Unsure about what to do with long term boyfriend

[Lunalara]

This is somewhat a follow up from the previous thread I started up. We managed to resolve that problem, but it still stands that my boyfriend (23) will not plan ahead for marriage. I am currently 27, and naturally have started to think ahead. I understand that my boyfriend doesn’t want to get married right away, being so young, but I am concerned as he is not coming up with a rough plan. Am I being unreasonable to be stressed over this? Is it wrong to throw away an otherwise perfect relationship over anxieties that might not end up becoming true?

This all started over a coworker. I found him attractive, but initially tried my best to ignore him. He then started flirting with me, which essentially woke up a primal instinct in me 😓 It’s like I am suddenly terrified of being strung along by my current partner, even though he has said he wants to marry me in the future. I feel like a bit of a mess tbh. Should not wanting to plan ahead be a deal breaker in this context?

It sounds like the one not committed is you..

I am disappointed that a guy who is married went out of his way to flirt with me. As ignorant as I am sounding, I really don’t get what he was thinking.

He doesn't sound like he was going out of his way to flirt with you if you have only started talking to him today?!

If a boyfriend has suggested marriage and babies to me at 23, I'd have run a mile!! Your boyfriend isn't ready for marriage, he's barely started life in the adult world. He's already told you that he doesn't see himself marrying until he's 30. So he has given you a very good indication of his plans. You seem to need to map out your life, with timelines and have plans formed for the future. Why the hurry?! I didn't meet my husband until I was 31, married at 33 and our son was born when I was 35! You have plenty of time ahead for marriage and babies. Slow down, stop pressurising your boyfriend to give you a timeline, you will drive him away. If you want marriage and children before you're 30, then you are with the wrong man, because he's not on that same path.

Did he actually do anything apart from look at you and smile?

It’s not actually clear that the OP’s actual boyfriend of four years has done anything more than look at her and smile before he got incorporated into her Marriage and Children plans,

You only started talking to day and found out he was married so I’m assuming he told you?

I think you are misreading friendly smiles as something else or he could have just smiled as you kept looking at him and he was being politely awkward.

It is frustrating to carry a relationship but he was 19 when you started so might not have had the experience or initiative to take the lead. If you do want to stay with him then that’s something to talk about.

Men who are single at 28 are single for many different reasons. 28 is not that old.

Our relationship started as great friends. We talked for months, and realised we had loads in common. He then started to drop some very strong hints that he liked me more than friends, and we took it further. To be honest, for a good 2 years I wasn’t talking or thinking about marriage at all. I shouldn’t have been thinking about it at all in the timeframe, but 3 engagements in one month from peers made me think about it.

I think I should avoid talking about the recent crush, otherwise I will still be thinking about him. I found out yesterday about Limerence, and it does seem to have matched what happened here.