Feeling humiliated after resigning

[Happyfeet82]

I’d really appreciate some outside perspective.

I recently handed in my notice after just three weeks in a new job. The environment was toxic and it was affecting my mental health — I knew pretty quickly that it wasn’t the right fit. I’m now working a one-week notice period.
Today, there was a team meeting I couldn’t attend due to a scheduling conflict. I later caught up via the recording, and some of the comments made about me by the Managing Director were really disheartening.

She said I “lack motivation” because I live at home and told my colleauges that I said “I don’t need to work.” I want to be clear: I never said I don’t need to work. What I did say was that I’m in a fortunate position right now, living at home, which allows me to make the right decision for myself. I’m actively looking for a new full-time role and already have interviews lined up.

The part that really stuck with me was when she said, “If I were her parent, I’d be disappointed.” I found that comment deeply inappropriate and unnecessarily personal.

I’ve drafted an email addressing this, stating that I heard what was said and, in light of it, I don’t believe it’s in either of our best interests for me to work the remainder of my notice. But I’m torn between sending it or just finishing the week quietly and walking away with dignity.

Thoughts? I feel so angry.

Do not email the other employees! Jesus. Opening yourself up to libel action. Don’t give a fuck what anyone there thinks. Just move on with your life.

Lastly, resilience is knowing when to stay... and also knowing when to walk. I didn’t “run away.” I saw the red flags early, gave it my best shot, and left before it caused more harm. That’s not a lack of resilience. I know what I'm worth and its not that company so I'm moving onto find better.

OP, just wanted to say you sound amazing; you really have your head screwed on right. If I were your parent, I’d be very proud of you. (Edited to add: and myself, actually, for raising such a level-headed and confident-in-themselves child!)

Well her comments sound like evidence of the type of toxicity you want to avoid. IME small and pockets of large companies will be toxic if people are unprofessional in this way. You are fortunate
to have a safety net.

Definitely send it. It's appalling management to slag off a staff member to their colleagues, and the fact that they said it in a meeting that you'd be able to see shows the manager is a fucking idiot.

I’d definitely send it to HR and / or whomever this woman reports to, stressing how unprofessional this was of her but also addressing the reasons why you’re leaving after such a short period; this does not reflect well on their workplace at all.

and also - good luck finding your next role. I hope it’s much more beneficial to your needs 🙂

I would want that person to look me in the eye when I told them that I had heard what was said. As for working your notice, it would be very professional of you to do so but I wouldn't bother if you don't feel like it.

I would be happy my child has the initiative to say no to being treated like shit and not sit there and take it if they don't need to.

Financial security (in the form she describes) is not the reason she's quit the job, it's what has enabled her to do so. Maybe try reading posts over again if you're tired or having comprehension problems.

I don't think it shows a lack of resilience, it shows she can find something better. Employers are not gods, many of them are utterly terrible, and so are many jobs. Baa-ing along with it like a sheep when you know you'll be out there first chance you get is a waste of everyone's time if it's not necessary. There's no grit to be shown in that.

I was in a similar position to you last year, working for a small and very toxic company. I knew from day one it was not a nice environment at all.

I handed in my notice after around 8 weeks and the director sent a nasty email around about me while I was still there! I didn't even have an actual notice period (they "didn't do" employment contracts) so I just didn't go back.

You definitely won't regret this!

It defiantly confirms that leaving was the right decision. What weird comments to make about someone you’ve only met. What people choose to say reflects on them more than the person they’re talking about.

They CAN walk out of any job they don't like! If they can handle the consequences.

I completely agree.

If @SunnySideDeepDown has children, I feel sorry for them.

Chuck it in the fuck it bucket and move on!
Thank god you don't have her as a parent. And that you do have a nice family that support you in not staying in the wrong job.
I'd just work out the week and go.

And this is why you are leaving. It's only a week so I'd just style it out and definitely contact HR/whoever is in charge.

I also left a new job after about a month. I'd had the flu so had a few days off (there was no way at all I'd have been able to work). I dragged myself back in, still feeling really shitty, only to be given a lecture by my manager about taking unnecessary time off. There was no concern about how I was feeling. I left a week later. Losers.

Hope you find a new job soon. Good luck!

I think it's really low of a senior person to take a cheap shot at a young person like that. Try not to let it knock your confidence - there are better places to work. You'll find the right one in time.

Send the email and copy in their line manger and higher up. Fuck them.

@Happyfeet82 the way they have behaved making such comments shows the kind of place it is and you’re right to get out. Makes you want to say “listening back to the recording, I couldn’t help notice how you made personal comments, some of which are untrue, about why I’m leaving. This was upsetting to hear, especislly as I was not there to defend myself. However, while I was feeling some regret about leaving, your behaviour has confirmed it’s the right decision”.

It is upsetting, but looks like it’s them, not you. Good luck OP.

It's only libel if it's not true, and what this person said is right there on video.

@Soal

I understand what you're saying and I agree it takes balls to call out a toxic work environment (which this definitely is).

This manager was bang out of order but part of becoming an independent adult is learning how to negotiate these situations in a way which doesn't jeopardise your own future. It's OK to not tolerate workplace bullying but its also not great to internalise the idea that work has to make you happy all the time.

It was just that earlier comment about "sacrificing your mental health for a wage" which I thought was a bit naive. It implied that there was something noble about cutting and running when you hit the first roadblock and that working for a living was a soul-selling activity which is beneath people. The reality is that the vast majority of people have to work for a wage.

There is a problem with younger people and resilience at the moment. I don't think that means they have to tolerate shit behaviour at work, but I do think they need to learn that workplaces won't all be kind, inclusive and tolerant environments and they need to develop the tools to work around this.

Leave it, OP. In my experience people only ever harm themselves by bad mouthing someone else. Ditch all the negative feelings ready for your new job.

Your boss was unprofessional and foolish to be quite so open about their feelings on a zoom meeting.
You have every right to leave.
However during your working life you will come across shit behaviour - leaving isn't always the answer. Sorry, but if I was your mum I would be disappointed that you didn't give the job a longer go.

I would leave on the spot but I do think she has a point. People are too quickly to give up.

That’s not strictly accurate. I am a lawyer. The DEFENCE to defamation is “honest comment”/truth. To get to that, the employer’s already launched an action which is the last thing the OP needs, threatened or actual.

Additionally, you can’t go emailing others and raise a grievance/complaint because you’ll invalidate the process and just look like a knob

To whom, for what?

Let it go. It didn't work out. The MD's words are an example of the toxic culture the OP is getting out of.

So is saying someone lacks motivation because of where and how they live considered honest comment? And saying that they've said they don’t need to work when they expressly didn't say that?

The law really is an ass sometimes.

The comments were unprofessional and disrespectful. Honestly, if you can afford it, just ho sick. They don't deserve any loyalty.