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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be unsure what neurotypical is anymore

231 replies

rainingitspouring2 · 17/06/2025 12:45

So this is not to antagonise or offend and maybe it could be because I am on the spectrum myself (but this has never been implied) but I am starting to question what being neurotypical looks like these days.

On social media so many of my suggested reels, posts etc are about neurodivergence and also articles in the media etc. Celebs revealing they have adhd or dyslexia. I have to say a lot of it is relatable to some degree to most people (that I know anyway). I have 2 young DS and so many of their friends have potential ADHD/ASD according to their parents. Or I notice traits in kids but their parents have never said anything (but I would just think they were a neurotypical kid if I didn't have so much awareness now) Even some the parents at the school gate are saying they have some neurodivergence too. So I am finding myself noticing potential traits in almost every individual I have close contact with.
I know people say with neurodivergence 'birds of a feather flock together' perhaps that is the case but I'm just loosing sight of what a neurotypical and what isn't.
I'd almost find it helpful if we had traits of neurotypicals outlined explicitly to see whether we aligne with that or not. I am getting quite confused.
Does anyone else feel the same or AIBU? Again not meaning to offend just looking to discuss

OP posts:
BurntRaisin · 20/06/2025 18:59

Also not under any team. Instant discharge!

CheekyBeaker · 20/06/2025 19:04

Probably a lot of typos in there but "live indecently" vs "live independently" stands out as needing correction...

Pricelessadvice · 20/06/2025 19:05

HornungTheHelpful · 20/06/2025 18:01

I really take exception at this. What language is a dead giveaway? I have no problem with ND, diagnoses, treatment or funding. I’ve asked for reasoned answers to my questions. If you can’t do that your options are to consider that you might be wrong, and see if someone else has a reasoned response.

I’m here with a genuinely open mind; nothing I have read has yet convinced me that the questions I am asking are not valid ones we should be asking.

In terms of what I do object to about the narrative of some of the ND people on this thread is that they seem to be convinced of one or more of the following:

  • ND makes them better than other people, and if only they’d been treated at the “right” time they would have been a truly special gift to humanity. I’m unconvinced that is the case for all, if any, ND person on this thread
  • That their version of “hard” is somehow worse than an NT’s version of “hard”, yet at the same time being convinced that no NT person can possibly comprehend what they are going through. Both can’t be true (and in fact I think neither is).

So I come back to, if functional ability is not the objective measure of impairment, what is?

I have tried to explain that I believe my NT friend finds socialising/social situations far harder than me (diagnosed Aspergers). Whether it be because of my ND or not, but I have been able to learn to navigate social situations to the point that now I am
pretty confident in myself and if me and my friend are out together, it’s me who leads interactions with other people.
So I totally believe that some NT people can struggle more. I also dislike that a lot of ND people feel the need to stress how hard they have it and how much more difficult their life is than that of an NT person. The reality is that nobody truly knows how someone else feels, ND or otherwise, so it’s absolutely impossible to make that statement.

I’m another ND person with a high IQ (over 140) Could I have been a genius held back by society/lack of support? I doubt it. What held me back was my lack of interest, to be frank. I was far more interested in the mantra that “you work to live, not live to work”. I had no desire to climb the ladder, make millions (well, winning the lottery aside)… frankly all I ever wanted was a job I could tolerate so I could enjoy my downtime.

When I was diagnosed, it was something that you dealt with personally, or perhaps mentioned to your family. Or school, if that age, albeit support was in its infancy. Then you quietly went about learning how to deal with your difficulties and putting steps in place in order to function (ie to go to school, forge relationships, get a job, manage life etc) People did this with varying degrees of success, obviously.

Now people get a diagnosis and announce it to the world on SM. They share posts and memes about how hard life is for people with their condition, how much their life is affected, they use it as an excuse as to why they can’t do things/why they lose things/can’t use public transport/can’t drive/can’t work… and so on.

So yes, as an ‘old school’ ND person, I do find this modern attitude towards ND strange. But maybe that’s just me.

BurntRaisin · 20/06/2025 19:07

WhichWayThrough · 20/06/2025 14:39

I find this very, very difficult to believe, but if this is true should raise this as an issue. My friend is a speech and language specialist and works on an NHS team assessing autism. Every child getting an assessment sees a psychologist and a speech and language therapist at the very least and that has been in 3 different NHS trusts that she’s worked in. Many also see a psychiatrist, paediatrician, occupational therapist etc depending on the case.

Mu own experience is seeing a couple of different psychologists and a speech and language therapist between 5 different appointments. Everyone else I know that has been through it has had a similar experience.

Thank you. This is helpful. She’s 13 so too old for a paediatrician apparently. But I wasn’t aware of the SALT or OT input. In fact when I enquired about OT (previous to assessment) I was told our local NHS authority don’t deal with the type of OT she needs. It’s been absolutely pitiful this whole process.

CheekyBeaker · 20/06/2025 19:22

Pricelessadvice · 20/06/2025 19:05

I have tried to explain that I believe my NT friend finds socialising/social situations far harder than me (diagnosed Aspergers). Whether it be because of my ND or not, but I have been able to learn to navigate social situations to the point that now I am
pretty confident in myself and if me and my friend are out together, it’s me who leads interactions with other people.
So I totally believe that some NT people can struggle more. I also dislike that a lot of ND people feel the need to stress how hard they have it and how much more difficult their life is than that of an NT person. The reality is that nobody truly knows how someone else feels, ND or otherwise, so it’s absolutely impossible to make that statement.

I’m another ND person with a high IQ (over 140) Could I have been a genius held back by society/lack of support? I doubt it. What held me back was my lack of interest, to be frank. I was far more interested in the mantra that “you work to live, not live to work”. I had no desire to climb the ladder, make millions (well, winning the lottery aside)… frankly all I ever wanted was a job I could tolerate so I could enjoy my downtime.

When I was diagnosed, it was something that you dealt with personally, or perhaps mentioned to your family. Or school, if that age, albeit support was in its infancy. Then you quietly went about learning how to deal with your difficulties and putting steps in place in order to function (ie to go to school, forge relationships, get a job, manage life etc) People did this with varying degrees of success, obviously.

Now people get a diagnosis and announce it to the world on SM. They share posts and memes about how hard life is for people with their condition, how much their life is affected, they use it as an excuse as to why they can’t do things/why they lose things/can’t use public transport/can’t drive/can’t work… and so on.

So yes, as an ‘old school’ ND person, I do find this modern attitude towards ND strange. But maybe that’s just me.

For me, I did care though, and wanted to do better, but a combination of chronic insomnia (due to a racing brain, even if no particular stressors), lateness (forgetting to set alarms, losing track of time) and disorganization (turning up at the wrong place at the wrong time, or finding out the class you were determined to go to was actually yesterday) were the biggest issues I faced in academia.

Though, ironically, also what kept me in academia for so long because I didn't think I'd be able to hold down a job.

I did seek support, to try and self-improve, but I wasnt able to understand the issues I was experiencing, so it treatment for comorbidities (like going to the doctor, counsellors or - against my better judgment but out of desleration - alternative medicine practitioners). I genuinely wanted to be better, and was interested, but I didn't fundamentally understand my issue. ADHD never crossed my mind and it was ultimately that diagnosis that resulted in the most positive change.

If it helps...I have not announced my diagnosis on social media, nor to most of my friends or to my extended family. This thread might be the most I've ever talked about it.

HornungTheHelpful · 20/06/2025 19:22

CheekyBeaker · 20/06/2025 18:56

I really was not functioning very well, for large periods of time. I scaled back my original post because it felt self-indulgently long, but I'll try to explain a little more.

Initially, as a teenager, it was mild stuff like losing things with an unusual degree of frequency, to the point where it was a bit of a running joke as between friends. Of course, losing your bank card, drivers license or whatever else, even if it is 10+ times per year, is a pain but probably doesn't render you "non functioning".

By my later teens though to my 20s, though, the most challenging standalone symptom was the insomnia. It would not be unusual for me to go 2 or 3 consecutive nights without sleep. I would be exhausted, I would want to sleep, I would adopt good sleep hygiene practices, I sought conventional and not conventional treatments but my brain would just race and race, even if I didn't feel particularly stressed about anything.

It was one of the primary drivers of my extremely low attendance, caused me to become socially withdrawn and made me decide to prolong my time in higher education (because I didnt see how I would be able to hold down a 9-5 job). I can say with comfort that I had the lowest attendance on every course I undertook. It wasnt just insomnia, it was also an inability to stick to a timetable (forgetting classes, or going to the wrong place at the wrong time). I can promise you that I wanted to be present, to apply myself, to attend social events, but one way or another, I would fail to.

Housemates and the friends I did maintain would find me frustrating to live with, as my disorganization was extreme. I found it embarrassing, but would make the same mistakes again and again.

When I started living indecently, the personal safety aspect of it became a concern. Things like leaving the stove turned or iron turned on (starting multiple fires - to the point I stopped using those appliances), failing to lock the door (or locking myself out, needing to make out of hours calls to my landlord or call a locksmith. Frequently arriving late at work (a constant source of negative feedback and once, job loss).

One of the reasons for my excessive and repeated lateness was that, so frequent were my instances of forgetting to turn something off, or lock something, that I started to find obsessive compulsive thoughts a huge challenge. Leaving the house often became a 30-60 minute ordeal, in that I would check everything, leave, but then wouldn't be able to remember with confidence that I had turned things off or locked things, so would turn around and go back home, and check everything again. I was, though, so doubtful of my memory that I would often find myself going back multiple times in a morning.

I tried various coping strategies but did actually find one that worked for me, with the advent of camera phones (basically, being able to video myself going through the "leaving the house" checks, which i did for about a decade).

I stopped driving because my inattentiveness also made me unsafe. I didnt race around or anything, it would be stuff like stopping at a red light then, for whatever reason, absent mindedly starting off again, with the lights still on red.

I mentioned it a few pages back but (to me) an illustrative example relates to a much loved pet. I'm hyper focused on my pets (don't shut up about them, despite how much I can tell nobody cares). To the extent I am focused on anything, it ks their well-being. When one was sick, and needed medication (which needed to be kept in the fridge), I ruined 4 bottles (by leaving them out) in 5 days - despite straining to remember (even repeating, aloud "meds go back in the fridge" on loop, only for the thought to drop out of my head). Each time, I had to take time out of work to buy a replacement bottle. It was actually this - and the fact that it is representative of many other day to day tasks- that prompted a colleague to "diagnose" me.

I do wish I could have my colleagues post on here because, even with medication, the frequency with which I lose my key or my pass is a constant source of frustration and inconvenience to others. I likely account for 95%+ of instances accross the team. A lanyard has recently been imposed, to cut down on how frequently i have to disturb others outside of office hours. Colleagues have also made reminder posters for my door and, the last person to leave before me each day (I'm usually last out) will always come to check if I have my keys.

And yet, my persistent lateness, disorganization, constant admin backlog and alike is (sometimes, through gritted teeth) tolerated, because I'm very strong at my strengths.

What scale would I propose? I don't know, but I can tell you that my inability to reliably complete simple actions, and keep track of belongings, has been a constant source of criticism and frustration from friends, family members and coworkers. If 100s of people all tell you that you are extremely deficient in an area, and that they've never met anyone worse, then (1) they are clearly judging me by some set of criteria, and (2) it'd be strange for me to to take heed.

As mentioned, the diagnosis has mattered in that its encouraged my employer and I to find accommodations. It also helps my self esteem (as, to, does my improvement on medication). It has also improved my self esteem because I can better understand my persistent and embarrassing failures at the basic aspects of day to day living, despite being able to easily perform very complex tasks.

So you weren’t functioning? This does sound extreme. I’m pleased your diagnosis has helped you. Please don’t think I am anti anything - just concerned about those for whom a diagnosis becomes limiting. As I think it can do.

Pricelessadvice · 20/06/2025 19:35

CheekyBeaker · 20/06/2025 19:22

For me, I did care though, and wanted to do better, but a combination of chronic insomnia (due to a racing brain, even if no particular stressors), lateness (forgetting to set alarms, losing track of time) and disorganization (turning up at the wrong place at the wrong time, or finding out the class you were determined to go to was actually yesterday) were the biggest issues I faced in academia.

Though, ironically, also what kept me in academia for so long because I didn't think I'd be able to hold down a job.

I did seek support, to try and self-improve, but I wasnt able to understand the issues I was experiencing, so it treatment for comorbidities (like going to the doctor, counsellors or - against my better judgment but out of desleration - alternative medicine practitioners). I genuinely wanted to be better, and was interested, but I didn't fundamentally understand my issue. ADHD never crossed my mind and it was ultimately that diagnosis that resulted in the most positive change.

If it helps...I have not announced my diagnosis on social media, nor to most of my friends or to my extended family. This thread might be the most I've ever talked about it.

That sounds very difficult for you and I’m sorry it has affected you so much.

My Asperger’s caused me some pretty dreadful times when I was younger, but for me personally, learning to adapt to the world (albeit with my quite obvious quirks) has been life changing. It’s not been easy, far from it, but I’m now a pretty together 40 year old who has overcome more than a lot of people and I can deal with things I only dreamed I’d be able to when I was younger. I think age really helped me.

Out of curiosity, given how much you have struggled, do you get frustrated at the tendency nowadays for people to jump on everything (this forum is a good example) and suggest someone get tested for ASD or ADHD?

CheekyBeaker · 20/06/2025 22:23

HornungTheHelpful · 20/06/2025 19:22

So you weren’t functioning? This does sound extreme. I’m pleased your diagnosis has helped you. Please don’t think I am anti anything - just concerned about those for whom a diagnosis becomes limiting. As I think it can do.

It's a little nuanced, in that I do think I was functioning extremely poorly in some basic areas, sometimes at the risk of my personal safety and to the point where I felt "disabled" day-to-day (but didn't have a disability to point to).

That can be a tough thing to process, that you've been (at various times, albeit with diminishing frequency) held out as exceptionally gifted, and therefore feel a certain pressure to succeed, yet you cannot imagine ever being able to reliably turn up to work, or be able to concentrate adequately to do most jobs.

On the flip side, though, even before my diagnosis, I ultimate had a good career/salary and bought my first home. While I spent a long time clinging on by my fingernails, I think it makes it hard to say that I wasn't functioning (certainly with reference to other people who are further disadvantaged), but only because my extreme strengths offset or masked my extreme difficulties.

Obviously, everyone has strengths and weaknesses, but I hope that I've better conveyed how profound my difficulties were, in a way that I do make it a bit more justifiable for me to ponder if an earlier diagnosis, that allowed me to more meaningfully participate in my studies (which I wanted to do and did repeatedly seek assistance for) might have meant for me, and why I'm glad that younger people today might find that support more readily available.

CheekyBeaker · 20/06/2025 22:45

Pricelessadvice · 20/06/2025 19:35

That sounds very difficult for you and I’m sorry it has affected you so much.

My Asperger’s caused me some pretty dreadful times when I was younger, but for me personally, learning to adapt to the world (albeit with my quite obvious quirks) has been life changing. It’s not been easy, far from it, but I’m now a pretty together 40 year old who has overcome more than a lot of people and I can deal with things I only dreamed I’d be able to when I was younger. I think age really helped me.

Out of curiosity, given how much you have struggled, do you get frustrated at the tendency nowadays for people to jump on everything (this forum is a good example) and suggest someone get tested for ASD or ADHD?

In all honesty, I'm only somewhat aware of the tendency you reference (I don't use any of the major social media platforms and I dip in and out of mumsnet) and, given the relative recency of my own diagnosis, my experience is meaningfully different from yours. I can, though, appreciate why it may feel extremely trivializing from your perspective.

Even without your history, I do know that there's a sense that everyone has a diagnosis now, to the point that even I can feel quite embarrassed to tell people, so I tend to limit disclosure to those people who are most impacted by my eccentricities.

There are people who I wish I could tell, but cant for various reasons, because it might help explain some horrific fuckups that I've made (despite genuine efforts), but I'm also conscious of your earlier post about people using it as an excuse, so am second guessing that now, too.

BeethovenNinth · 21/06/2025 04:37

priceless I find your post both refreshing and fascinating. One of my DDs suffers social anxiety and has some fixed coping methods. Everyone tells me “oh she must be autistic” because she finds socialising stressful. But she is the opposite - she is highly socially aware to the point she tortures herself with her thoughts. School has been a nightmare in secondary. Many of the autistic kids have navigated it more successful. Anxiety itself is a bastard and I tell people - is that not enough of a label in itself?

Pricelessadvice · 21/06/2025 07:26

BeethovenNinth · 21/06/2025 04:37

priceless I find your post both refreshing and fascinating. One of my DDs suffers social anxiety and has some fixed coping methods. Everyone tells me “oh she must be autistic” because she finds socialising stressful. But she is the opposite - she is highly socially aware to the point she tortures herself with her thoughts. School has been a nightmare in secondary. Many of the autistic kids have navigated it more successful. Anxiety itself is a bastard and I tell people - is that not enough of a label in itself?

Even when we were younger (known each other since teens) and I was still acquiring the social skills I have now, I was able to navigate social interactions far better than her. Yes, a lot of it was a front for me then- basically a big act from watching how people interact and talk to each other- but I was still able to do it in a way she couldn’t. I remember her asking me how I could be so chatty and extrovert and I suggested to her to try and ‘fake it til you make it’ but she just couldn’t do it. She has crippling anxiety about everything, so I think she worries about how people will perceive her.
It breaks my heart that three decades on, she still has these struggles.

So it annoys me greatly when people downplay the struggles of NT people that they can’t be as bad as those with ND. The reality is that it can be utterly overwhelming and affect their lives just as much (or more, in my friends case). I suppose personality and character traits play a huge part, regardless of whether someone is NT or ND.

People often find it strange that I defend NT people so much when I am not one, but I think we run the risk of implying that NT people ‘have it easy’. They don’t. They can have anxieties, worries and issues just as much as anyone.

SunnySideDeepDown · 21/06/2025 07:36

My very unpopular opinion is that there is an element of social contagion. There is overdiagnosis in children and this societal phase will pass - it’s a hot topic. Lots of personality quirks are being assigned to ND.

Im not saying neurodivergence doesn’t exist, im saying it’s over diagnosed. Im not qualified and this is only my opinion. I’m not saying every diagnosis is a misdiagnosis. Don’t come at me.

BlueLegume · 21/06/2025 08:06

Has anyone gone for assessment for ND/AuDHD/ADHD/OCD etc and NOT been diagnosed as ND but been told they are NT?

BlueLegume · 21/06/2025 08:36

I include anyone taking their DC for assessments in my question above - so to reiterate - has anyone including DC been assessed and NOT been provided with a ND label - SEN needs included - there are a plethora of labels here one which really interests me ODD. Before I retired, worked in education- I saw a real uptick of children being diagnosed with this. https://www.sendtutoring.co.uk/specialism/how-we-can-help/oppositional-defiant-disorder-odd/

Thursst0n · 21/06/2025 08:40

SunnySideDeepDown · 21/06/2025 07:36

My very unpopular opinion is that there is an element of social contagion. There is overdiagnosis in children and this societal phase will pass - it’s a hot topic. Lots of personality quirks are being assigned to ND.

Im not saying neurodivergence doesn’t exist, im saying it’s over diagnosed. Im not qualified and this is only my opinion. I’m not saying every diagnosis is a misdiagnosis. Don’t come at me.

As you say you’re not qualified. ND is under diagnosed, particularly in women and girls.

ADHD

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cg5vp62dnnro.amp

Autism of which only 1% of the population has a diagnosis
https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/professional-practice/under-diagnosis-of-autism-in-england

A teenage girl sits in her uniform, listening to a man whose face is obscured

Greater awareness behind ADHD surge, study suggests - BBC News

Study found ADHD is not becoming more common, despite a surge in people being diagnosed.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cg5vp62dnnro.amp

MerryGrimaceShake · 21/06/2025 09:09

BlueLegume · 21/06/2025 08:36

I include anyone taking their DC for assessments in my question above - so to reiterate - has anyone including DC been assessed and NOT been provided with a ND label - SEN needs included - there are a plethora of labels here one which really interests me ODD. Before I retired, worked in education- I saw a real uptick of children being diagnosed with this. https://www.sendtutoring.co.uk/specialism/how-we-can-help/oppositional-defiant-disorder-odd/

There are but it is rare, because even just to get referred for diagnosis you need a mountain of evidence from the school and they will only take referrals through the school after the child has seen an educational psychologist in the school setting. Which only happens when that mountain of evidence exists (in our case it was 2 years worth of observations for our child from the SENDco and her teacher)z

You can’t just decide your child has ADHD/Autism and pop them off to the assessment clinic, even if you go the private route.

SunnySideDeepDown · 21/06/2025 10:15

Thursst0n · 21/06/2025 08:40

As you say you’re not qualified. ND is under diagnosed, particularly in women and girls.

ADHD

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cg5vp62dnnro.amp

Autism of which only 1% of the population has a diagnosis
https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/professional-practice/under-diagnosis-of-autism-in-england

I said overdiagnosis in children. There may be 1% diagnosed but that’s only so small because it includes those above 50yrs who are FAR less likely to have diagnosis or think of themselves as having symptoms that need a diagnosis.

People are divergent by nature - personalities and genes mean we are often quirky in lots of ways. Not everyone needs a diagnosis and it takes away resources from those who genuinely need it to function.

Funny how you think only 1% of people are diagnosed and yet 4 kids in my child’s class of 20 have ND diagnosis.

Were all entitled to different views and I strongly feel social contagion is at play in the current generation of parents and children.

Thursst0n · 21/06/2025 10:19

SunnySideDeepDown · 21/06/2025 10:15

I said overdiagnosis in children. There may be 1% diagnosed but that’s only so small because it includes those above 50yrs who are FAR less likely to have diagnosis or think of themselves as having symptoms that need a diagnosis.

People are divergent by nature - personalities and genes mean we are often quirky in lots of ways. Not everyone needs a diagnosis and it takes away resources from those who genuinely need it to function.

Funny how you think only 1% of people are diagnosed and yet 4 kids in my child’s class of 20 have ND diagnosis.

Were all entitled to different views and I strongly feel social contagion is at play in the current generation of parents and children.

You can feel all you like however you are wrong. Social contagion won’t get you past screening for the diagnosis pathway let alone on to the very long waiting lists and finally a diagnosis.

How on earth do you know private information of children in your dc’s class, all a child’s diagnosis details and who the hell are you to judge? Do you judge all disability diagnoses?

BurntRaisin · 21/06/2025 12:22

MerryGrimaceShake · 21/06/2025 09:09

There are but it is rare, because even just to get referred for diagnosis you need a mountain of evidence from the school and they will only take referrals through the school after the child has seen an educational psychologist in the school setting. Which only happens when that mountain of evidence exists (in our case it was 2 years worth of observations for our child from the SENDco and her teacher)z

You can’t just decide your child has ADHD/Autism and pop them off to the assessment clinic, even if you go the private route.

But this is clearly NOT what happened in my child’s case and she’s been diagnosed on the flimsiest and most inconsistent of evidence and with minimal contact with NHS staff. So if it’s happened to us, surely it must have happened to others? Isn’t there some kind of standardised procedure that each health authority should be following?

GnomeDavid · 21/06/2025 12:33

@BlueLegumeyes us on the NHS. Dd had a very thorough autism assessment with NHS assessor. Four hour interview and observed for a long time in school. They said definite traits, definitely something there, could be ADHD or speech and language delay or MLD. But there wasn’t enough impact on her day to day functioning which could be directly attributed to autism. I agreed with them. I have no doubt she would have been diagnosed with autism privately, the assessments are not as long.

BlueLegume · 21/06/2025 12:45

@GnomeDavid thanks for replying. I expected to be flamed! Has it been a helpful experience and how are you dealing with things - if that is not too intrusive, please don’t share if it is.

I am reflecting on parenting my own now adult kids years ago and each of them had different personalities and traits that I had to navigate some frustrating and difficult- but we managed without labelling the very ‘sporty one’ as ‘not very academic’ - turned out he was academic just too busy doing sport in school to engage as much with the academic side. The quiet one as socially awkward- turned out he was just someone who liked to listen and is now incredibly sociable but very picky - in a good way about who and what they engage with It is fascinating.

KingscoteStaff · 21/06/2025 12:51

I have a year 6 class of 28 children. Of those, 14 have a diagnosis of some sort - ASD,ADHD, PDA, OCD, Dyslexia, Dyspraxia, Hearing impaired, Anxiety, Attachment disorder, PTSD.

For each of these children, I am sent lists of ways I need to adapt my teaching to suit them, many of which are direct contradictions.

I spend a huge amount of time planning and creating resources to suit each child, but when a class is 50% additional needs, the terminology becomes meaningless.

Summerseagulls · 21/06/2025 12:52

Actually come to think of it ,I know two DC diagnosed privately..
Both parents paid private,to jump the qué to get to a special school.
(Both definitely are autistic..I was nagging both parents to get the child assessment sorted with NHS .)
But the private assesment,was not equal to the NHS one my sons and I had .
Both parents shared with me the diagnosis process and it was not as through as what the NHS do .
I deliberately did not want to do right to choose because of this and wanted the NHS assessment for myself and my sons, and was happy to wait the three years for each of us .
I didn't want a diagnosis of something that I wasn't completely sure I had , because I wasn't impressed with the process.
Definitely glad we went with NHS

BlueLegume · 21/06/2025 12:53

@KingscoteStaff wow….are you a specialist school?

Summerseagulls · 21/06/2025 12:59

KingscoteStaff · 21/06/2025 12:51

I have a year 6 class of 28 children. Of those, 14 have a diagnosis of some sort - ASD,ADHD, PDA, OCD, Dyslexia, Dyspraxia, Hearing impaired, Anxiety, Attachment disorder, PTSD.

For each of these children, I am sent lists of ways I need to adapt my teaching to suit them, many of which are direct contradictions.

I spend a huge amount of time planning and creating resources to suit each child, but when a class is 50% additional needs, the terminology becomes meaningless.

That must be so hard to teach like that
My daughter's friend is a teacher ,she says half her class English is not the first language and the other half a lot have SEN of some kind .
She's exhausted trying to manage ,budgets have been cut ,even those with an EHCP and a teaching assistant are having to share teaching assistants.
In fact when my youngest son was in school ,the head teacher spotted his autism before I did ,and got him support and he was placed with a child who already had an EHCP and a learning assistant to himself..this child had to share his learning assistant with my child ..which I felt really bad about ,as my child at that point didn't have a diagnosis or EHCP .
But maybe that's normal in schools now ,I don't know ,as mine are at home with education as the specialist school came to late for my boys the damage was already done and they couldn't adapt to it