To feel a sense of rage every time someone replies to a thread with unsolicited autism diagnoses?

[ImAHandModel]

I am autistic, but late diagnosed because I was too intelligent to be autistic in the 70s 😅. But it really winds me up something rediculous when reading threads asking for relationship/parenting advice, and every. single. one. has a reply, "have you considered DS/DH/MIL (take your pick) might be autistic?"

This desperate need to label everyone with a neurodivergence undermines the reality of actually autistic people, non-autistic people who are struggling to get on, and (more importantly to me) the responsibility of parents to do your job properly! If your kid is autistic, you still need to help them to live in the real world, and if you are parenting without a head (I imagine your own) up an orifice, and are paying attention to what your child shares day-to-day (in whatever way they choose to share) then their neurodevelopmental status doesn't matter anyway. It does not let you off the hook from good parenting if your child is autistic, and unless everyone here is a psychiatrist, clinical psychologist or child psychotherapist, they really shouldn't be suggesting that every problem on the forum is solved by assuming that the antagonist of the story is autistic.

I have a friend who was relatively recently diagnosed with ADHD and she seems desperate for me to have it too. Every bloody time I meet her I do something that’s a symptom, apparently, and should get tested. I’m really pleased that she has found some value in being diagnosed and I love her to bits, but she needs to give it a rest.

🤣
🎤 Drop

Same difference

This is what people don't seem to grasp everyone has symptoms of adhd and autism it doesn't mean you have autism or adhd. Nd and mental illnesses are based on a pattern of symptoms repeatedly occurring regularly for a long period of time that's negativly impacting your life.

Have you considered you may be autistic?

The spectrum of 'normal' is getting smaller and anyone with a hint of a trait must be (self or friend diagnosed) neurodivergent. Makes a nonsense of the labels.

YANBU at all.
See also: every possible kind of ND must be autism. Even if your DC has had multiple screenings and never "succeeded" in going forward for assessment.

Why have they got rid of the laugh reaction?
🤣🤣🤣

But every person diagnosed with autism was once a person who was not diagnosed with ASD. Since there isn’t a blood test for ASD it is diagnosed only with behavioural traits and sensory profiles and when posters with experience of ASD recognise the patterns of behaviour they sometimes suggest it. So from my point of view YABU.

Presumably you received your late diagnosis because you noticed certain patterns of behaviour and feelings you experienced that made you think it was possible or likely that you were autistic. But somehow other people noticing patterns of behaviour and raising the possibility of Autism is wrong and rage-inducing 🤔

I could not agree more. I get the absolute rage with this, and the long-running thread in "Relationships" where people come to complain about their (invariably undiagnosed) male partner with "Asperger's" who treats them like shit. And not a single one will consider that (a) the main issue is that the partner is and areshole and (B) being autistic doesn't excuse that - if even they even are autistic.

Most of the time the shitty behaviour doesn't even align with diagnostic criteria for autism/ADHD.

ASD ‘gatekeeping’ is a thing, apparently.

And people saying ND when they actually mean autism and / or ADHD, forgetting or not caring that ND isn’t just those two conditions.

No it's not. At all.

Except my nudge to assessment was from an heath professional, not some strangers on the Internet who think every interpersonal difficulty must be because someone is autistic.

and you would be wrong.

Are you a qualified plumber?

Because if you're not, why are you diagnosing an issue with a blocked toilet?

On the contrary, I think you've made my point for me.

Most of what I see is not diagnosis, it's 'Could it be autism' etc.

You've just said 'and you would be wrong'.

A blocked toilet could well overflow when flushed.

If "neurodevelopmental status doesn't matter", why did you bother to pursue a diagnosis as an adult?

Sometimes it is helpful though. I spent about 18 months not understanding why my toddler seemed to be so much harder to parent or why lots of the usual parenting methods just didn't work.

5 years, a diagnosis and lots of research later, I can look back and see why he was acting in certain ways, and more importantly what I could have done to help. This was invaluable when I had a second neurodiverse child, but for those 18 months I really was just bumbling along with no idea. If someone further along their journey has seen what I now see and told me what I should be looking into, I could have suported him better sooner.

I agree with you. We've been trying to get some help for our son who hates school and is very strong-willed and wanted a general holistic view on whether there was something wrong with him but ended up going to a psychologist who basically diagnoses everyone with autism! We did the first questionaire with them and the questions were so biased. The woman asking the questions ignored all the times we answered in the negative and wrote down everything that sounded like it could be related to autism. It was just an autism assessment ( I had thought they'd look at other general things, like previous trauma, his personality etc). I asked what percentage of people who do this test with them get diagnosed with autism and they said 80 per cent!! So we decided not to proceed. We don't want to label him and even if he was autistic he can't use that as an excuse for everything. My gut feeling is that he might be on the spectrum but very high functioning if so, and is probably just a 7 year old typical headstrong boy. It is scary how willing people are to slap a diagnoses on everyone. That's not to say it's important for some people but it just seems like an easy answer when the reality is often more complicated.

When a parent posts that they are at their wits end, have tried everything, their DC has been excluded from nursery or school in EYFS, shares traits that are familiar (from parenting a child with that disability) then I think it is fair to suggest that this is something that they may want to explore. The same as with any other disability.

Speaking as a senco this could not be more wrong. Schools treat need not diagnosis. Surely common sense would dictate that.

You are coming at this from the wrong place. You are late diagnosed yourself- what led you to consider seeking diagnosis? I learnt a lot about autism when seeking support for my son and worked out in also autistic. If I hadn’t sought that support and seen myself in it I would have continued to hold the old view that people like me are not autistic and therefore someone asking if I had considered it on an advice thread on here would be life changing. I’m guilty of asking if it’s been considered because I know had it been considered for me much younger I would have had a much better life.

m that said I do agree. Autism isn’t an excuse for being an arsehole or do being a shit parent. Whe I see it used as an excuse. Particularly when it’s men treating women badly and there is a chorus of “is he autistic?!” I get annoyed. Autism isn’t a synonym for selfish narcissist. Even if some things are harder being autistic doesn’t excuse treating others badly.

‘High functioning’ is an unhelpful description. Just sayin’.

A lot of normal human behaviour is passed off as neurodiversity in general, not just on here. This is since the definition of autism has changed gradually over the years.
It used to be a diagnosis for those severely affected..e.g will always be unable to live independently

Not sure whether changing the definition is helpful or not. I guess only time will tell...

In my experience from a professional and personal view, often those that are ND are the ones that display the most caring, nurturing, positive human traits so yes I agree with the OP…when we see people commenting their husbands treat them like human garbage and people say ‘oh are they autistic’ it enrages me.
FWIW being ND or suffering from anxiety/depression is NEVER an excuse to behave appallingly to someone..the two categorically do not go hand in hand.