To find days off with my kids almost unbearable?

[saynn]

Which is horrible but hear me out. They are 4 (5 in October, start school then) and 1 (2 in August.) I have Wednesdays and Thursdays off with them. And I hate it.

I know it’s horrible but it’s the way it’s just impossible to get anything done at all without someone wanting something, whining, falling out, demanding something. I know I need to lower standards but I do find it hard when there’s a mess or something and plus we do need to eat!

I do take them out as much as I can but even that’s getting to be hard work as one is a very slow walker and the other a very speedy runner.

I’m desperately counting the days until my older child starts school as both of them together just about finishes me off.

Whining! it is soul crushing. I was always fine coping with genuine distress and upset, all my empathy was always there and I only ever wanted to comfort them and do my best to make things ok again. But whining, oh god, it set my teeth on edge

On my planet.

Of course you know that it's going to involve work, but not what that feels like. I usually enjoy work and feel as if I know what I'm doing. Giving birth and sustaining massive birth injuries wasn't what I expected, nor that ds1 wouldn't sleep through till 3 so that I felt permanently tired, nor that all 3 of my best friends would move away that year and leave me stranded. Oh, and did I mention pnd and my mum starting dementia . . .

I love my kids to bits and to the person who said why have a second when the first was hard work - because I knew the toddler years weren't going to last forever. I survived them and fortunately I met folk on Mnet who understood some of the struggles and offered kind words when I felt I wasn't good enough.

Why isn’t your almost 5 year old in nursery? He should be doing half days now, then reception for full days the school year he turns 5

And if add, for those who do enjoy the toddler years, it's good to remember the rest is great too. Teenagers are fantastic, so entertaining and challenging . . . And a little easier to communicate with ime . . .

"I'm bored" TV, playstation, laptop, board games, books, crafts, the park, a sibling... nope, still bored. Obviously the place they want to go to costs £££ when we've already spent £££ on days out and holidays.

"I'm hungry" Snack central, breakfast and lunch made...what else can they possibly want?!

I'm sure I was the same, I was an only child and used to get bored if I had nobody to play with so I was packed off outside.

I could have literally wrote this post 😩 I feel you - I work 4 days a week and often - my “day off” is by far the most exhausting day of my whole week.

It's not sad it realistic. It's hard work. Once your oldest is in school it will get easier

You can't pour from an empty cup. You don't actually always have to put your kids first.

All kids and families are different - you need to figure out what works for you.

My eldest DD1 turned 4 and was week later in school - and I the fun of the stress of getting three kids out the door in morning and then getting super tired and grouchy pfb back that picked fights with siblings and me- while other people kids were boucing bundles of excited energy wanting to share their day with the person picking them up.

I also then had years of getting them home fed and then doing the support work for all of them that added as they were all falling behind on you of homework - feeding them and then getting to bed early so could do same next day - so I found those years harder. Teen years have on whole been better than expected.

My advice - accept no one enjoys every aspect of parenting - and that you are finding it hard now. Then when not tired or stressed sit down and work out what does make it easier for you on these days and do more of that.

Only on page 5 but I do think people need to think about what they are saying here.

I’ve made it clear (I’ve literally said as much) my children are delightful and lovely. It’s the different needs I struggle with. They are no trouble alone and my eldest is actually really easy and I’m sure the younger one will be when she’s his age. But posts like ‘why did you have children … how sad …’ well for one thing, they can be really upsetting for people, and for another, I don’t know about anyone else but I didn’t have children to have bickering preschoolers indefinitely! I had children to raise a family. They grow, you see

Will RTFT now …

Should he indeed? Well, he does three days a week. I don’t think there’s any ‘should’ about it; he does his 30 hours, how that looks varies. I know kids who do mornings or afternoons or full weeks in school nurseries or children who do four days, two days, no days.

The endless quibbling about why you had children … honestly, the species would die out pretty quickly if the toddler years went on indefinitely. They don’t: just feels like it! One toddler is hard but I do find the naps tricky. It’s easier if you have a toddler who will just crash anywhere but mine won’t, unfortunately!

OP I’m going to post what I do with mine. I’m a SAHM but my eldest is usually at school but off now for break. Ages nearly the same.

-Breakfast 9am, snack 10.30 and little goes for nap during which time I throw laundry on, shower, online shop, make calls etc anything hard to do with a young toddler. I then spend time with my toddler playing/reading/TV. Lunch, then play or walk outside, hour of quiet time, tidy up (and they both have to help) dinner, then bath and bed. I then do more chores sometimes.

-My kids free play a lot!! We go in their rooms, dining room which is now a play room or living room and they can play with anything they like. I don’t play with them most of the time just supervise. Both will play independently and with each other. They are aged the same as yours, will yours play together?

-I do days out a few times a week and my youngest always has his buggy and only comes out for short periods so their different speeds aren’t an issue.

-We do toy rotations and use big laundry style baskets for toy storage so cleanup is really fast. I vaccum twice a day and otherwise get them to tidy up with me.

-my youngest hates his buggy and car seat too but tough. 5 mins in and he stops whinging. He gets positive praise once he’s settled. A snack usually helps too.

I could have written this OP, I have two boys aged 4 and 2 and I have two days off a week with them which I find more stressful than my working days (which I feel awful about).

I do find it easier on the days where I get them out of the house as early as possible for as long as possible - museum, library, park and lunch etc. And using reins to keep the little one within arms reached has solved the problem of them running in opposite directions.

I know I’ll miss it when my 4 year old goes to school this year but it is really hard to entertain / manage them both on my own.

Lol. Yes just letting the one year old entertain themselves for an hour while you clean. It’s really not that simple. Plus wizzing around the house after they are finished in bed is realistically an hour so that’s your night gone in most cases.

It’s their ages! They’re really hard ages to have at the same time - or at all tbh.

Id get out of the house as much as possible and don’t try to hard to “get things done” with them about. A 1 yo is a complete use of your time on their own!

But not for everyone.

Which is why calling OP ridiculous for finding it hard is mean spirited.

Calm down, nursery isn't compulsory! I expect he already goes on mum's working days or some form of childcare.

I remember feeling quite miserable at this stage- similar gap. It does improve- I home educate so it can't be too awful for me. I'm with my kids alllllllllll theeeeeeeee time.

Top tips: find other mums! You must socialise not for them. For you. Of course motherhood is fucking miserable if you are isolated. It was never meant to be like the experience that many modern women in the industrialised world have.

Be outside! Preferably with other mums .

Make quiet time a thing. The oldest is a great age to start. Do it while the little one has a nap.

Good luck and try to appreciate the little moments when you can. Before anyone says, no, I'm not wearing rose coloured glasses or invalidating anyone's suffering but a more positive mindset will help.

Some people in this thread must’ve had less lively toddlers than I had! “Just let them play alone while you get dinner ready!” - as if the 4 year old won’t be attempting to do cartwheels off the sofa while the toddler is climbing on the toilet cistern to try and get the toilet bleach and toilet brush if you leave them for more than 5 minutes without checking in 🙄

Adding to my previous comments, another thing that I found really hard about that age is that the 4 year old starts wanting to do things like crafts and board games, but if you’re on your own you can’t really help them or play with them. You just spend the entire time trying to defend them from their younger sibling who wants to “help” (no matter what you try and distract the sibling with - they always want to join in with the older one). And if you do let the toddler join in, you have to stand over them like a helicopter so they don’t chuck paint everywhere, or break things or try to eat little beads or board game counters, or just trash the whole thing. And then there are the tantrums when you try and stop the toddler from trashing the older child’s game/picture. It’s so hard.

having a new born means you are sleep deprived and exhausted for pretty much AT LEAST the first year, unless you have family members who take over at the weekend, or a nanny.

what else is new?

It's not easy, but we all knew what we were going for. It's more surprising when it's easier than expected 😂

I wasn’t complaining about it, I meant because the Op was looking forward to her son going to school. But the simple solution could have been to send him to school/nursery for a half day.

I don't need to clean 1 hour every morning for a start

and I have never needed to spend 1 hour cleaning once they were in bed either!

I am a clean freak, my house is always visitor ready, so it WAS (and is) all done every evening, but come on. You tidy up the toys as they go. While they are playing, it's a free for all, but when they move on, you tidy what they abandoned. How long does it take.

Toys being currently played with are not a mess, just toys. 5mn to put away.

How are people making their lives so insanely difficult I'll never know.

I felt the same a few years ago - it definitely gets easier! Mine are both at school now and I enjoy taking time off in the school holidays - it's completely different experience! I remember the stress of it feeling like the kids were crying all the time, or battering each other, or needing nappies changing, snacks preparing etc etc and before you know it the house is a tip and you haven't done a thing with your day. Days out were always my way out as well but I hear you with the age gap - ride it out - it'll be so much nicer in a couple of years!

THIS!

Why do people have kids if they resent weekends and holidays, it's highly depressing.

Imagine living in a house where you mum keeps telling you she can't wait for you to bugger off to school so she doesn't get to see you all day.

I don't know if it's just selfish and lazy behaviour, or people who expected to carry on their child-free life, and are most amazed you actually do things around kids when you have them.

I love weekends, but I don't expect a magical fairy to organise them, it's on me the adult to plan them so no-one is bored or waste their time doing housework.

There's not much to plan with kids anyway, once they are in Primary school, between their weekend clubs, all the birthday parties, playdates, sleepovers when they get a bit older, it's hard to slot any family time if you want some 😂

Birthday parties start in nursery! (I think parents are mad, it's expensive and a bit young, but it's lovely to have the entertainment offered to your child, I am always grateful for every birthday invitation we've always got)

They sound like a tough age to handle together. Have you thought about trying the toddler in a trike with a handle? We found it brilliant when DS started to dislike his pram/pushchair!

Hang on in there, then things will be a whole lot easier when big one is in school. It's OK for the kids to do your hear in, I've always been so patient but recently 3.5 year old can absolutely do my head in!