To feel a sense of rage every time someone replies to a thread with unsolicited autism diagnoses?

[ImAHandModel]

I am autistic, but late diagnosed because I was too intelligent to be autistic in the 70s 😅. But it really winds me up something rediculous when reading threads asking for relationship/parenting advice, and every. single. one. has a reply, "have you considered DS/DH/MIL (take your pick) might be autistic?"

This desperate need to label everyone with a neurodivergence undermines the reality of actually autistic people, non-autistic people who are struggling to get on, and (more importantly to me) the responsibility of parents to do your job properly! If your kid is autistic, you still need to help them to live in the real world, and if you are parenting without a head (I imagine your own) up an orifice, and are paying attention to what your child shares day-to-day (in whatever way they choose to share) then their neurodevelopmental status doesn't matter anyway. It does not let you off the hook from good parenting if your child is autistic, and unless everyone here is a psychiatrist, clinical psychologist or child psychotherapist, they really shouldn't be suggesting that every problem on the forum is solved by assuming that the antagonist of the story is autistic.

You are being very unreasonable. Parents need a diagnosis in order to access support from schools etc.. Jumping through hoops is a big part of life, and if jumping through a diagnosis hoop helps your kid then parents want to do it.

Completely agree. It gives me the rage too.

Completely agree.

Particularly when its people misdiagnosing a neurodiversity with a husband or partner whose behaviour is beyond the pale. For example:

Poster A: "my husband stayed out for two nights straight taking crystal meth and slept with a prostitute. He's just returned home. What do I do?"

Poster B: "Could he be neurodiverse?"

I think some people with particularly low bars for behaviour have seized upon this as yet another justification for why their no mark partners/husbands might be treating them as they do. See also depression and anxiety.

No love, he's a bellend. Don't insult people with genuine autism.

Yabu, as you've seen yourself ND is often missed especially in adult generations.
If you don't see that diagnosis matters then why did you bother getting diagnosed?

A diagnosis is not needed to access support from school. What is required is evidence of need. Need attracts support.

YABVVU.

I've been on MN 14 years and I don't think I've ever seen posters diagnosing.

What I often see is "Have you considered your child might have autism?" etc.

Well, rage would be overstating it in my case. Weary irritation, definitely! I agree, someone pops up on every thread to suggest the OP's utter twat of a partner "could be neurodiverse" (they mean divergent) or even diagnose him on the spot with autism/ADHD.

It's very prejudicial against people with those conditions - ill-mannered control freak? Must be autistic! Moreover, women are not obliged to live with soul-sucking partners who have informally or formally diagnosed conditions. Most such OPs are already worn down by years of trying to get their partners to treat them with respect and consideration. The reasons for their partners' abuse are irrelevant by this point.

A diagnosis is required to access specialist autism support services for schools though.
It also makes a difference in a lot of teachers approach having a diagnosis, especially when they get to secondary age.

It would be good if that was the case, but sadly there's not enough funding. And when push comes to shove, children who are diagnosed get the support of specialist services and the rest don't.

Genuinely not sure if people read the post or are just replying to the subject... my issue isn't with parents getting support, it is that every single thread has an unsolicited, "maybe they are autistic," reply. Making excuses for bad behaviour or lazy parenting with unqualified medical opinions.

It seems to be an obsession lately with some people, I think there's alot on social media about if you do this or that then your autistic etc and it's really annoying. I see it alot on people's posts about babys and it's absolutely crazy, things like my newborn doesn't cry is he autistic?!

Absolutely!
My thought always is, why would it matter if they were ND? Shock horror, some people with ND can be arseholes just like some people who are NT.
And it doesn’t matter what the cause is necessarily, it’s whether you want to be on the receiving end of the shit behaviour, whatever is causing it

Yanbu mumsnet posters give nd people a very bad name and build on stigma because anytime someone child behaves badly they couldn't possibly be a little shit or crappy parenting they must be ND.
My kids hitting me= must be ND
My kid has a tantrum = must be ND
My kid won't get a job= must be ND
My kid refuses to help around the house = must be ND
My kid just stays in bed all day watching screens and won't leave the house = must be ND
My kid will only eat mcdonalds = must be ND
My kid doesn't want to go to school= must be ND

Have most not bothered to read the OP??

The whole second half of your original post goes on about parents just needing to parent kids without needing a label..?

Maybe they've got ADHD though. Not everyone is able to read 2 paragraphs of text with ease. Check your intelligent autistic privalage 😏

Boom 🎤 drop

To be fair, the same could go for the perimenopause.

Yes, I hate it too.

You don't need a qualified medical opinion to say 'maybe' someone is anything though.

I'm not a qualified plumber but if someone told me their toilet was overflowing, I'd probably say 'maybe there's a blockage somewhere'.

Certain patterns of behaviour or descriptions of relationships trigger people to think of ASD.

One for me is when someone says that X is a really lovely person, but repeatedly does A (difficult behaviour), which is hard to reconcile with being a nice person.

That inconsistency, like spiky profile, suggests ND should be considered.

Lovely people who repeat a behaviour that distresses their loved ones may have an underlying reason for the mismatch.

I think it’s far worse when someone describes behaviour very reminiscent of someone with ASD, and people dismiss them as ‘just an arsehole’. I’d argue that’s more prejudicial.

Maybe read again.
I go on about lay people making excuses for bad parenting or poor behaviour. Most of the, "maybe they're autistic," suggestions contribute nothing to solve the op problem.

Ditto ADHD and narcissism. We also assume that the poster’s version of the events is the true version rather than just their perspective.

and you would be wrong. A toilet not flushing away water might be blocked, but an overflowing toilet is likely to have a problem in the systern.

I think you made my point for me.