AIBU STBXH bringing his affair partner to my home when I’m on holiday.

[jamandscones]

I’m an older lady, long marriage (50 yrs) to a shit husband I should have divorced years ago. Cheating, abusive and a shit dad. Yes I’m weak, but I’ve been so worn down by it over the years. So the latest (the slag that broke this camels back) triggered divorce. Divorce in progress but will take months also will need to sell the house. I cannot afford to rent. He won’t move out. I am going on holiday with my daughter and he insists this woman can stay the week in my home. I have my own bedroom and will lock the door and put in a Ring camera. My home has photos of my children and grandchildren and my personal items

He is doing this to hurt me. His own solicitor was shocked and said she would not like it and it was ungentlemanly, but nothing I could do about it. I’ve already told the neighbours. I went away to family last weekend and she stayed here. She left condoms and lube on my coffee table.

He says he has the right as it’s half his house AIBU and more to the point anything I can do about it? She’s aware I don’t want her here.

And the condoms and lube (yuk) were done to get a reaction. This is all about get a reaction from you. Don't give it.

Me too, and me too.

While many of the ideas for revenge have made me laugh out loud, I just want to say how sorry I am that you've suffered through all these years, only to be treated like this OP. I think it is the most cruel thing I've ever heard of! I NEVER use the C ..t word, but in this case it's definitely justified! As for her, what sort of woman would want to sleep with a man like this? She must be desperate, or a really cheap tart! Come to think of it, she's clearly BOTH! Evil bitch! Sounds like they deserve each other. I know it's a terrible thing to say, but I seriously hope that he has a heart attack whilst on the job, it's no less that the nasty old bastard deserves!

Have a WONDERFUL holiday OP, and try and put the pair of them out of your mind, as they're really not worth wasting head space on. Sending a sisterly hug your way!

I am so appalled on your behalf I will probably not be able to find the right words. Your husband is a disgrace and so is his woman; I do not understand why she would want to stay in your house - your family home - with him while you are away and her leaving condoms and lube around for you to see is beyond disgusting. It says something about the pair of them that they need condoms, frankly. Do they not trust each other sufficiently and have to practice 'safe sex'? It's dreadful.

Thank goodness you will soon be free of this poor apology for a spouse and a father.

He will get his comeuppance sooner or later, what goes around very often comes around.

Onwards and upwards for you and I wish you all the luck in the world.

Make sure you leave the house in a mess for them.

I know I’m petty but…. I’d wait until he goes for a pee…. Then I’d go to use the bathroom…. Make sure you come out sniffing,,nose in the air. Ask him if he’s been eating a tune sandwich. When he says no just say you can smelly a strong fishy waft. Then get closer - and say the smells coming from him (if you’re brave you can dribble some tuna juice in his bed when he’s not there, just a bit.

Give it time to sink in and then say “ooh gosh, have you both been tested? I think there’s an std that smells like that?”.

Make sure you look all doe eyed and genuinely concerned.

He’s a shit for behaving like this. What an abhorrent man.

50 years married leaving condoms and lube lying around. I'd be grinding up Viagra and hope he drops dead on the job .

Fuses out of router, tv, etc. wrap neatly in sellotape and replace them.

Decorate. Do the gloss work the day before, use traditional, smelly, oil based gloss.

@jamandscones make sure you put a packet of tenaman in the bathroom before you go!!! order some male incontinence leaflets and appliances like uridomes etc! get an orange and squeeze it onto the middle side of the bed when he gets up. it should dry before he gets intobed at night but it looks like pee in the bed!! who the hell are the 4% who think OP is being unreasonable????? ( in fact, collect your own wee and pour some on the crotch of every pair of trousers he owns!!

Personally I would sit back and laugh.

The woman who is doing this with him just wants the win. She wants to say to herself "hah! I shagged her husband in her house, thats how much better than her I am!!" Once she has the win she wont need him anymore, she will then move on to the new challenge. You will be happily single and he will be miserably so.

Let him do it. There is no fool like an old fool and that is him.

How old is he?! Must be 70s at least?

Amen.

What an insufferable bastard your STBExH is @jamandscones, thank goodness you'll soon be rid of him.

Wouldn't it be a terrible shame if you accidentally packed the remote control for the TV in your holiday luggage? I also liked PP's suggestion of hair dye in his shampoo, although I would go for green, rather than purple, a bit weirder and odd looking for a grey haired old arsehole than a purple rinse.

I hope you and your DD have a wonderful holiday.

It wouldn’t surprise me if he put the condoms and lube on the table.
Dent his ego. Leave indications of ED for them.
As he’s quite deaf is there something he relies on which you can use to make life more difficult for him?
Empty the kitchen of plates and mugs apart from two of each which are very badly chipped.
Unclean sinks and loos won’t go down well with her. Stop cleaning a week before you leave.
Ask the neighbours to have all their parcels delivered to your address for the week.

You can check using online benefits calculator if eligible for UC to rent until house sold. The house won’t count while it’s part of divorce settlement / waiting to be sold for UC but other savings or assets would. Getting out so he can’t provoke you would be the best solution.
I would also take sets of towels and bedding you don’t want used and keep them in your room.
You can put childproof locks on cupboards get the ones with a magnetic key and keep the key in your possession. The split the kitchen stuff in half. Make it like a student house where each person has their own stuff / cupboard. Put anything you bought eg ingredients in your own cupboard and lock it. Remove all the loo roll before you go away.
Is there nowhere you could go for the summer eg do you know someone with a caravan or could house sit for?

Yes to the little beepy things! You can get them for about few quid on Amazon, they’re tiny and designed to make an annoying noise at irregular intervals, if they’re well hidden they have no chance of finding them as they stop beeping again by the time they get remotely close. One in his bedroom, one in the kitchen, one in the living room should do the trick. Put the bedroom one somewhere like inside a curtain pole. I promise it will drive them both absolutely nuts, and they can forget about getting any sleep. My brother put one in his friend’s house on a Friday as a joke, went back over on the Sunday and his friend was in the process of taking the electrical sockets off the walls to try and find the beeping as he’d exhausted all other possibilities 🤣

Can you give a link MoneyMoneyMoney25?

What a pathetic human

Sorry for the extra stress, but this will not matter when its all done.

Good riddance though in the end.

These are the ones. You can drive anyone you want bonkers for less than a tenner.

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This is a lesson for women not to waste their best years on a useless man like this.

On top of everything else he was abusive to the kids. They had to live with this horrible man in the shape of a father.

Don’t shame/blame the woman she has her punishment, she has your ex!

Do shame and blame her, she knows she’s going into another woman’s home.

Disgraceful !

While ever we continue to blame women for
men’s behaviour we are just perpetuating the problem. We have no idea what his girlfriend has been told about the situation or why she made the choices she has. But she’s not the problem. The ex is. Women need to stop dragging each other down it just makes men more powerful.

She will be aware when entering the property it’s a family home! She’s done it before and she’s doing it again.

Shes also wrong, women can be wrong!

He’s wrong, she’s wrong.

Thanks MoneyMoneyMoney25. Appreciated.