Feeling humiliated after resigning

[Happyfeet82]

I’d really appreciate some outside perspective.

I recently handed in my notice after just three weeks in a new job. The environment was toxic and it was affecting my mental health — I knew pretty quickly that it wasn’t the right fit. I’m now working a one-week notice period.
Today, there was a team meeting I couldn’t attend due to a scheduling conflict. I later caught up via the recording, and some of the comments made about me by the Managing Director were really disheartening.

She said I “lack motivation” because I live at home and told my colleauges that I said “I don’t need to work.” I want to be clear: I never said I don’t need to work. What I did say was that I’m in a fortunate position right now, living at home, which allows me to make the right decision for myself. I’m actively looking for a new full-time role and already have interviews lined up.

The part that really stuck with me was when she said, “If I were her parent, I’d be disappointed.” I found that comment deeply inappropriate and unnecessarily personal.

I’ve drafted an email addressing this, stating that I heard what was said and, in light of it, I don’t believe it’s in either of our best interests for me to work the remainder of my notice. But I’m torn between sending it or just finishing the week quietly and walking away with dignity.

Thoughts? I feel so angry.

In order to be defamatory, a statement has to cause serious harm to someone's reputation.

Saying in a work meeting that a junior in your team lacks motivation is unlikely to be defamatory.

In this circumstance, the PP had encouraged the OP to email other employees saying XYZ, so if the company pursued a defamation claim, the OP would have to prove that whatever she emailed the others was true/honest.

For something to be “honest comment” it would have to be reasonably held belief. “Reasonably” being crucial.

The manager was unprofessional.

The ability to walk out of a job after 3 weeks with no job to go to reflects incredible privilege, and isn't the real world for most people.

I see. I do think what she was going to email colleagues was true and honest though; it's NOT the case that she doesn't need to work. And isn't it fair to defend yourself from comments about your perceived lack of motivation, or speculation about how your parents might be disappointed?

Shows she can find something better? She’s leaving without another role lined up so how can you say that?

In the real world, people have bills to pay. It’s not about being a sheep, it’s about learning to take responsibility.

As I said (if you’d have read it - talking about comprehension skills), is that it’s understandable people leave toxic work environments but that:

1. you wait more than 15 days to make your decision. Give the job a chance.
2. you forgive your colleagues for being pissed that they’ve invested in you and you’ve left before you’ve even given anything useful back to the company
3. you wait until you have another job. Because living with mum and dad isn’t the same as having financial security.

I would be sending that email and the video of the meeting to someone higher and also HR. They were very unnecessary personal comments for someone to make about an employee. Highly unprofessional. Some people will always abuse their power.
Just highlights that you made the right decision to get out of there and as you say, fortunately you are in a position that you don't need to put up with that rubbish.
Best of luck in the new job hunt.

I’ve worked consistently since graduating university - this is the first time I’ve ever left a role without another one lined up, and I didn’t take that decision lightly. I’ve always taken responsibility for myself, and I’m not naive about the realities of bills, work, and life.

But I also know that no job is worth sacrificing your mental health for, especially when it becomes clear — very quickly — that the environment is damaging and unsustainable.

Of course, in an ideal world, I would’ve waited until I had something else secured. But I also trust myself enough to know when to cut losses early, and I’m fortunate to have a short-term safety net so I can make that choice.

As for your point about “giving something useful” to the company: I showed up, I tried, I was respectful, and I recognised it wasn’t a fit — all within a matter of weeks. The idea that I owed more than that, at the expense of my wellbeing, just doesn’t sit right with me. I would just be wasting their time, and mine.

All the best though. Hope you get sorted. Colleagues can be very annoying. I've worked with many. x

Please don’t, it’s misplaced. I’m raising my kids to dig deep, work hard and keep high expectations of themselves. All skills that are helping them as young children (they are praised for their behaviour and attainment at school) and will serve them well as adults. Attainment = choices.

Childrens mental health is spiralling, in my view, because we aren’t teaching them skills to overcome hurdles. Many parents teach them how to avoid the hurdles but you can’t. School is necessary (and a fantastic privilege to have), work is necessary, putting up with idiots is necessary, finding solutions is necessary. They are all normal aspects of everyday life!

Like I said, some environments aren’t worth staying in - but she can’t possibly know that after 15 days.

Don’t insult my parenting - I’m doing everything I can to build my children into confident, productive adults. Telling your child to quit after 3 weeks isn’t exactly supportive.

Don’t insult the OP. She was actually there for those 15 days. Why you think you know better than her about the work environment, I can only imagine that level of hubris.

I walked out of a job after three years with nothing to go to, with my mental health shot to pieces. All I had was 6 months employment support, which kicks in after 2 months. I was working for someone else within the month and haven´t looked back. The best decision I ever made.

What reason did you give for leaving? If you said it's a toxic environment and ruining my mental health, I would understand their annoyance. It can also be pretty irritating if someone only stays for three weeks, they have presumably spent time training you, which was entirely wasted and you have hardly given the job a chance.

Your choice obviously, but if I was management I wouldn't be best pleased.

Oh absolutely this! Then finish your notice with dignity and a massive shit-eating grin.
Hope you get a new job soon.😃

You're leaving
You were only there three weeks
What do you care what they say about you in meetings?
Don't even mention them on your future CV

May I ask (genuine interest) what was damaging and unsustainable about your job?

I don’t think it’s that unusual in your 20s when you don’t have a mortgage or kids. I quit a job with nothing else lined up in my late 20s because I only needed to give a month’s notice on the lease for my flat at the time and knew I could always temporarily move back home.

I think that some of us were taught never to quit a job until we had another one lined up. My parents certainly told me that, probably because they don’t come from a well-off backgrounds so gaps in wages couldn’t be risked iyswim. It doesn’t mean that they themselves never quit jobs they hated, they def. did and I did the same once after a few months.

But they did alright themselves (financially) and would have let me move back home if I’d needed to. I’d let mine move home as long as they were seriously job hunting.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with either approach, we’ve just got different life experiences.

Absolutely this ^^

Maybe leave it until a few days before you go, but I would 100% add this to the meeting’s chat on Teams.

The MD is completely out of order. It’s no surprise that the company’s toxic with this sort of ‘leadership.’