17 year old SD made no effort for Father’s Day.

[ReginaaPhalangee]

AIBU to be pretty pissed off that my 17 year old step daughter, who we have 70/30 with her mum,
made no effort for Father’s Day again this year? She has a part time job and gets an allowance from her dad every month, but again, she claimed that she forgot about Father’s Day (despite, ironically working in a supermarket). I reminded her twice this week and she said she has no money left, so I gave her £20 to get a card and chocolates or anything she wanted to get for him.

shes Not working today and only got up an hour ago and said she forgot. I asked what she did with the money I gave her and she said she spent it on shein.

AIBU to be pissed off that no effort was made? Also AIBU to next year not even bother reminding her?

for context, DH co parents very well with her mum so it’s not like there’s issues there, but she’s 17 - surely she should be making an effort.

shes not even said happy Father’s Day to him.!

Does she get along with her dad? Spending the money was a bit of a dick move but it's not your place or responsibility to handhold her.

She gets on well with dad, always has done. He’s a bit bummed about the lack of effort.

then stop encouraging.

Oh that's interesting because I am your age but I always maintain it wasn't a thing when I was growing up too. Perhaps it came in gradually in different areas.
Halloween trick or treating wasn't a thing in my area (of the South) then either but I have since learnt it was in some areas

It was thoughtful of you to remind her and give her money to buy something.

it was shitty and selfish behaviour for her to spend it on herself in Shein.

My adult stepsons did nothing, as usual, for Father’s Day. We had a false alarm, thinking one of them was trying to organise something, but it turns out that was about his birthday. Of course, it’s all about him! Agree with others, you should get your money back.

She’s 17, not long till ages an adult. How much Co parent are you actually doing? Butt out. None of your business. If she doesn’t want to then you can’t force someone who is nearly an adult to make the effort.

If she makes an effort for Mother’s Day, she should do it for Father’s Day.

But, 17 year olds are self obsessed and selfish - get your money back and let her sort herself out next year.

You need to tell her you want the 20 back and tbh if it was me I'd be saying that maybe people should make as much effort for her as she makes for others and see how that feels come her birthday or Christmas and she wakes up to nothing.

She is 17 years old. She is old enough to be told when she's in the wrong and for her to learn that making an effort is a two way thing.

Some people really set the bar low with teenagers. Yes, they’re often quite selfish but they’re supposed to be taught not to be, rather than have their selfishness indulged.

I find the posters saying “it’s not your business” hilarious too, considering the stance on here is “treat step children like your own”. That only ever applies to spending money on step children though, not holding them accountable for poor behaviour.

Tell her to give you the £20 back immediately and don’t bother to remind her in future. She’s more than old enough to sit with the consequences of being self absorbed and thoughtless.

Tbh I’d be black and white about this. I would be very clear that her actions have hurt her father and that that is disappointing. That he deserved some effort. I’d say the money needs to be returned to me.

And then I’d walk away.

I would tell her exactly that, that her lack of effort hurt her Dad's feelings, you made things as easy as possible for her by reminding her and giving her money, and she couldn't be bothered. Ask her how she'd feel if her dad couldn;t be bothered making an effort for her birthday/Christmas/ allowance/ lifts etc.

At 17 she is well old enough to realise that selfishness and thoughtlessness hurt others and to reflect on whether that's the sort of person she wants to be.
All teenagers aren't awful and selfish but IME the ones that are and don;t get called out on their selfishness grow up into selfish adults.

This. YABU for getting worked up about this nonsense.

I honestly can't get my head round the idea that an actual grown up man (or woman) would get upset about this made up nonsense.

Good for you, you don’t need to understand it. You just need to understand that other people are different to you.

@IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle lacking in ability to see different perspectives isn’t something I’d personally be so proud of.

Not everyone is like you. Move along.

I’m with you on the reminder as I tried that too after seeing him looking hurt the last two years. Apparently she had it sorted - she didn’t. I reminded her because I care about his feelings so totally get what you were trying to do.

She could have said she was ok for money. Which she was, if she wasn’t buying anything. Or else kept the money to hand back. I mean, it was never going to be a secret she wasn’t intending to get anything, was it?

You’ve created this whole thread asking for opinions… so yes people will give theirs and some aren’t going to agree with you. What’s the point in posting a thread and you only want people to comment that agree with you?

Yup and dismisses anything she doesn’t want to hear.

she is a cheeky fuck for taking your 20 and not using it

She is 17!!! Give her a break

All noted, thanks for help!