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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Unreasonable response from DH

155 replies

SoppySalad · 16/06/2025 12:11

My husband and I have been together since childhood and are both in our mid forties. No real marital issues. Sex life is good and there is no sneaky behaviour. DH is open with his phone/laptop and goes to and from work and doesn’t do a lot else.

So we were in Sainsbury’s and my husband had gone off to grab something whilst I was at the till. As he was walking back, the lady on the next till started to wave at him and I looked at her and then looked back to him and he was gone.

I carried on packing and watched as she began leaving the store, but just before leaving, she stopped and turned to look as if expecting someone to come over to her. Then she turned and left.

A minute later DH arrived back at the till. I finished up and as we were leaving said ‘I think the lady on the next till knew you?’. He replied ‘yes’. I gave it a moment and then prompted ‘work?’ And he said ‘yes’.

I thought he was a bit off - and different to what I’m used to, so I said “hun, I’m feeling like perhaps you didn’t want to come back to the till with that person there. Was there something wrong?”

He exploded, which is very unusual for my husband. He said I was being jealous, does he have to give me her life story…he doesn’t know her, doesn’t speak to her in work and all he knows is she married to the bosses nephew. What’s he supposed to do, come and make awkward conversation with a colleague on his day off? He doesn’t want to see anyone. He didn’t want to be shopping.”

This response felt out of the blue and was very upsetting as I felt it was unwarranted. He proceeded to not join us for a family barbecue at my parents and ignored me all evening.

He did later apologise and said he shouldn’t have responded so evasively, but he was annoyed and irritated.

I am beyond confused and hurt. It’s very out of character. He was under a lot of stress for context, as we also had a plumbing disaster that morning, with a big fix required. If he said he hadn’t wanted to come shopping, I’d have left him home.

Thoughts would be appreciated.

OP posts:
AIAgent · 16/06/2025 23:57

I regularly see work colleagues/connections who for a variety of reasons I don’t want to chat with.

I just say Chris from work incoming 12 o’clock (or whatever!). No big deal, why can’t he just say?

Thisshirtisonfire · 17/06/2025 00:01

You already know the answer really as you stated yourself he was stressed.

If there's no other signs that he's having an affair then that's honestly the last thing I'd think. I know some people on this thread are saying he is but on mumsnet you will always get a group of women who'll come and declare a man is having an affair at the slightest opportunity.

You know your DH.

If it were my DH I'd know he wasn't having an affair. It'd be out of character for him to behave like that shouting at me.. but I would just put it down to stress. I'd want an apology and an explanation obviously.

I can totally understand why someone who was having a difficult day did not want to interact with someone they barely knew who seems like the type of overly friendly person who will try and have a proper chat.

Rayqueen · 17/06/2025 02:15

Nothing like making drama out of nothing. Give the guy a break 4 big things in one day won't be the first time I've dived off down an aisle or into a shop to avoid my managers . Work talk is for work time and I can't stand the huge chats when I haven't managed to slip past

okydokethen · 17/06/2025 12:54

To be fair he’s given you a detailed explanation and apologised-maybe he’s just telling the truth!

Theresabookinme · 17/06/2025 19:54

Sorry OP - sounds way off to me.

his explanation just makes things sound worse.

You sound very level headed.

to be fair, he sounds like a reasonable person, which is why his behaviour is so strange. If he was generally a nasty person, his behaviour would be more explainable.

he didn’t want you to meet this woman. And feels guilty for some reason. It doesn’t mean affair, but he’s hiding something

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