Feeling humiliated after resigning

[Happyfeet82]

I’d really appreciate some outside perspective.

I recently handed in my notice after just three weeks in a new job. The environment was toxic and it was affecting my mental health — I knew pretty quickly that it wasn’t the right fit. I’m now working a one-week notice period.
Today, there was a team meeting I couldn’t attend due to a scheduling conflict. I later caught up via the recording, and some of the comments made about me by the Managing Director were really disheartening.

She said I “lack motivation” because I live at home and told my colleauges that I said “I don’t need to work.” I want to be clear: I never said I don’t need to work. What I did say was that I’m in a fortunate position right now, living at home, which allows me to make the right decision for myself. I’m actively looking for a new full-time role and already have interviews lined up.

The part that really stuck with me was when she said, “If I were her parent, I’d be disappointed.” I found that comment deeply inappropriate and unnecessarily personal.

I’ve drafted an email addressing this, stating that I heard what was said and, in light of it, I don’t believe it’s in either of our best interests for me to work the remainder of my notice. But I’m torn between sending it or just finishing the week quietly and walking away with dignity.

Thoughts? I feel so angry.

That’s shocking. I’m glad to see you sent the email. As someone else said, if they don’t pay you for the final week then ring ACAS. If i was your mother, i’d be really proud of you.

OP just to say, if you were my child, I wouldnt be disappointed by you in this situation. Id be pleased that you recognised you had a choice and took action to protect yourself.

Look, you will be gone 30 June no need to expend energy and have a fraught 10 day
Send email to colleagues saying goodbye , factually correct the errors. You don’t need to be sassy or sarky. Factually correct and composed that’s all is required
Then sashay yourself out that door

I would absolutely not send such an email. You've made your point and resigned.

Record the recording on a different device. They can conveniently delete their recording. Make a complaint and attach your recording of them talking about you in a disrespectful and unprofessional way. Sounds like you made the right decision to leave.

💯 me too.

You've clearly made the right decision.

Is there a group email address to everyone?

If so I'd write to that and say 'Thanks for everyone's help whilst Ive been here.

Having listened to the MDs inappropriate comments about me at the team meeting, I felt it important to clarify why I decided to leave.

I find the work place toxic. The MDs behaviour underlines this.'

What can they do? Sack you? Keep a recording of the team meeting.

…..Who will have a laugh and think ‘ dodged a bullet with this one’.

is this your first job?

I'd raise a grievance, OP. It'd hopefully stop this bully shooting her mouth off in the future. She's said some very personal comments, none of which are relevant to work or are any of her business.

You don't need to care what these people think of you. Stop giving them headspace. All the reasons why you resigned are also reasons why you don't need and will never get their good opinion. Get yourself gone, wipe their dust from your feet and leave them to it. Their lies about you don't affect you.

I'd put a complaint in and state to HR that's exactly the reason that you are leaving so early into your contract - I would then submit a sick note to cover your notice period stating work related stress and don't look back

I don't disagree with the sentiment and this manager has been incredibly unprofessional in her behaviour but surely you realise most people have to "sacrifice their mental health [to some extend] for a wage". We can't all live off other people or fresh air.

Are you raising your kids to think they can walk out of any job they don't like?

This...although I'd probably send back a comment saying you note that your opinion of your manager is confirmed by her own behaviour!

Well yes provided that, as the OP has, there are interviews lined up and a plan to move forward......orcare you one of the resilience crowd? I don't think you are tight about most people sacrificing mental health for a job. There may be bits of it they don't like but that is not the same thing.

Don't use this as an excuse not to work the rest of your notice. It'll only. be viewed as vindicating what the manager said.

no one seems to have mentioned age discrimination, especially if the MD is old enough to be your parent.
Can you save the recording? Please do so! And submit a complaint of age discrimination to their boss if you can. Even the threat you could take them to tribunal could be enough to get an apology (and I would take it further if I were you, especially if you can save the recording or re-record it on your phone or something).

Work your notice, get over it. It's minor, it's his own sour grapes / embarrassment at your having left them so soon - it won't reflect well on him. Just ignore it and keep moving in the right direction. You don't need to kick up a pile of crap on your way out.

I like this. I would add “the personal and deeply unprofessional comments made in this meeting only serve to illustrate my point”.

Are you expecting them to pay your notice period (that you’re not working) or are you referring to the three weeks you worked? They legally have to pay you for the three weeks.

I think you’ve actually been a bit over sensitive here. The first three weeks of most jobs is spent training and learning the ropes. You’ve likely added no benefit to the company so far and have taken resources in people’s time and employment costs. Of course your resignation was frustrating for them. She was unprofessional, yes, but you’ve just run away from the situation without taking any accountability or responsibility for how this affects them.

I get it wasn’t a good fit, but sometimes in life you have to suck stuff up. Why were you spending time watching a meeting in your notice period? Couldn’t you have just worked another week, adding as much value as possible, and left on a good note? Resilience OP - it will go a long way in your life.

OP isn’t financially secure - her parents are. Every child is “financially secure” in that case.

It’s right that she leaves a toxic environment, but going around telling people she’s financially secure isn’t accurate is it. She probably is actually not very secure at all, having no home of her own and no job. It’s not a reason to quit a job!

And if my child quit after 3 weeks, I would be disappointed. 3 months, certainly. But you can’t fully understand the lay of the land after 15 working days. Maybe it’s a very busy time for the business, the boss is particularly stressed, maybe it takes time to settle and gain respect in the team. Quitting after 3 weeks shows a real lack of resilience and she surely can’t be surprised that her colleagues have found this (although shouldn’t have recorded the conversation)

Absolutely do NOT do this. Telling others (who you barely know and who barely know you) that they work in a toxic environment and then behaving smugly about leaving is a nasty ass thing to do. Each to their own.

Leave with dignity. Don’t sink to the MD’s level; do your time and say goodbye, wishing everyone well.

Could be dickish, but whenever I’ve turned down a job, they usually sent a “withdrawn” letter following it. Maybe something legal?

You might be disappointed if your child left a job after 3 weeks? fair enough. But I’d hope you’d also ask why. If they were visablly suffering, and felt humiliated by their manager… would you really tell them to stick it out just to prove a point? If so, I feel sorry for your child.

Lastly, resilience is knowing when to stay... and also knowing when to walk. I didn’t “run away.” I saw the red flags early, gave it my best shot, and left before it caused more harm. That’s not a lack of resilience. I know what I'm worth and its not that company so I'm moving onto find better.

If you have the energy OP I would make an official complaint to HR, copy her manager in and then make it clear that this is a good example of why you are leaving so soon because of the clearly toxic environment in this team.

I would also email each member of your team to say that you have now lodged an official complaint after comments were made about you in the team meeting that did not reflect the reasons of your departure and put the record straight.

As you only stayed 3 weeks, you don't need a reference from them and can leave them out of your CV so I would not hesitate to do that in your situation.

Bullies like this need to be challenged.

If you don’t work your notice, they aren’t going to take legal action.

1. they’re a 5 person company. They haven’t got a lawyer nor the funds to pursue you.

2. they’re would have to sue for a) damages or b) specific performance. They won’t get b, and they can’t quantify a.

Nobody, no matter how toxic, is going to pursue a 3 week employee for the sake of a 5 BD notice period!

The absolute worst that will happen is the MD will say “ha! Told you she was unprofessional!”, and so what? Would you care what a crackhead on the street said about you? No. Plough your headspace into finding a new job and fuck this lot.