How do I reconcile with the fact I've wasted my youth?

[ThatChirpyBird]

First-time poster looking for a little advice so please be kind.

I turn 27 next week and I'm gobsmacked at how garbage my life is. I've got a plethora of diagnoses and otherwise rotted in bed from about the age of 13 up till now. I'm really, really struggling. I've cried myself to sleep for the past year at how much life I've wasted. I've watched it pass me by.

I've promised myself I need to start looking to the future. Start from scratch. My employment history is sketchy, I got my first job at 24. Before that, I was a compulsive gambler. I guess I convinced myself that I could make a career out of it, having crippling social anxiety and otherwise non-existent self esteem.

But anyway, now I am in the here and now. I'm going to start making steps to improve my life. I know I can't change it overnight. Going to decide on a career path, get a routine, start gym.

But my god it makes me so, so sad when I think of the time I've wasted. I just don't understand my thought process. What have I been thinking all along? I know I've had a difficult past 10-15 years, the stories I could tell. I have crippling OCD too. But I'm making amends with myself now. But I think of the experiences I've missed out on, what I should have been doing, feel like a loser because I haven't been partying. I'm 27 and have nothing to show for it. I could reconcile with the fact if I had money and a good job to show for it. Or I'd been having awesome experiences. But I've done sweet F all.

I don't want to sound narcissistic but I'm relatively good looking too, but I've allowed myself to become overweight. The years of my best looks are behind me. It hurts knowing my best looks are behind me. I don't know whether I compare myself too much, but if I had put myself out there I might've achieved something. I'm reasonably intelligent too but have wasted it. I've wasted everything. :(

Please be kind. I've got autism if that's relevant.

You’re TOTALLY wrong in that the best years of your looks are behind you.

At 27 you’ve got another 13 years approx of potential very good looks. My very good looks only started fading at 41.

Even with what you call “poor employment history” - honestly don’t worry. You WILL still get employment opportunities- 100%

This is excellent advice !

Try not to compare yourself to others because it won't help. Those who have spent 10 years partying, working, building careers etc are who they are. A product of their upbringing, their abilities, and a bit of good luck or bad luck thrown in. Some of them will be battling demons of their own, which you will never see. Others will be run over by a bus, or get cancer next week. Some will be happy and do well. But comparing yourself to any of them won't change anything for you and will only be based in partial knowledge of who they are. You are who you are and you will be what you can be.
Secondly, congratulations on beating your gambling addiction. That's taken a lot I'm sure and has put you in the position you are now to start again. Don't pretend it hasn't happened. It's an achievement which is part of you.

Get as much help as is out there for your diagnoses, including your OCD - and don't underestimate the power of Mnet to help. There are others on here who live with OCD and all its challenges and who will have wise words for you as to their experiences, which might help you, in shaping yours
Best of luck.

Listen to this. There is an air of self fulfilling prophecy about your posts. Like you’re giving yourself the excuse to carry on in this negative way.

Whats done is done. Enough of the self pity. Take positive steps. Oh and I never felt more attractive than I did at 30 and I can still scrub up pretty well in my 40s.

Thank you all for the very kind and inspirational responses. It's nice to know that I'm not being judged. I feel a lot more confident in moving forward. Isn't it a weird phenomenon, I'd probably tell someone else who posted my exact post to not dwell on the past, move forward, it's not too late, etc., and have kindness and compassion, that they're only human. When it's myself, I don't have the same positivity, only nail-hard criticism.

I think I need to change that about myself.

Thanks all.

❤️