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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Feeling humiliated after resigning

143 replies

Happyfeet82 · 19/06/2025 21:54

I’d really appreciate some outside perspective.

I recently handed in my notice after just three weeks in a new job. The environment was toxic and it was affecting my mental health — I knew pretty quickly that it wasn’t the right fit. I’m now working a one-week notice period.
Today, there was a team meeting I couldn’t attend due to a scheduling conflict. I later caught up via the recording, and some of the comments made about me by the Managing Director were really disheartening.

She said I “lack motivation” because I live at home and told my colleauges that I said “I don’t need to work.” I want to be clear: I never said I don’t need to work. What I did say was that I’m in a fortunate position right now, living at home, which allows me to make the right decision for myself. I’m actively looking for a new full-time role and already have interviews lined up.

The part that really stuck with me was when she said, “If I were her parent, I’d be disappointed.” I found that comment deeply inappropriate and unnecessarily personal.

I’ve drafted an email addressing this, stating that I heard what was said and, in light of it, I don’t believe it’s in either of our best interests for me to work the remainder of my notice. But I’m torn between sending it or just finishing the week quietly and walking away with dignity.

Thoughts? I feel so angry.

OP posts:
Crushed23 · 19/06/2025 23:40

First of all, you do not have to work until June 30th - can the MD not count? If your contract says 1 week’s notice and you handed your notice in on June 18th, your last day is June 25th.

Secondly, she was unprofessional but also, as she knew you would likely listen to the meeting, I agree with PP, it’s workplace bullying. What a piece of work.

All that being said, I am afraid they are in their right not to pay you if you don’t work your notice. Especially as a small company of 5 people. So just put it behind you and focus on finding another job. Best of luck.

Shoemadlady · 19/06/2025 23:42

I would absolutely raise a complaint / grievance. It’s completely unacceptable and unprofessional to discuss you in an open forum like that. I would pull her to one side and have her for it and then put it in writing too.

Crushed23 · 19/06/2025 23:43

ColinCaterpillarsNo1Fan · 19/06/2025 23:26

On the 30th June at 4:55pm email the video and an exit email to the CEO, HR & that person's line manager. Then shut down your computer and walk out, whatever happens as a result of the email is none of your concern.

A company of five people is unlikely to have a CEO and an MD, an HR department, nor chains of command and “line managers”.

Kettlemetal · 19/06/2025 23:44

How is your last day 30th if it’s only a week’s notice period?

HeyWiggle · 19/06/2025 23:45

Fuck them! Send the email but make sure you mention that the workplace toxicity is the main reason you’re going and the discussion around you also sends alarm bells.

EggnogNoggin · 19/06/2025 23:45

Shrug your shoulders, work your notice and move on.

It's a toxic workplace so its no surprise that they're acting toxic 🤷‍♀️

Crushed23 · 19/06/2025 23:46

AssassinsEyebrow · 19/06/2025 23:38

For goodness sake, does it really matter?

Of course it matters. The notice period is 1 week in a job she hates and they appear to be trying to make her work 10 days? Yeah, they can fuck right off.

D3vonmaid · 20/06/2025 00:01

The behaviour of the MD in that meeting, choosing to talk about you behind your back to the rest of the team should 100% validate your decision (if you need that). Their behaviour was totally unprofessional, and someone who chooses to lead by that example is an arsehole, no wonder the culture is toxic. Walk away with your head held high, knowing you have done the right thing. And on your last day submit a detailed complaint to HR, it might not come to anything but it should be recorded that her behaviour towards staff is so unpleasant.
I wish I’d had the resources and awareness to recognise a psychopath early in my career, it would have saved me a lot of stress.

BruFord · 20/06/2025 00:04

@D3vonmaid A company of 5 people won’t have an HR department, the nasty MD probably owns it, despite being incredibly unprofessional.

Vaxtable · 20/06/2025 00:04

I would send the email, and copy it into her boss, or even top person at the business including the recorded call

it’s simply not acceptable behaviour

TalkToTheHand123 · 20/06/2025 00:17

You shouldn't have been such a snowflake and just stood up for yourself.

Tiddlywinksrus · 20/06/2025 00:23

I would call in sick for the remainder of the week, then never look back.
I have walked out of a few very shit toxic jobs and they are not on my cv!

Crushed23 · 20/06/2025 00:24

TalkToTheHand123 · 20/06/2025 00:17

You shouldn't have been such a snowflake and just stood up for yourself.

How, if she wasn’t even in the meeting?

Tiredandtiredagain · 20/06/2025 00:27

TalkToTheHand123 · 20/06/2025 00:17

You shouldn't have been such a snowflake and just stood up for yourself.

How?

TalkToTheHand123 · 20/06/2025 00:27

Crushed23 · 20/06/2025 00:24

How, if she wasn’t even in the meeting?

At the start before she resigned. It's done now though so no point doing anything now, would just make her look more silly.

LozzaCh0ps · 20/06/2025 00:29

Congratulations on your escape, OP!

Enough4me · 20/06/2025 00:30

Life isn't perfect or even fair but this can be a good thing. When you're in a better job you'll have a greater sense of appreciation. I hope it's soon and this will be a situation you look back on as a, "remember that horrible job when...".

Enough4me · 20/06/2025 00:30

TalkToTheHand123 · 20/06/2025 00:17

You shouldn't have been such a snowflake and just stood up for yourself.

Makes no sense.

Itallcomesdowntothis · 20/06/2025 00:31

Happyfeet82 · 19/06/2025 22:00

For context, my notice period is until 30th June

OP let it go. Don’t waste energy and time since you are moving on anyway. Why make it worse for yourself and get into a battle?

You can write it and then they say no work your notice period and you leave and technically you are breaking your contract and they can threaten legal action…

TrousersOfTime · 20/06/2025 00:37

OP, if they try to wriggle out of paying your notice or make you work it, tell them you'll take them to tribunal for age-related harassment. They wouldn't have made those comments about an older worker! You don't have to follow through, but it is free to put in a claim.

GarlicMile · 20/06/2025 02:04

Motheroffive999 · 19/06/2025 23:02

Send the email and don't go back

Agree.

For the 'end of June' worriers: 30th June is a Monday, so OP will be finishing on the 27th which is 7 days from tomorrow (or maybe the 25th/26th, which still counts as the end!)

I wouldn't bother wasting your energy on them, @Happyfeet82. But would definitely send the complaint.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 20/06/2025 02:35

Make sure you add that they're unprofessional and toxic in your email.
Good luck with your new job. It'll come.

MsAmerica · 20/06/2025 03:50

It doesn't seem to me that "dignity" is a matter of whether or not you're silent. The issue would be connected to what's in the email. In fact, if you're after dignity, a letter would be more dignified than an email.

Seems to me it's perfectly possible to be totally dignified in a letter composed in a way that would make the other people feeling humiliated.

passthebiscuittins · 20/06/2025 04:05

I would send the video to HR and detail your concerns. The manager was being completely unprofessional. No wonder you feel it’s a toxic environment.

WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 20/06/2025 04:54

zzplec · 19/06/2025 22:15

If it were me, I'd choose the passive aggressive route.

Is there a link to a meeting chat or email? Send a message:

"Hi all,

I just want to clarify some comments made about me in the team meeting. It isn't the case that I "don't need to work", it's that I'm fortunate to be financially secure enough to choose not to tolerate working in a toxic environment.

I hope that clears up the matter. Wishing you all well for the future."

Then go into the office looking demob happy and beaming with delight that you're leaving.

Love this. Would also follow up with an HR email