AIBU STBXH bringing his affair partner to my home when I’m on holiday.

[jamandscones]

I’m an older lady, long marriage (50 yrs) to a shit husband I should have divorced years ago. Cheating, abusive and a shit dad. Yes I’m weak, but I’ve been so worn down by it over the years. So the latest (the slag that broke this camels back) triggered divorce. Divorce in progress but will take months also will need to sell the house. I cannot afford to rent. He won’t move out. I am going on holiday with my daughter and he insists this woman can stay the week in my home. I have my own bedroom and will lock the door and put in a Ring camera. My home has photos of my children and grandchildren and my personal items

He is doing this to hurt me. His own solicitor was shocked and said she would not like it and it was ungentlemanly, but nothing I could do about it. I’ve already told the neighbours. I went away to family last weekend and she stayed here. She left condoms and lube on my coffee table.

He says he has the right as it’s half his house AIBU and more to the point anything I can do about it? She’s aware I don’t want her here.

Oh, she sounds as nasty as him. Honestly, id ignore him. Hes awful, but hes looking for a reaction and shes OK with that. They deserve eachother, and your best karma is letting them and ignoring them with dignity as hard as it feels.

Honestly even if this is the worst thing hes done to you it's about to become the best thing that happened to you.

My husband had greatly annoyed me once, l turned his underpants inside out and rubbed them in the loft insulation, gave them a shake, turned them the right way and put them back in the drawer.

OP go and enjoy your holiday in the knowledge that this will
all be over soon. You’ll have your freedom. The best revenge is living well and all that!

The OW has probably been told a bunch of lies by your STBXH but I can’t imagine anyone thinking it’s ok to stay over in a family home like this.

Thank you so much for such sisterly support. And yes all his shit over the years has made me strong and resilient. This behaviour is openly cruel and designed to hurt because I’m getting out. He can’t bear to lose.

My children, his own brother and my family are all disgusted with him. This is a long running affair and they managed to find someplace that wasn’t my house to conduct it. His solicitor suggested a hotel!

POS STBX has also said he wants her there when I’m out for the day and to inform him when I’m coming home so she can leave. I asked 101 (as she has verbally threatened me) what I can do and they said 999 if she refuses to leave my home. As the part homeowner no one can be in my house without my permission, but I must confront her and it’s only if she refuses will the police attend. Interesting for others to know i hope.

The Wi-Fi idea is particularly good, as is the chilli oil. The beepers are a definite yes. Last time he did it he’d bought a lovely cake, I licked the top and put it back. Satisfyingly it was mostly eaten be the time I returned. (Childish I know)

Oh and she knows exactly how I feel about it. I text her on his phone (my number is blocked) and told he I would call the police if she was ever in my home as she’d made threats to me. When I initially found out about the affair (yes dumbass here gave him a second chance) she was planning to buy me out of my home (obviously after he’d divorced me and forced the the sale) so I’d have lost the home I’d worked for all my life. Yes totally this has solidified my resolve to divorce and never ever see him again. He can keep his pensions and flashy car. Just to never see or hear from him again will be heaven .

As an update 2 years ago this woman married a far older man in his 90s who is dying, he cut his daughter out of his will and left everything to this OW. When she marries my POS STBX she will make sure his children are cut out and she gets everything. So yes, they deserve each other. Within months of marrying this old man she took up with my POS, and I think the old man will be dying within days. Old man is her 3rd husband, mine the 4th. No, I’m not making this up it’s too bizarre even for fiction. They are both discussing his funeral and my POS moving in to her (smaller) house. I’m praying he will.

“Honestly even if this is the worst thing hes done to you it's about to become the best thing that happened to you”. I 110% agree with this and she has done me the biggest favour ever xxx

Bloody hell, it sounds as if POS and his OW deserve each other! You’re well rid and nearly free of the prick!

More fool your POS STBXH hooking up with the accomplished gold digger.
Near to the indications of ED, leave his prescription and leaflets about funeral plans.
Someone I know undid the stitching on all the pockets of her “D” H’s trousers, another returned half the requested dinner service with every piece broken. “Accidentally lose” his treasured possessions - the remote, his Swiss Army knives, whatever he values. His phone would definitely be going for a swim in my washing machine.

A little bit of old kipper/anny old fish under his mattress in his bedroom before you leave? What a shockingly insensitive thing to do..you’ll be well rid of him. Enjoy your holiday and don’t waste it thinking about him.

I know you're not making it up OP - women like this do exist. In fact, the POS OW sounds exactly like my dad's much younger second wife who we called 'Klondike Annie' due to her obvious gold-digging intentions which were confirmed when, just 4 years to the day after she married him, she divorced him and tried to take his home of 35 years off him which he and my late mum had bought and paid for! 😡Fortunately, the family court judge saw right through her and she ended up going back to the scummy flat in the scummy town she came from with a very small sum of money from the divorce. 😃
You sound very strong OP and I wish you all the very best for the future - you deserve a wonderful and peaceful new life after everything your POS STBX has put you (and your DC) through. Good luck! 🤗

Well if he can move someone in so can you. Do you know anyone who could move in for a while? Preferably someone who likes drill music. And who eats that foul smelling fish they sell in Scandinavia?

Can you mock up an appointment card for the local sexual health clinic?

Order something embarrassing for him to have delivered?

I'm saying this I would probably just think about it, make a long list of petty revenge.

Have just seen your update! You will be well rid by the sounds of it, what a pair of see you next Tuesdays

Please don't leave him with his pensions and flashy car, half is yours, I would make sure I got everything I was owed

Good luck to you, have a lovely holiday with your daughter xx

He is within his rights but no harm in you tipping a load of tabasco sauce in the lube bottle, hide the spare loo roll, leave a 6am alarm on in your locked bedroom. If you do all the shopping make sure to run low on essentials, laundry stuff etc, accidentally pack the TV remote.

Who has the WiFi/netflix etc account? If it's yours, change the password just before you leave...

OP, thanks for your latest update. I'm glad you're planning on using some of the ideas for revenge, and loved the story about you licking his cake!😅

However, as another poster has said, please, please, PLEASE, do not let him get away with anything in the divorce settlement. Get your lawyer to be as aggressive as possible, this POS owes you BIG TIME for the way he has treated you, so take his pension, his flash car, anything and EVERYTHING you can get. I know you'll be relieved to never have to see him again, but letting him get away with anything over and above what he's entitled to, would not only be foolish, but will yet again make him think he's got one over on you.

Never mind your bedroom, I’d put a lock on every door in the house.
But seriously, try and be zen as fuck, it’s a house, think about the shit times you’ve had with him there(converse to the usual advice of remembering the happy times) and that soon it and scumbag will be out of your lives.
But in the meantime I’d be petty as fuck, lock all the nice food in your room, the good towels and toiletries and bedding, something small but irritating.

This is yet another thread where I wish we could name names. I'd love the other woman to be on here, or better yet her friends, so they can see who she is.

Accept you're soon going to be free of this waste of space and just laugh in his face every time he tries to cause you upset.

He can keep his pensions and flashy car. Just to never see or hear from him again will be heaven .

No, no, no, OP. You are entitled to a share of his pension - do NOT give this up. If he has a private pension it is well worth going after your share, as well as your share of the house.

I think I'd go for a habitation order and possibly non-molestation. He is deliberately psychologically abusing you. And you can probably evidence this going back years.

It is a type of domestic abuse..

What has she won OP?
Him?
Honestly from what you say you should be rejoicing she is not the straw she is the spark that made you finally escape!

No keep the pension. When you outlive him it'll still keep paying out, but will reduce the amount he receives now.

Are they all your children? Once the house is sold, you get half?

I would not be "staying sweet" so that your AHSTBX gives your DS money. There is a good chance that he will not do it as soon as the divorce is final. If it's a will thing, he can change it just to be a spiteful prick, which he has already proven he is. I would get an external lock put on your bedroom door along with a nice loud alarm and ring camera.

Also, feel free to find some gentleman who would be willing to come to the house and have you fix him a gourmet meal, nice dessert and watch TV with you.

I pray you are not cooking, cleaning up or doing your AHSTBX's laundry?

Don't let him keep his pension. My ex wife tried this. I don't understand pensions exactly but I got 38% in the end worth £68000 so please switch on and get a good solicitor.
Make sure you spend any money in joint accounts as well if possible before he stops you accessing it.
Also get his car valued so you can get more money in the divorce settlement. He deserves everything you throw at him

YANBU. Unfortunately your shit husband doesn’t respect you & hasn’t respected you for so long that he doesn’t care. Lock up your stuff in your room. Personally, I’d try to not give him the satisfaction of seeing how upset you are this. The divorce will be finalised soon.