little contribution in national insurance etc.

DH has always said I’ll be fine in retirement as we have his good pension - but last night I thought “what if he died? Does the pension automatically come to me?” Turns out that no - it doesn’t. It goes to a named beneficiary.

So this morning I asked DH if I was named on his pension - he said “don’t worry, you’d get a state pension” !!! I said “what, £60 a week? I have none pension! Am I named on yours?” He said “why don’t you start a little savings account?”

So I’m not named on yours then?? He said “of course you are, I mean - I’ll check but I’m sure you are”. I’m very unnerved by his response - firstly his lack of concern!! Secondly his reluctance to confirm that I’m named on it. He says he’ll check today.

AIBU here? You’d think he’d want me to be ok in his death surely? Especially since it was him that convinced me to give up my own pension. He is 10 years older than me so not massively unreasonable to consider he might die before me.

https://www.gov.uk/personal-pensions-your-rights

Well as we all know if you’ve met one autistic person….

Only 22% of autistic people are in employment. Autism brings with it a huge amount of financial difficulties.

You can say it’s not a free pass all you like but it won’t make the challenges disappear.

Exactly. It's very very frustrating the amount of women who keep giving their financial independence up for men.

@EllyRoff he convinced you to give up your pension contributions etc but hey you didn't have access to his or proof/confirmation that your this beneficiary etc, you gave it all up based on "his word".

In addition to obviously making sure you are added to his pension and other investments as his beneficiary and making sure he writes a will naming you, you need to confirm how much state pension you actually qualify for and if there are any gaps so you can work with him to make the NI payments for the gap to maximize your state pension. And you need to get back to work and prioritize building your own savings and pension from now.

This is a lesson for others, you can be a great wife and mother without giving up your financial security and being so dependent on a man.

yabu to assume it's down to him to make sure you're ok at this fairly late stage in the opportunity to deal with it

And it probably become lower, if not stopped all together in the future.

@Fr1tter5

Only 22% of autistic people are in employment. Autism brings with it a huge amount of financial difficulties.
You can say it’s not a free pass all you like but it won’t make the challenges disappear.

Of course it brings challenges and financial difficulties. But what are you suggesting is the solution? For all autistic women to rely on their husbands for financial support without any input or oversight?

If that stat about 22% of autistic people being in employment is right presumably that's men and women? But autistic men don't tend to opt out of the workforce in large numbers and hand over all oversight of their financial wellbeing to their wives.

Let's be clear, this is an issue affecting women: they choose, for one of a variety of possible reasons, some sensible and some less so, to opt out of working and they assume that their husband will take care of the finances by default until they wake up and realise it's too late.

I'm not saying everyone needs to work their whole lives but it's worrying that so many people sleepwalk into these situations without being probably informed of what's involved and assume that their husband or male partner will take care of this. Women and girls need to be far better educated around the risks associated with this.

I'm sure the named beneficiary detail can be sorted?

My DS has named his partner on her teacher's pension's details - they aren't married.

For a teacher's pension a married partner doesn't need to be named - unless it's changed. but the survivor only gets half(?)

Can you pay back missing years into your NHS pension - of by getting contributions back did it close it?

You can pay into state pension funds - I did as I retired from teaching early and so missed those years. Its fairly cheap, I only have to life a couple of years and I'm in profit.

Your boat might, sadly, have sailed - but for others considering having a pensions holiday, closing it as its costly - don't. Just don't.

My DS and her late husband did this. Overspending, drink, going out, gambling meant they were always short of cash - and so they pulled out of her pension. (You could back then - you can't now.)

Fast forward. He gets ill, sadly dies. She'd like to retire. Little pension means she's not in a good position to do so.

Hope you can get it all sorted.

Autism presents differently in men and women.

Yes! It’s worryingly passive of the OP to be all, “DH suggested it so I did it!” If he told you to jump off a cliff, would you?

Do the art as a hobby around a full-time job like everyone else does.

Never depend on a bloke! If you haven’t paid for 30 years into your NI you won’t get a state pension. I live my financial life like I’m independent - my father taught me early never rely on men!!!! (Been married 19 been together 25!)

Pension credit is a 'top up' . Means tested and dependent on income , partners income, health, caring responsibilities and savings and capital. It's not a set weekly amount.

Are you named on his pension or not? Check asap.

First thing to do is to check your state
pension to see what you will be entitled to, you may be able to pay class 2 voluntary national insurance contributions it’s about £3.50 a week. https://www.gov.uk/self-employed-national-insurance-rates

Sorry op, you need to take financial responsibility. It’s a bit naive to have always followed your husbands “advice” without doing your own research. Of course pension payments are costly, but surely you knew when you stopped paying (on your husband’s “advice”) it meant you wouldn’t have that pension? You can’t have something if you don’t pay into it. Also, you shouldn’t rely on being named on your husband’s pension. What happens if you get divorced next year? You are basically putting yourself in a very vulnerable position. Fwiw it doesn’t sound like your husband cares, which is not a very redeeming characteristic, but ultimately you need to make better financial decisions.

Can anyone else remember being urged to pay 'Married womens contributions' and told 'you'll allways get your pension through your husbands contributions'

Time to put big girl pants on register for HMRC app and check your NI contributions. If you were claiming CB for a under 12 then liklihood your NI contributions have been covered.

If not work out how many years you would need and start buying them!

As for your DH well no if you haven't contributed or had anything cover that NI contributions you would not get state pension.
How old are you?

It takes 2 mins to set up a beneficiary make sure your DH has as otherwise this is sounding like tipping into financial abuse.
Also make sure wills are clear as well.

First of all it would be a major red flag that your husband is being so blasé about who his pension beneficiary is?, however if your in the uk and married even with a named beneficiary on the pension it will usually go to the current spouse especially if the spouse is financially dependent on the pension holder. Again though the fact he is being so blasé, you made need to start making sure you are financially stable incase you have to stand on your own two feet at some point.

Can you pay back missing years into your NHS pension - of by getting contributions back did it close it?

No. Having withdrawn, she has no NHS pension. Even if she did there would be no way to make additional contributions without returning to NHS employment.

@Fr1tter5

Autism presents differently in men and women.

I know but I don't see what the relevance of that is for this discussion. No one, regardless of whether they have a disability or not, should just assume that they can rely on their spouse to look after all their financial needs without checking or oversight.

@EggnogNoggin my exdh did this - moved all his pensions (£300k× into a SIPP) and once he reached 55 took draw down and gambled it all away! This was before we divorced!

Time for assertiveness. Lawyer or CAB with pension documents, so that it's done properly. While you're at it set up life insurance, we'll worth it (as i found to my cost). Yes OP the worst can happen. It's great that you have realised this before it is too late.

I don’t have autism but anxiety alone can make anything to do with money and future planning feel unbearably terrifying. I didn’t open my post for ten years, got CCJs etc, it’s not head in the sand so much as knowing that you can’t or won’t be able to act on any of the things in the letter then why know? It’ll only stress you out more.
I imagine once OP withdrew from work, she heard less and less about what other people were doing and planning and maybe forgot about the future years. Many people do, if you can’t get a job, can’t suddenly improve your finances, what does it matter knowing how poor you’ll be in twenty years time.
I imagine the OP has read all this and become hugely overwhelmed and deleted the thread. I know I would.
If you do see this OP apply for PIP. You have to do this before you’re 65.

I agree with you but also think that the OP needs to take responsibility for her own financial decisions. Her DH can suggest all he likes, she needed to have done her due diligence and ensured that the finances were in place to cover her before coming out of a pension. What happens if they split up etc? I have my pension that I started when I was 24, nothing to do with DH and he only started pension planning 10 years after me. I think it is so important for women to control their own financial security

Yep, me. Fortunately I didn't listen, but some of my friends did, and regretted it later.