That phone call that changed my life

[Toilichte]

Inspired by another thread on here. 3 years ago I was in a deeply unhappy relationship, I posted on here a lot at the time. Finally one day I was brave enough to fill in an online form on a solicitor website that Google threw up. I hadn’t done any research into the firm, didn’t know what I was doing, just knew I was unhappy, venting to mumsnet and things needed to change.

I had a conversation with a solicitor, it hadn’t been my plan that morning. He called me after I put in the form. He was so kind, and on it. He made the process seem so clear. I was worried about ownership of my dog- he didn’t think that was silly or the wrong thing to focus on. He just gave me excellent advice.

I wasn’t married, and so actually the process was quite simple. I never engaged his services. I just had that conversation which let me know the lay of the land and that was it.

I don’t think he knows that he changed my life, and I will be forever grateful. Probably one of a million conversations he’s had on the same vein, but for me that conversation means the world.

Actually match.com launched in 1995 and eharmony launched in 2000. I'm sure it took longer before internet dating really took off, though.

I wondered if it was a typo tbh and earlier than 1999.

Anyway I'm glad it all worked out!

It sounds like you & your friend could be changing the lives of many others, now and in the future!

I hope you are fine now. Melanoma is vile. Hugs

Again, not a phone call.

I was about 22 years old, and about to get on a train to go to a university interview for a teacher training place. There was a very particular train I had to get, in order to be on time. The sort of "one an hour" type trains. It was about 5+ minutes before the train was due to arrive, when it suddenly dawned on me that I hadn't paid for long enough parking in the train station car park.

It was my parents car, I didn't drive very much back then, and just getting to the station was a trial for me, never mind what was coming that day.

I didn't have enough time to run back to the car park and pay for more, and I was getting in a flap on the platform.

A woman, aged about 40, approached and asked if I was okay. I threw a jumble of words at her and explained my issue.

She said she'd be back long before me, and she could top up the parking if I liked? I did like.
I described the car and where I'd parked it, threw a handful of money at her (way more than she needed) for the parking, and got on my train.

Many hours later, I returned to my car, to find an extra parking voucher stuck to the windscreen, and, adorably, a careful pile of coins balanced on the windscreen wipers.
I drove home crying at the simple kindness of strangers.

I've no idea who she was, I never got a name, and I wasn't in my home town. But I've never forgotten her and her kindness. It's something I've carried with me over the years, and I make a point to try and stop and offer comfort to strangers in distress. Just a simple, "Are you okay? Do you need anything?"

And to that woman at Rugby railway station in about 2007, thank you.

The other way around, I realised how important our everyday actions can be after an incident where I made an offhand comment but my friend said it got her through a dark time.

I met her at NCT classes and her baby suffered terribly with reflux, would cry for 4 hours straight and barely slept at all. She was talking about what she was making for the family for dinner and I said ‘I can’t believe you, you’re super mum. I can barely get it together to make beans on toast’.

A couple of years later she told me her husband was abusive and telling her what an awful mum she was, she was just broken with no sleep, a horrible husband and a poorly baby, that it meant so much I told her she was a brilliant mum (she is a brilliant mum!)

So now, like a pp I have a rule in my life where if I have a nice thought I will say it. You never know the difference it could make to someone else

Can you share what the treatment was?

What a thread. Nominate for classics please, I'd like to come back to this again and again.

Do you have red hair? It’s a thing apparently! So sorry you experienced that

And mine! I literally stopped my car last week and said to this gorgeous looking older couple - You both looked bloody fabulous! - I was fighting for a space at a shopping centre, not a main road BTW so couldn’t stop but I saw their smiles in my mirrors - made my day too!

But my DD now does it too and honestly it makes me so proud that she can see the beauty in just a few words and how they can change someone’s day (or in the case of this thread…their life) x

Aww@bigkahunaburger
Your post really touched me
one comment probably made their day

Of course. It was a high dose of estrogen gel + a very low dose of progesterone + testosterone. This HRT treatment is more main stream nowadays, but 10 years ago was barely heard of even in NHS Menopause clinics.

It took about 6 weeks to start working but within 3 months I was 99% recovered. My consultant told me he saw so many women badly let down by the NHS, and turned into zombies with anti-psychotics and worse! When what they really needed was the correct HRT.

As far as I can tell, the point was to share a memory. But I still fail to see why it's a poll or what aspect of it would be "unreasonable."
Sorry you didn't enlighten me.

@ToilichteWhy did you need a solicitor if you weren’t married?!?

Thank you!

I needed a solicitor because we owned a house together and whilst we had a deed of trust which set out who owned what percentage he was refusing to accept any offers in order to keep living in the house as long as possible.

It seems obvious, but a deed of trust of helps you when a property sale happens. Up until then you both have equal rights to block any sale; it can leave one person trapped living with the other.

We also had a joint account for bills and I needed advice on what happened to that.

As I mentioned in the OP, I also have a dog and was petrified he would put a claim in that the dog was shared or something and wanted to understand how I could make sure this didn’t happen.

We had been together a long time and our lives were very entangled, I didn’t know how to leave him.

Again not a phone call but a spontaneous act of kindness that meant so much to me

My mum was old and frail, nothing special wrong with her but we knew she didn't have long left. The care home said it could be days or weeks or months.

I had a long haul flight booked to visit members of her family for a post Covid reunion. After discussing it with her care team I decided to go on the trip. There was every chance she would be around when I got back and there were other family members who would visit her while I was gone.

I dithered until the very last minute then turned up at the airport, went through security and went into a state of shock. It was dawning on me I might never see my mum again.

When I was boarding the plane the ground crew member checking my boarding pass asked if I was ok. I made the automatic British response "I'm fine'. She did a double take and said "No really - what's wrong?' I started to cry and said "my mum is dying, I don't know if I'll see her again.' This lovely lady came out from behind the desk and gave me a much needed hug. I cried all the way across the Atlantic.

Mum died two days later without ever regaining consciousness. The nursing team think my being away freed her to finally let go. It was such a comfort to be with her family when she went. I'm grateful I went on the trip and so grateful to the lovely Virgin staff member who helped me start grieving.

That is wonderful. I'm so glad and happy for you , that things worked out because of the solicitors advice.
Thank you for posting this because it will help others to reach out and help them to acknowledge that there is always hope.
And God bless that solicitor. 🙏

The call from my grandfather, when I was 19, telling me to get to a&e as soon as possible as my twin was desperately unwell. I arrived before the blue lighted ambulance arrived as I lived near to the hospital, watching my parents with my twin and spending a week in ICU not knowing what was happening, but knowing the doctors and nurses were doing all they could has left a mark on me and my family. We did go back and thank the docs and nurses, they were outstanding.

What an awesome thread, totally made my night.

Who knows, maybe someone reading the thread will say thank you, or do something that changes someone else's life out of the blue.

I am a GP and it means so so much to me when I get thanked. It makes the rubbish parts of the job worth it, all the time pressure and constant rushing, being late home to my children, the mountains of admin.

Mine was a face to face comment by a breastfeeding counsellor at the hospital shortly after my son's birth. I have very flat nipples and was really struggling to latch, but was getting good volumes of milk with a pump. He was being tube fed due to a chest infection. I said how unfair it seemed to be producing milk well yet baby couldn't access it from me, and she told me that some women continue to pump milk and give by bottle as their long term plan, even after discharge from hospital, even for older babies. Said it was more common in USA as maternity leaves are so short, but not unheard of in UK. I had genuinely no idea this was a thing, except for where babies were too ill to nurse directly. I started researching online and realised how much info and support there was. Ended up exclusively pumping for 9 months with eldest, and that experience I gained about my nipple size, shape, shields, practice with expressing etc all contributed to me successfully nursing my next baby. Her comment meant I think as chat was instrumental to me, as I know without that I would've been forced to switch to formula when son was being discharged and still couldn't latch on. I was desperate to breastfeed. My entire social circle breastfed, it was 100% expected, or so I felt.
I saw her months later at a baby group and thanked her, and started crying!
Just as a note in case anyone is dubious- I'm frankly embarrassed that a GP's education could have failed to include this point about breastfeeding. Nowhere was it mentioned that exclusively pumping was a thing.
When I returned to work I educated my colleagues pretty damn quick!

@HiCandles I did this too. My daughter was tiny & I have big boobs. Rented a state of the art breast pump that could empty both boobs in 10 minutes. Pumped for 3 months & fed her my milk in a bottle. Amazingly at that point she was big enough to latch on & went onto my breast (even though everyone said once they get used to a bottle they’ll never breast feed).

So many

A taxi driver who picked me up, with no money, asked if i was ok, and waited while i climbed many stairs got some from home after he drove me home. He asked if i needed help, if i needed Hopsital or police, i refused everything, gave him a huge tip and told him to forgot my face and address. it had been a terrible night, but i was just glad to be alive. I’ve never forgotten his kindness.

I wrote to thank someone after DF died, said he had been fantastic, and I’d sent him on his final journey with something he’d made for him, and it would be with him for eternity. Got a lovely reply, saying I’d made him cry happy tears as no one ever said thank you.

The funeral director and drivers were also amazing. They fulfilled every last odd request I had. Including speeding up the crem date for overseas family to make it . As was the private ambulance that brought him home to die, they contacted me in the small hours when I emailed them. And were there at the crack of dawn.

I love giving random compliments.
Tonight went up to a couple dancing at Pride to say their almost perfect choreography and enthusiasm had made my night.

Mine is being on the receiving end of a thank you.
A few years ago I worked as an advisor at the CAB.
Occasionally we would have a client that would come in with a fairly ordinary enquiry just to test the water...and then when they felt comfortable..would explain the real reason they had come in.
I had a middle aged lady...married.. no children asking about Housing Benefit.
We talked about it at length and I did a few calculations and sorted it out.
Then she told me that her husband had a brain tumour..it was inoperable and she had no idea what would happen at the end..nobody had explained it to her.I sat with her for a long time. Letting her talk and cry. I asked for help from the in-house welfare rights team who were brilliant and got her lots of help
Some time later we received a lovely card thanking me and the whole team for the care and advice but most of all for listening.
Her story was heart breaking and I have to admit I felt drained after our meeting and cried to my manager but felt so glad that we helped

social services phoning and saying leave my husband or my children would be taken from me. 23 years of abuse and trying to leave but always going back. Being forced changed my life and my children’s

That's brilliant, especially that you were able to start nursing directly. I had a few goes with my son to try but didn't work. Mostly my inexperience I think because I have quite easily fed youngest for 16m and counting!