That phone call that changed my life

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Inspired by another thread on here. 3 years ago I was in a deeply unhappy relationship, I posted on here a lot at the time. Finally one day I was brave enough to fill in an online form on a solicitor website that Google threw up. I hadn’t done any research into the firm, didn’t know what I was doing, just knew I was unhappy, venting to mumsnet and things needed to change.

I had a conversation with a solicitor, it hadn’t been my plan that morning. He called me after I put in the form. He was so kind, and on it. He made the process seem so clear. I was worried about ownership of my dog- he didn’t think that was silly or the wrong thing to focus on. He just gave me excellent advice.

I wasn’t married, and so actually the process was quite simple. I never engaged his services. I just had that conversation which let me know the lay of the land and that was it.

I don’t think he knows that he changed my life, and I will be forever grateful. Probably one of a million conversations he’s had on the same vein, but for me that conversation means the world.

My exH left and for ages I was in a total mess - couldn't think straight, and I thought I was faced with an absolutely insurmountable task of getting divorced, getting the house sorted, sharing equity etc. I didn't have the least idea of what to do, (and typically the ex just announced his intentions, left, then expected me to sort everything. I swear he thought you just said "I want a divorce" and that's that). Again it was a solicitor - she was incredibly patient and gave me months just to get my head straight and then steered me gently through the steps I had to take, one by one. The insurmountable mountain became achievable bit by bit. Looking back, I can't believe the utter brain fog and exhaustion I had and how little I could remember from day to day. That's what stress and heartbreak does to you I guess.

And also like a PP, the mortgage broker I chose found me an offset mortgage which will ultimately save me many thousands of pounds. Why aren't more people aware of them?!

I know that in both their cases they were only doing their job, but it can have such an impact.

A very young probationary police officer saved my life. Literally. Thanks to him I survived my violent ex. I wish I could now, over 30 years later tell him that without him, I would almost certainly be dead. I am so grateful.

I do this sometimes too, and complimented someone on their fabulous dress while in a shop queue one day. Several months later the lady came up to me in a cafe (I didn’t recognise her until prompted) and said that one little conversation had made her day, that she was at a really low point and felt she didn’t deserve the lovely dress, but had gone home and ordered it in another colour. Which then made my day.

I had a similar experience with the coroner’s office, twice. It makes such a difference at what is a really traumatic time. Hugs x

These are such lovely stories and thanking people, even years later, makes such a difference. I’ve had a couple of pupils contact me years later telling me what a difference I made and it’s so lovely, makes everything so worthwhile.

What a heartwarming thread!

About 25 years ago, I showed a young woman an experimental technique when we were working at a scientific research institute. She had just started doing a PhD with a lab head who I could not stand. He swanned around the institute like the second coming of Christ, was one of those blowhards who were good at getting ahead by schmoozing the hierarchy while viciously bullying his staff and students and stealing his underlings' ideas. He had already wrecked several PhD students, who left science completely broken and disillusioned.

While I was showing the young woman the technique, I warned her quietly about her supervisor, and advised her to reconsider another offer she had told me about. I never saw her again because I left the institute for another shortly afterwards.

Fifteen years later, she sent me an email. She had become a high-ranking scientist at a prestigious university, and wanted to thank me for the advice I had given her all those years ago. It had made her look closely at her supervisor and his lab, and what she saw made her quit and take up the other offer, which led her to a very successful PhD.

I felt very happy for her, and was very glad that I warned her. I'm out of that field now but have heard that she herself is a wonderful and well-loved boss and PhD supervisor.

Some lovely stories here.

If anybody is reading this thread with the same concerns as earlier posters worried about leaving an abusive relationship because of their dog, can I mention the Dogs Trust Freedom service set up specifically to offer temporary fostering to deal with this situation:

https://www.dogstrust.org.uk/how-we-help/ownership/freedom

I was an estate agent and went to value a house and the woman owner was in absolute bits. Her husband had left her for someone else and she felt she had no alternative but to sell. I listened to her and could tell she didn't want to move but felt she had no alternative. I recommended a solicitor I knew who could help her and told her to stay put until she was more settled. I also told her I knew she was heartbroken but that would change and she would meet someone else and things would get better. I said give me a call in a couple of years and we'll see how things have panned out.
Sure enough she did. She had a new partner and was wanting to sell up so they could buy together. It warmed my heart to see her so happy after everything she had been through.

I have had a very recent and very shocking sudden bereavement. I was out the other day in the local shop and suddenly started to cry uncontrollably. A couple of lovely women took me aside, mopped up my tears and listened to my pour out my grief. They carried my shopping for me and waited for the but with me and gave me a massive hug when it arrived. Angels on Earth

There'll be the usual posts about presents for teachers starting soon, in 1974 when my late husband left the job he'd had for four years he got the usual stuff but he also got a letter from a mother thanking him for what he'd done for her son, he'd been the first positive male influence in her son's life. Long after the mugs had broken, the after shave had been used up and the beer consumed he still kept that letter, it meant so much to him.

What a beautiful thread, and a massive lump in my throat!

About 10 years ago I wrote to the surgeon who had operated on me with the objective of giving my IVF round more of a chance of working. I sent her a picture of my first born with a thank you note, she was really delighted to receive it and said she never normally hears from patients after the event.

You’re so right. A young man in my family works in a coffee shop and has regular customers who like to chat to him because they don’t have anyone in their lives. He often has to deal with grumpy and rude customers and keep smiling even though he suffers from depression and is on the spectrum, so he really appreciates when people are polite and respectful😊

I think ultimately, we never know when that one interaction/conversation, or even passing comment can have a huge impact on someone’s life.
Your knowledge, kindness, passion can make a difference.
I wish you well op x

I remember telling our mortgage broker that if I had kids I'd name one after him!! He was absolutely brilliant and very patient with me sobbing down the phone to him when everything was going pear shaped. I emailed their feedback team afterwards to say thank you, and they sent me a note back to say he'd been given a recognition reward which was lovely to know.

Mine was a colleague who told me I had a case for constructive dismissal.

I'd never heard of it. Changed everything for me.

If his name is Alastair and it’s the same one I’m thinking of, he is the nicest man and so helpful. He left an impression on me too. It’s nice when you meet people like that.

The nurse who found me alone, sobbing my heart out in the hospital waiting area when my mum had been taken to a ward during Covid, so I couldn’t go with her - after a long night and so much fear and uncertainty. He went and got me an undrinkable coffee and an awful plastic sandwich, and the kindness this represented to me was something I’ll never forget. He was ridiculously busy, but took the time to be kind.

That's so lovely! Teachers really can make all the difference.

This sounds like an interesting story, if you’d like to share

A long time ago I was very junior and just temping at a job I loved where my boss was a terrifying bully. He terrorised everyone and did his job in the most careless and borderline dangerous way. I reported him when he finally crossed the line with another female colleague. The man we went to (a very senior civil servant) believed us straight away (this was years and years before me too and believing women) and I never had to see the bully again. It changed the trajectory of my whole life. I am now very senior in a job I love and was able to take the senior colleague who believed us and (eventually after due process) dismissed the bully and thank him for his belief in two very junior and vulnerable young women at a time when it meant he had to stand up against MANY establishment figures to do so. It was a special day when I got to say a thank you and tell him what it meant to me.

This is such a lovely thread. When I was in hospital with my second child, in absolute bits because they were testing him for all sorts of scary things, including meningitis and sepsis, I definitely met an ‘angel on earth’. I had been struggling to feed him, he had been tube fed for a few days and then when I was ‘allowed’ to try breastfeeding him he couldn’t latch at all. I had fed my older child with shields and had told all the midwives there that I would probably need to again and that I already had some in my hospital bag, but they kept trying to force me to do it without them. Anyway, this midwife who I’d not seen before and never saw since, came to do baby’s obs, took one look at me trying to feed him, me in tears and him struggling and just said ‘do you want some shields lovely?’ I was so so relieved. She grabbed me some and then sat with me for a while and somehow we ended up talking about memories of my late mother and it was just the loveliest, kindest conversation that I so desperately needed at such a hard and emotional time. From that day on my baby started feeding and getting his strength up enough to leave the hospital and fight the infection (they never did find out what it was). Forever grateful to her.

I’ve also been on the receiving end of a thanks and it really did mean the world. Similar to a post up thread, a grandma of a child who had lost his mother just before joining my class, wrote me a letter at the end of the year thanking me for the positive impact I’d had on him and that I’d ‘given them their happy little boy back again’. It was the proudest moment of my teaching career and I still think of the boy (now grown up) often and wonder how his life turned out.

I called my friend after my then partner assaulted me when I was 10 weeks pregnant. She told me to call the police and that she was coming round. Knowing she was on the way (despite it meaning leaving a fun day out with friends meant I did. I called 101, was o hold for 15 minutes and finally got through to someone who very much thought I should have called 999 and sent two police offers round immediately.

calling my dad to tell him i was pregnant and said jerk of an ex didn’t want me to keep the baby. His response was ‘well what’s it got to do with him. Just come home it’ll be ok’ so I did.

numerous others during that pregnancy helped, many who I never spoke to except on the phone (PCSO’s and the boss of the job I had to not start because I needed to move away from my violent partner were all lovely).

The most momentous phone call of my life though was the one to my now DP, after a week or so of chatting we had a phone call date and talked for hours. He’s the absolute love of my life and 5 years later I still think of that first phone call with a big smile, just the sound of his voice as he said hello had me.

Mine is a consultant who totally coincidentally happened to treat me in 2 different hospitals (one private, one NHS) for 2 miscarriages - in my early 40s, so time was running out. He suggested (as I was being wheeled in to operating theatre) that I call his secretary at NHS hospital, despite not having obligatory 3 miscarriages. The condition I had was easily treatable but meant I would never have had a successful full term pregnancy. He diagnosed it and I subsequently had 2 children - now in their 20s. Totally changed my life!

Let him know . This will matter on the days that the we think the shit we do really seems like it doesn't make a difference at all and sit there considering a career change.