Pension - I have none and I’m a little unsettled by DHs response!

[EllyRoff]

So last night I got to thinking about pensions and realised I don’t have one! I’m no longer working (I make a small amount of money through art which DH has always been supportive with). I did have an NHS pension when I was working but DH convinced me to come out of it due to the high payments. There was barely anything in it anyway so I received the contributions back. Since then I’ve made very little contribution in national insurance etc.

DH has always said I’ll be fine in retirement as we have his good pension - but last night I thought “what if he died? Does the pension automatically come to me?” Turns out that no - it doesn’t. It goes to a named beneficiary.

So this morning I asked DH if I was named on his pension - he said “don’t worry, you’d get a state pension” !!! I said “what, £60 a week? I have none pension! Am I named on yours?” He said “why don’t you start a little savings account?”

So I’m not named on yours then?? He said “of course you are, I mean - I’ll check but I’m sure you are”. I’m very unnerved by his response - firstly his lack of concern!! Secondly his reluctance to confirm that I’m named on it. He says he’ll check today.

AIBU here? You’d think he’d want me to be ok in his death surely? Especially since it was him that convinced me to give up my own pension. He is 10 years older than me so not massively unreasonable to consider he might die before me.

Have you checked how much of a State Pension you are entitled to ? You don’t automatically get the full amount, you have to pay your contribution.

You should never rely on anyone else financially. Can you get a job now ? If you haven’t paid full national insurance you won’t get a full state pension either. You are in a very vulnerable position here.

It’s best not to rely on other people financially, his response is a little cornering too, if it’s not going to you, who else could it be going too?

Even if he checks and tells you that you are the named beneficiary on his pension, he can change that at any time without letting you know. So you're in a vulnerable position. What's the situation with your house - do you own or rent? Is your name on the deeds? Could you go back to work now?

I think it's so odd you don't seem to take responsibility for yourself financially at all and just expect your DH to look after you forever. Then when you take five minutes to finally consider maybe you might need a pension you get mad at him because he hasn't already figured it all out and done everything for you already!

How old are you? Sounds like you need a proper job.

You really need to get a job and start paying NI as your state pension will be crap. You clearly can’t trust your husband with this.

In the absence of a name beneficiary then it usually goes to a spouse but he could have named someone else. There are different schemes that offer different amounts to you compared to your DH so you need to check what you might actually get. Does he have life insurance? You also need to check wills, and your own pension contributions to the state pension.

I've got a few pensions with various providers, I know I've nominated DH on my current one but as for the others I can't remember, I'd have to check, just like your DH.

It's worrying how much you seem to be relying on your DH to sort this out.

How old are you? How many years of NI contributions do you have? You can check this online. I'm wondering if you have enough time to look at starting up a private pension. Do you and your DH own a house, if so is the mortgage paid off? You might end up in a position of having to sell and downsize to release equity if something happened to him.

What did you think would happen if you did not work in a proper job? You are in a precarious position. Better hope he does not leave you!

You need to pay the NI contributions regardless.

And of course he should have named you on his pension!

But I think you'd be wise to do your own financial planning and not assume you'll get your dh's pension.

Tbh the fact that he thought you should come out of the NHS pension scheme is a red flag that his decisions aren’t rooted in financial good sense. Why on earth did you agree to that?

If you don't get the full amount and you are living alone you will get pension credit

If you haven't paid NI then where do you both think your state pension will come from?

You've been ridiculously lax and made some very poor decisions. Ceasing contributions and taking money out of your NHS pension was staggeringly stupid, and I don't know what your DH was thinking.

You really need to take charge of your financial life and get some advice. How old are you, and why have you chosen not to work?

I think a lot depends on whether you are 40 or 60. If the latter, it will be less easy to find work and build up meaningful contributions. The focus would be on what you would inherit in the event of being widowed.

I think there is an issue in your relationship. It is perfectly reasonable to do a deal where one partner says they will support the other financially - esp if the other is doing a lot of unpaid work around the home, bringing up children. But then there has to be a joint plan for the future. Either the financial support continues. Or the person who has been mainly home-based picks up more paid work and their partner does more of the unpaid stuff.

Do you have children? You need to ensure you are getting an National insurance contribution. If you claim child benefit I think you get through that if it's in your name.

If DH is supporting you not to work you need to be paying into a pension. Now.

Does he have life insurance? Linked to you home maybe? How will you afford any bills in the future without a job or a pension?

Assuming you can work you need to get a job, pay NI and pay into a pension.

Even if you are the named beneficiary, you don't get his full pension, it's usually half of that. I think the pair of you need to sit down NOW with an independent financial advisor and look seriously at your finances. Also get wills in place, if you haven't already.

I find it quite concerning how many women drift through life assuming their husbands will "take care of everything" and don't bother to check.

The fact that he suggested you come out of the NHS pension scheme is slightly worrying. Why wouldn't he want you to have that security. And the state pension is tiny. His attitude suggests at best a high-handed approach to this and at worst that he's financially abusive.

You need to start making contributions. You should really go back to work as well. You can't rely on another person for your financial security.

I think I would take this as a warning sign that your financial situation is not as rosy as you believed and take the opportunity to look at wills, life insurance and who precisely is the named beneficiary on his pension. He’s clearly not as financially savvy as you believed if he told you to opt out of an NHS pension.

And then use that information to work out how you will be set up not only when he dies, but when he retires. Get financial advice if you need it, and be prepared to go back to work to start improving your situation.

Grown adults should be responsible for themselves, how many women leave their financial plan to a man?

Depends on age like pp have stated. Rely on no man for your future OP. He could die, you could split up etc. So many people seem to sleep walk into older age and then think shit how am i going to retire?

The state pension depends on NI status - have you been raising children/claiming child benefit?
I'd be very concerned and ask to go through everything together. Giving up an NHS pension is crazy imo!

I have to go out but just wanted to add I came out of work due to crippling anxiety through autism.

House is joint owned. We are downsizing soon so there will be some funds freed up also