17 year old SD made no effort for Father’s Day.

[ReginaaPhalangee]

AIBU to be pretty pissed off that my 17 year old step daughter, who we have 70/30 with her mum,
made no effort for Father’s Day again this year? She has a part time job and gets an allowance from her dad every month, but again, she claimed that she forgot about Father’s Day (despite, ironically working in a supermarket). I reminded her twice this week and she said she has no money left, so I gave her £20 to get a card and chocolates or anything she wanted to get for him.

shes Not working today and only got up an hour ago and said she forgot. I asked what she did with the money I gave her and she said she spent it on shein.

AIBU to be pissed off that no effort was made? Also AIBU to next year not even bother reminding her?

for context, DH co parents very well with her mum so it’s not like there’s issues there, but she’s 17 - surely she should be making an effort.

shes not even said happy Father’s Day to him.!

Why get involved with this? She’s 17, leave her to it.

This is between her and her dad surely? You shouldn't have given her money. Next year just keep out of it.

poor on her part - but giving her money and constant reminders at 17 is ridiculous.
that should have been at 10/12 surely?

Hard disagree with other posters, it's thoughtful of you to try to prompt her. If she's spent the money on other stuff then congratulations she owes you £20. Really poor behaviour on her part.

Given you gave her money for it, clearly not, but frankly I think these days are overhyped marketing gimmicks.

It’s very kind of you to remind her. I would do the same as it doesn’t take much. She now owes you £20 though.

Remind her she owes you back that £20 then perhaps she’ll feel some small consequences of being crap.

It’s not okay but some teenagers can be selfish little shits at times.

I think YABU to get involved. Let her make her own mistakes/errors of judgment at 17yo.

It's hardly a big deal though anyway, is it? Although we do see on MN plenty of people who get all upset when people don't make enough fuss of their birthday so maybe it is a big deal...

She should repay you the £20. Does she do anything for her Mum for Mother's Day? I would think it's a bit harsh if she makes an effort for her Mum but not her Dad (assuming she has a good relationship with her Dad). Although, 17 is that selfish age where people tend to think about themselves more than others, so if she wants to skip celebrating Mother's/Father's Day I wouldn't think it was that big of a deal.

Yabu to get involved.

She makes plenty of effort for her mum, but again that’s encouragement from me and DH. i fear if she wasn’t reminded, she wouldn’t make the effort.

She is obviously making a choice about this and that's up to her why she did this. She shouldn't have taken the money and spent it elsewhere though. This is a symptom of other issues and not really about father's day. Her father needs to respect her decision or maybe work on their relationship or just talk to her about how he feels about it all. Keep out of it next year as what ever you've done ,she's decided not to mark the day.

I think reminding her and giving her £20 was kind. It's a shame she didn't do anything, but teenagers are selfish. She'll probably grow up in a few years.

I'd expect the £20 back.

We didn't have fathers day when I was a kid. It was an American invention introduced for commercial reasons, whereas mothers day arose from a historical tradition. Not that I think fathers shouldn't be honoured, but I've never acknowledged it for my own father (he knows I love and appreciate him anyway).

My kids wanted to do it, so I supported them when they were little. In recent years I've left it entirely up to them.

If your SD doesn't want to buy anything, that's up to her and not your responsibility. A forced purchase, paid for by you, would hardly have been meaningful or heartfelt.

I'd ask her for my £20 back.

I think I would just stop prompting her to mark Mother's and Father's Day. It makes the gesture pretty insincere if you have to force a child to make the effort when they don't want to.

Stop reminding her for Mother’s Day. Stop worrying about Father’s Day. If she chooses to make no effort for her parents that’s up to her. Forcing her to do things is pointless when there is no love or thought behind it. I want my kids to do things because they want to not because they feel forced

How old are you/where do you live? I’m 60 in the U.K. and we definitely had Fathers’ Day when I was growing up. It’s not some mad new idea (though I agree it has less deep roots than Mothers’ Day - though those roots are in the church not human mothers).

Would she be ok if you forgot her birthday? She might not care about this stuff

Thanks for the points raised and the responses. I won’t remind her about mothers and Father’s Day going forward. I’ll also be telling her that she needs to pay the £20 back, or I’ll be taking it out of her allowance.

Perhaps she has her own reasons for not wanting to acknowledge the day.

All hell would break loose! But we would never do that.
interestingly she’s also the same with birthdays in the house too, inc her parents and siblings.

In which case she shouldn’t have accepted the £20

I think you tell her she owes you £20.

That her dad is the reason she has a good life (Im guessing) and that in light of her selfish and disappointing behaviour, and she shouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t provide any money / extra etc as she doesn’t seem to appreciate his hard work that brings home the bacon. It’s one day out the year for her to show she cares. And she didn’t.

Yanbu to expect better.

I don’t believe the “forgot” excuse either. You literally gave her money and her Snapchat is almost certainly full of people posting about their dads today.

A refusal might have been awkward if she didn't want to discuss the matter.