Pension - I have none and I’m a little unsettled by DHs response!

[EllyRoff]

So last night I got to thinking about pensions and realised I don’t have one! I’m no longer working (I make a small amount of money through art which DH has always been supportive with). I did have an NHS pension when I was working but DH convinced me to come out of it due to the high payments. There was barely anything in it anyway so I received the contributions back. Since then I’ve made very little contribution in national insurance etc.

DH has always said I’ll be fine in retirement as we have his good pension - but last night I thought “what if he died? Does the pension automatically come to me?” Turns out that no - it doesn’t. It goes to a named beneficiary.

So this morning I asked DH if I was named on his pension - he said “don’t worry, you’d get a state pension” !!! I said “what, £60 a week? I have none pension! Am I named on yours?” He said “why don’t you start a little savings account?”

So I’m not named on yours then?? He said “of course you are, I mean - I’ll check but I’m sure you are”. I’m very unnerved by his response - firstly his lack of concern!! Secondly his reluctance to confirm that I’m named on it. He says he’ll check today.

AIBU here? You’d think he’d want me to be ok in his death surely? Especially since it was him that convinced me to give up my own pension. He is 10 years older than me so not massively unreasonable to consider he might die before me.

If your state pension is low, you’ll get Pension Credit.

This is good advice, OP.

You can't change the poor decisions of the past, but you must now act quickly and sensibly to build some stability for yourself.

I'm amazed your husband doesn't know his beneficiary. How long have you been married? He sounds as untrustworthy as he is financially unwise.

word of advice - if he "checks" and says you are a named beneficiary dont take his word for it.

you log on, together, and see it on screen plain and visible.

Though unfortunately it doesn't stop him going in and changing it back later. I can change my beneficiaries in the portal as easily as scheduling milk deliveries. No notifications are sent to anyone. 🤷🏼‍♀️

What are HIS plans for the money from downsizing?

But only if he's named you as the beneficiary....

Your husband advised you to leave an NHS pension scheme and you trust this man's financial judgement? Jesus wept! Thst is possibly one of the worse fiancial mistakes you have made - he's deprived you both of a decent additional income in retirement wirh that shit advice.

You are BU as you should never rely on anyone else except yourself financially. I’m 50 and this was the message I received my whole life so if you are similar age then you’ve proactively decided at some point in your marriage to ignore this and make someone else responsible. Any proceeds from downsizing should be used to pay NI contribution. You can request a pension forecast from the government and top up missing credits to ensure you get a basic pension.

Firstly and most importantly check your ni records to see what state pension you will get - it’s enough to get by on but you need it in full, 35 years of contributions (you get them from working, claiming certain benefits etc). You can easily check online. Then make sure you are the beneficiary of this pension and you both have up to date wills. Track down any pensions you do have and make a record. Finally if you downsize consider putting a chunk into a sipp for you

This!

it’s only right in that moment.

OP, please stop taking financial advice from your DH and go to citizens advice or somewhere where you can get proper advice. If your DH walks out the door, you face being penniless in your dotage. And given his vague response as to who he's made beneficiary, I'd be very concerned.

OMG!!

1. You need to understand his pension asap. Who is named as beneficiary? Is it just you or has he added someone else as well. What are the death benefits? You will not ‘inherit’ his whole pension asap it will be a proportion.
2. Log onto gov.uk and get you state pension forecast. Do this today. All you need is your NI number. I fear you are in for a shock.
3. Are both of your wills up-to-date? You need to be named beneficiary. Do you have children? Does he have children from another marriage?
4. Are you on the house deeds?
5. Look for a job, even if it is part time.

If you come out in the first 2y you get your contributions back

Hi OP, I am concerned by your DH’s lack of concern about your future. I get that finances are challenging with autism. You need professional advice I think just. What’s done is done in the past, re: nhs pension you can’t change that.

I worry your state pension will be v small given your low ni contribution. Go on government website and check, it is easy to do.

So how old are you? This is crucial info. But in the first instance you need to be looking at getting a job.

You also need to be on DH now, you need a definitive answer about whether you will get his pension if he dies before you. Don’t take his word, ask to see documentation also. if you aren’t on as named person, but can be, then why isn’t he sorting this.

your DH should be worried that you are so anxious about this! Can you get a reputable pension advisor to come over, and tell them your situation and get them to come up with a plan. Tell your husband you want this sorting and you want to help and get a plan together.

I agree you need financial advice and this needs to be done before you sell the house. I would think putting some of those funds into a retirement account for you would be wise but you need professional, tailored advice for your circumstances - and not from your husband.

Make sure that most of these funds will be invested in a stakeholder pension for you and in ISAs in your name.

You really need to sit down together and discuss how you’ll both manage in retirement and ensure that you are left well provided for when he dies.

I put YABU because this is 2025 and really, nobody who has the capacity to work (excepting those who are dependant) should be relying on others for their pension provision above and beyond the state pension.

You should’ve kept your NHS pension, you should’ve been paying basic NI contributions when you were doing your art for pin money. This situation is entirely of your own making.

The funds released from downsizing could be paid into a private pension for you.

Focus on what you can do NOW. I'd be concerned if you don't have wills too.

@EllyRoff Firstly, do not be surprised that he does not know who is his named benficiary, it is not unusual for people to think that they do not need to do this. At work, we recently had someone who died unexpectedly, they had named nobody as a beneficiary which took a while for us to unpick to determine their next of kin. We then had a company wide email reminding people to name a beneficiary asap.

I also remember that when I left a Blue Chip company after 10 years, my beneficiary was an ex, who had married someone else and I had completely forgotten that I had done this!

Next if you are married and he dies before he takes his State Pension, you are able to inherit a part of this pension, too. Finally sit down with a spreadsheet and have the talk about pensions and consider seeing a financial adviser together to talk about pensions, wills and investments.

They can but only the payments equal to OPs current earnings will get tax relief.

This is specifically for the NHS pension (which is a really good one, so it's a very bad idea to do this). Most pensions don't let you withdraw money until you retire.

OP, your husband has given you terrible advice. Either he's financially abusive, or he's really bad with money (in which case his own provision may also be poor).

As others have said:

1. Check your state pension record and make up any gaps if you can.

1. Find out what type of pension he has - defined benefit or defined contribution. With the former you'd get between 1/2 and 2/3 (provided you're the named beneficiary). With the latter you'd get the whole remaining pot - but if he's bad with money that may be very little.

1. Make your own provision. Don't rely on 2, whatever the answer was, because you might not get it if he changes the nomination or you divorce.

YANBU to be worried and to want DH to check you’re his named beneficiary - also find out what sort of pension it is: defined contribution or defined benefit. If DC do you get it all and if DB what are the spousal benefits?

YABU however to have got this far without looking in to it. Leaving an NHS pension was a crazy thing to do and your DH sounds a bit controlling on that front. How old are you? Never too late to start a pension. See if Nest or the People’s Pension would let you join their schemes.

In the (long distant) past women used to be able to receive the state pension based on their husband’s contributions and some paid a reduced NI ‘stamp’. Those days are long gone and the state pension is only paid based on your personal contributions and credits, for example if you were claiming child benefit and not working.

As @Dashel has highlighted above, the first step is to get a state pension forecast to see where you are so you can build on that.

Unless you are already in your mid 60s, your state pension age will be 67 plus, so you probably have some years left to address the shortfall. You need a minimum of 10 years contributions to receive anything at all under the new state pension.

Also if you’ve not paid NICs from working for 35 years or claiming child benefit for some of the time you won’t be entitled to a full state pension. Check your info on Government Gateway.

Do you own your house?

With the freed up funds, will it be split 50/50?
I'd be taking my half and saving it.

I think it's odd he originally told you to stop paying into your pension and also that you went along with it.
Like if money was tight, lower payments for a while but not stop it completely.

I think you need to make sure you are set up for the future & not be relying on your husband's generosity (or potential lack of generosity...)