17 year old SD made no effort for Father’s Day.

[ReginaaPhalangee]

AIBU to be pretty pissed off that my 17 year old step daughter, who we have 70/30 with her mum,
made no effort for Father’s Day again this year? She has a part time job and gets an allowance from her dad every month, but again, she claimed that she forgot about Father’s Day (despite, ironically working in a supermarket). I reminded her twice this week and she said she has no money left, so I gave her £20 to get a card and chocolates or anything she wanted to get for him.

shes Not working today and only got up an hour ago and said she forgot. I asked what she did with the money I gave her and she said she spent it on shein.

AIBU to be pissed off that no effort was made? Also AIBU to next year not even bother reminding her?

for context, DH co parents very well with her mum so it’s not like there’s issues there, but she’s 17 - surely she should be making an effort.

shes not even said happy Father’s Day to him.!

I’d be very pissed off if my DSD forgot Fathers Day, because DH would be upset and yes, that is my business. £2 for a card is hardly a big ask and you gave her the money. If she’s got some issue with it being a gimmick then she should have said that, rather than just taking the money and spending it on herself. She sounds bloody selfish to be honest. Get the money back.

I would be rather pissed with her too tbh, particularly as she was reminded more than once, works in a supermarket AND was given £20 to buy a card and gift but chose to spend that on herself. Selfish CF!

Everyone is different and I respect that as you should, her choice and not your place to get involved. I would want the £20 back though.
As an family with adult kids we have never bothered with any of the 'commercial' days including birthdays. Everyone is on board with the idea and no one gets upset or disappointed.

She has to give you the money back since she hasn't spent it on what it was for.

It sounds like she is behaving selfishly by spending your money and not even buying a card. But this is between them. If she doesn’t want to acknowledge it that’s between her and her dad. Not all dads are good dads and not everyone wants to celebrate it.

The fact that you are even on here asking if YABU to be pissed off with her suggests she is indulged.

OF COURSE she is in the wrong!

I'd be demanding the £20 back out of this week's wages and letting her know that if she doesn't make amends she may find her birthday or Christmas presents may be 'forgotten about'.

It's OK people saying she's almost an adult and to leave her to it but she's acting like a 10 year old.

The selfish little madam needs a head wobble.

We have our kids 100% and they would have made zero effort without my encouragement/nagging 😄. She will do when she’s older I’m sure.

YANBU but at the same time, it's not up to you to be offended on her fathers behalf. My mother did this a lot. She'd get the hump on my fathers behalf over something that didn't bother him in the slightest. Nothing good comes of this. He can decide for himself if it bothers him and then it's between the two of them.

She owes you £20.

She wes you £20, but she's old enough to decide if she wants to bother with occasions such as these. You and DH shouldn't be forcing it on her - especially as you say she's the same with mothers day, birthdays etc. At some point other people will stop reciprocating and this may/or may not bother her, but its her decision.

Does she treat him with love and respect the rest of the year? That’s all you need to bother yourself with not whether she spends money on a card that will go in the bin.

She needs to pay you back but if she chooses not to recognise father’s day that is nothing to do with you.

Well she will be 18 for the next one so just leave her to it. Ditto mothers day. Maybe when her mum asks why she got her no card it might sink in. My eldest is a bit like this. Said its not something he cares about. When he was the first year of uni we didn't send him a birthday card. Let them set the tone I guess. But I wouldn't be fussing over her going forward.

Honestly? She treats him like an ATM and taxi… DH says no plenty of times when she’s taking the piss, and she doesn’t like that, but it doesn’t stop her from asking.

But when she was younger she absolutely adored her dad, would do anything for him (hypothetically). Teenage years were always going to be a change.

So just leave it??
Why are you pushing so hard? It means nothing if it doesn’t come from her, and it’s hardly your business anyway.

Ok, noted - thanks

I went this for a few years being g selfish and not getting a mothers day or fathers day card.
I'm not saying its right but I probably would have dome the same if some one gave me 20quid. You should chase her up and ask for it back.

I honestly think if the relationship with her dad is goodshe will change as she matures. In a couple of years it'll be a different story.

I think a bigger deal is made out of mothers day and to be honest if my friend hadn't told me that she had been shopping with her grand daughter to get a father's day present I wouldn't have realised and had to do a rushed present buy for my dad and I'm 60!!!

Honestly? She treats him like an ATM and taxi… DH says no plenty of times when she’s taking the piss, and she doesn’t like that, but it doesn’t stop her from asking.
Normal for a lot of 17 year olds. This too shall pass as long as dh keeps boundaries. He doesn't have to say yes or no evertime.

My mother has nagged me over cards and late cards since I left home 48 years ago. I find them an utter chore as a result because the joy has been sucked from it.

@RosesAndHellebores
My mum is still the same about cards. I get nagged to remember to send my brother and sister a birthday card, we just say yes to her but only send cards for significant birthdays. She has to have 'a special Christmas card with ' mum and dad ' on it. She's not bothered about present ts but cards are her thing. Sadly, they are not mine!

Stop facilitating it. Let her sort it out herself

And I speak as the mum of an ND 23 year old who does need prompting. The difference is he would be genuinely upset if he realised he had missed a birthday or Father's Day etc. Your SD isn't upset so let her do her own thing, stop prompting and definitely do not give her cash in future.

Please let’s stop generalising teenagers as ‘awful’.
my 15 made a lovely, heartfelt card giving examples of what she loves about her dad and how much she appreciates him and what he does for her (and her sisters).

I spoke to her about it in the week and reminded her it was this Sunday, but all the effort came from her.

they are all now playing with my wheelchair in the garden 😂

Maybe she doesn’t want to acknowledge Father’s Day and there is an issue with the relationship. My kids are old enough to choose to gift a parent a small card. One of them refused this year due to a poor relationship with that parent. That particular child has hidden themselves away and got on with today like it’s a normal day.

She's an utter brat. I don't know any teenagers who behave like this.

Honestly, I'd be telling her straight to give you your £20 back.

Then I'd get her nothing for her birthday, not even a card. I'd be making it clear to her father my strong feelings on it, he can indulge her all he likes, but if I were him, I'd not go to such lengths as usual.

Maybe that'll snap her out of it. If not, god help any future boyfriend or husband.

I’m late 60’s and we always had Father’s Day…how recent is it?

And perhaps she’s just a lazy little moo who just couldn’t be arsed to make an effort - and spent the cash that was specifically given on something else.

She's an utter brat. I don't know any teenagers who behave like this.
I know loads like this.
Sh is not necessary a brat. I know loads of teens like this and they are not 'brats' Most are thoughtless adolescents and will develop and mature in the next couple of years. Virtually everyone I've worked with and known once they were in their 20s and 30s ( and i hate saying this some are even in their 40s now) have cringed at their teenage behaviour.
It is likely the sd will as well.

Does her dad actually care about Fathers Day?
I'd be more concerned that she thinks it's OK to spend her (my!) money on Shein. Does she not understand the ethical implications? You need your £20 back and, as she's working, you both need to stop giving her money.