To feel a sense of rage every time someone replies to a thread with unsolicited autism diagnoses?

[ImAHandModel]

I am autistic, but late diagnosed because I was too intelligent to be autistic in the 70s 😅. But it really winds me up something rediculous when reading threads asking for relationship/parenting advice, and every. single. one. has a reply, "have you considered DS/DH/MIL (take your pick) might be autistic?"

This desperate need to label everyone with a neurodivergence undermines the reality of actually autistic people, non-autistic people who are struggling to get on, and (more importantly to me) the responsibility of parents to do your job properly! If your kid is autistic, you still need to help them to live in the real world, and if you are parenting without a head (I imagine your own) up an orifice, and are paying attention to what your child shares day-to-day (in whatever way they choose to share) then their neurodevelopmental status doesn't matter anyway. It does not let you off the hook from good parenting if your child is autistic, and unless everyone here is a psychiatrist, clinical psychologist or child psychotherapist, they really shouldn't be suggesting that every problem on the forum is solved by assuming that the antagonist of the story is autistic.

YABU

Both my children and I have an autism diagnosis because someone on a parenting forum suggested it. Everyone else told them to shut up, they were being ridiculous, but they were right.

YABU I often see people on here asking if others think their 6 month old baby/2 year old child who isn't jumping through hoops might be autistic - and people almost always say no, that their behaviour sounds perfectly normal.

YABU also because even an ASD diagnosis is still basically an opinion. There is no definitive test that proves without doubt that someone is autistic or not. If you have lived with a child for many years with ASD and done plenty of reading and research then you can be pretty sure of the red flags. I've also never seen anyone say another posters child definitely has autism - they'd be shot down pretty quick.

YABU also because who are you to decide that those kids definitely don't have ASD? Poor behaviour is generally an indicator of a child not coping and a possible reason for that is that they are ND. Add in a few other issues that aren't typical of NT kids and it's not an unreasonable suggestion. I wish it had been suggested at an earlier point to me - ds wasn't diagnosed till secondary school age. I did a huge amount of research and wrote pages and pages and as a result he was diagnosed (NHS) in 30 minutes straight.

YABU also because if your child is autistic then it is really important as a parent to be aware (even of just the possibility) because parenting will be different to parenting an NT child. Parenting DS when he was little and I didn't know he was autistic was extremely difficult, sleeping/weaning/potty training/starting school were all absolute hell. It would have been so much easier if only I'd had an inkling and understood what was going on for him. Despite all that he's now living away from home and working as a software engineer, this took huge amounts of input on my part and a lot of time, effort and support - there was no lazy parenting or thinking he didn't need to function in the world.

YABU also to even bring this up again when it has been done to death on MN. Honestly you'd think you'd be aware how great the chance is that children, especially girls, with autism are missed. Not one teacher had even mentioned it as a possibility to me before ds got to 10 years old and his class teacher went on a course. Clever and/or well behaved children are missed all the time.

"If your kid is autistic, you still need to help them to live in the real world"

My son will always need a large amount of adjustments and will never pass as not being different.

This.

Surely you are contradicting yourself OP.

I couldn't agree more with the op

However, first post?? 'Oh, we need a diagnosis'

I cannot believe the amount of people on here who immediately assume a child needs a diagnosis. It's the default reaction.

@ImAHandModel Part of me agrees but I also think that if someone has suggested ND when my oldest child was going through a traumatic time it would have possibly saved a decade of pain and an untimely end to her education. What we got was a diagnosis of anxiety which meant little and didn’t help. Being diagnosed off her own back as an adult was a life changer.

Frustration maybe but rage?

This is absolutely not true.

Yes this is very strange on sm. The videos of if you do this or that you're autistic or have ADHD or PDA or OCD or something else. It's odd.

I am also late diagnosed autistic. I struggled immensely as a child, and as an adult. Diagnosed with a long list of mental health conditions since a young age, until they figured out it was autism on my 30s. I was too clever too, just sucked at coping with anything else. Repeated therapies that didn't work and just frustrated me, and made me feel more different because things that were supposed to work weren't. Housebound for much of my life, only now fully understanding overstimulation and that my experiences are real and not just "anxiety" that I'm too weak to fix or get over. I am just learning that my panic attacks may actually be meltdowns - how am I supposed to know, when everyone has only ever called them panic attacks. I was having "panic attacks" at 8 years old. I had to stop going to school at 15, my career and jobs have been affected.

I don't have a problem with the label being thrown around, because no matter how severely I'm affected, I'm not going to turn into a weird gatekeeper of the diagnosis because that's bizarre. I'd rather the term thrown around 1000 times just to ensure 1 child actually gets the diagnosis they need, and is supported to avoid the years of pure and utter bullshit I've had to endure not understanding what's wrong with me.

Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

ohhh man.

AAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

AHAHAHAhhaahahah

sorry I couldn’t contain myself.

I wish somebody had suggested autism to me online. Would have saved a lot of NHS money and difficulties during my dc’s teenage years. It would have probably also saved my career.

Information and education re ND is a good thing. I find it interesting how we’re all allowed to be informed about some conditions and not others.

I think the OP means that people are running to get a diagnosis to excuse bad behaviour. One of our DC is neurodiverse but we have still worked to instil self sufficiency as that’s needed in the real world.

Excusing bad behaviour is the last reason any parent would seek a ND diagnosis for. Don’t be ridiculous.

Oh the irony. But somehow you are qualified to diagnose bad behaviour and parenting. 🤣

Ah bless....

Back in the real world schools don't care. They just break the law and carry on not supporting even when there is a diagnosis and a need and it's fucking free.

YABU mumsnet helped get my son diagnosed 20 years ago.

Because it's that easy to get a diagnosis isn't it?

All of my kids are ND. Only one has ever been a little shit. Being a little shit isn't criteria for diagnosis either.

"My kids a little shit, please can I have a diagnosis that can never be revoked and will stop them from doing certain carers and moving to certain countries please? Also let's confirm it will prevent them from being excluded from school and stop all punishment for behaviours?"

This is exactly why my eldest has always refused getting a diagnosis. It has far reaching implications for life

Interesting. Can you tell me more about how diagnoses is a barrier to jobs and emmigrating?

@Popsicle1981 i believe countries like Australia can refuse citizenship if you have conditions that they consider will make it more likely you will need medical treatment etc so less beneficial to them as a migrant. I don’t know how often it happens but I have read of it before and I must admit at the time I thought it was sad for the applicant but probably a good thing for the state to do. How many times have Brits complained about people coming from all over the world to access our free healthcare at a huge cost to us

If somebody has zero experience of neurodivergency comments about the subject, I am irritated. However, as the parent of two ND kids and with SN based job, I will comment if I recognise symptoms or have something useful to impart. What I hate is the “we’re all on the spectrum” comments. We are not.