AIBU STBXH bringing his affair partner to my home when I’m on holiday.

[jamandscones]

I’m an older lady, long marriage (50 yrs) to a shit husband I should have divorced years ago. Cheating, abusive and a shit dad. Yes I’m weak, but I’ve been so worn down by it over the years. So the latest (the slag that broke this camels back) triggered divorce. Divorce in progress but will take months also will need to sell the house. I cannot afford to rent. He won’t move out. I am going on holiday with my daughter and he insists this woman can stay the week in my home. I have my own bedroom and will lock the door and put in a Ring camera. My home has photos of my children and grandchildren and my personal items

He is doing this to hurt me. His own solicitor was shocked and said she would not like it and it was ungentlemanly, but nothing I could do about it. I’ve already told the neighbours. I went away to family last weekend and she stayed here. She left condoms and lube on my coffee table.

He says he has the right as it’s half his house AIBU and more to the point anything I can do about it? She’s aware I don’t want her here.

YANBU but unfortunately you can't stop him.

Id put anything thats yours in the bedroom so its locked away

He really is a shit doing that to you. I hope you can go your separate ways soon

You can't stop it but what a nasty, nasty man he is.

YANBU but there's nothing you can do about it.

He's obviously rubbing your face in it, especially if he told you his own solicitor 'was shocked and said she would not like it and it was ungentlemanly'.

What a truly nasty and vindictive man. Hopefully your house will sell soon and you can move on from this nightmare and heal.
Love to you and stay strong against this POS.

I'm caught between:

High Road- He's looking for a reaction, don't give him one.

Low Road - I'd leave an earring (one that looks like a much younger woman than she would wear in the bed) and leave a used wrapper in a bin where she'll see and think she may not be the only one he has round.

It doesn't really matter. Take it as absolutely confirmation that you are a million times better than this man amd deserve so much better than the life you had with him. Enjoy your holiday and don't give him a second thought because he's not worth it.

Low Road - I'd leave an earring (one that looks like a much younger woman than she would wear in the bed) and leave a used wrapper in a bin where she'll see and think she may not be the only one he has round.
I like this ..

I'd be utterly scornful of him when I got back. I'd have held the lube up and laughed in his face and said 'You silly old fool - you really have hooked up with someone classy this time, I see!'

She must be utterly dreadful (as is he) to behave this childishly!

I'd ignore him and refuse to play these silly games, but yes. He's an arsehole. I wouldn't lower myself to his standard.

Laxative in the coffee jar, itching powder in the sheets, something that beeps continually but they can't find, I'm petty though!

Second putting everything you hold dear locked in your room

What an absolute shitheel. I hope his knob falls off.

What an absolute bastard, and she is classless

I wish I had some useful advice, but agree with pp about locking all your stuff away.

It’s a vile thing for him to do. She’s insecure and going along with it, he’s just a dickhead who wants to show how ‘happy’ he is. Which clearly isn’t true as people who are happy don’t need to prove it to anyone.

I hope the divorce is sorted as quickly as possible and in the meantime hold your head up high, let him see you smirking when she leaves her shit about so he sees how pathetic you see him and his whole situation, you’re worth more than either of them.

Remove your valuables and sentimental items. Would one of your children keep them for you?

You can lock your door but home locks are usually really easy to break and I wouldn't trust these 🤡s not to break in to mess with you.

You could leave a box of exploding glitter dicks wrapped up like a present.

He sounds awful. I’m surprised he still wants a fling - he must be about 70 if you’ve been married 20 years! Do you have anywhere to go - you need to get out & let them get on with it. Let her wash his pants & make his dinner.

Sorry meant 50 years marriage - can’t work out how to edit!

No, you can’t do anything, it’s also his home. I highly doubt his own solicitor would give her personal opinion to a client instead of relaying facts and call him ungentlemanly. How do you know this? As it’s his home too he could also invite her over when you’re in the house and have sex, nothing illegal in doing so I’m afraid. Move all your personal possessions from around the house.

Can you adjust a radio alarm really loud in your room and time it to wake up at 4am? Lock the door of course.

You can stop him from doing this - my ex tried to do the same thing when we were cohabiting and my solicitor threatened his with court (there's an order you can get as this is seen as an invasion of privacy and also some kind of harassment - I can't remember exactly what she said). He didn't end up doing up and signed something to agree that we both need to consent to who is allowed in the property

Next time he is away for the night put a few sex toys, condoms and maybe a pair of mens boxers around the living room - see how he likes it!

I’ve been married over 25 years, I’m in my 50s.

The ow is a classy piece, isn’t she? Condoms and lube on the kitchen table? Nice! I’m another who says ignore their disgusting nonsense, lock your bedroom with all valuables in it. Horrible behaviour from your stbxh.

Me too 😁

What a pair of skanks. Just focus on your coming freedom and all the lovely things you are going to do.

Has his toothbrush been in the toilet yet?
I don’t think you can do much as it’s his home as well.
However, I would be removing anything he hasn’t paid/ contributed towards (I.e clearing the cupboards out, toilet roll, clean towels (because I doubt he has brought washing power etc?))
I do also love the idea of laxatives/ itching powder etc. But it’s whether it is likely to backfire on you later.
If she has already been in your home, not much point taking the pictures down etc, as she has already seen them.
I don’t know how you are coping, but go and enjoy that holiday!

What a pair of despicable arseholes. Quite honestly, I’d find the lube and inject some extra hot chilli oil in it. I would also do all of the other things that other people have suggested.

Isn’t there a story about a woman sewing out of date prawns into the curtain hems? Stink them out!

This !!! You should do this 😂 . This is a good idea!

I did something similar with an ex boss - I dropped an opened pack of kippers down the back of his filing cabinet one Friday afternoon before a bank holiday weekend. It was very hot, and when I came back to work on the Tuesday, the entire floor of our building had been evacuated because of the smell. It took them some time to find the kippers. 😆😆

I'd be worried that you won't be able to get back in. Sorry, that was my first thought.