DP being horrible towards my DCat

[Yasmin98]

DP and I don’t live with each other but he stays over a couple nights a week.

Recently, he has been making increasingly rude comments about my DCat and when I challenge him he just says ‘she’s a cat, she doesn’t have feelings’.

He really isn’t a pet person which is fine but I would expect him to treat mine with respect.

Has anyone had a similar situation and found a solution? I am reluctant to move him in full time unless his attitude changes.

This. They might be disinterested, but to be actively rude is telling you something about him.

This would be a deal breaker for me. He's probably thinking that he will be able to persuade you to get rid of the cat once he moves in. Do you want him making huge decisions like that and expecting you to fall into line? What about what you want?
Kick this man back into the mating pool and I guarantee your life will improve. There's another cat loving person out there for you.

LTB, obviously. And I say that as a dog person.
A lot of murderers start out being cruel to animals.Fact.

Give her a break. We can see clearly from the outside that she needs to get rid. But from the inside these things sneak up on you. He won’t have been horrible on the first date, it will have been a slow process. She’s realised what he’s like now, but it’s a sudden thing and she’s used to thinking of his as her partner. Once you’ve had your eyes opened you see more and more. Very few women leave the man the moment they realise there’s a problem, it takes a while to change how you think about someone.

Keep the cat. Dump the partner.

Absolutely do not put up with comments like this even in jest. He is showing you who he is. A loving DP would not even dare to make jokes about violence. That is the sort of thing that abusers say as "banter".

Alarm bells are ringing so loudly here. You need to get rid of this potential abuser.

Oh dear, your bar is VERY low.

I wouldn’t bother he’s already shown you who he is why don’t you believe him?

Bloody hell I wouldn't put up with this. It was one of the (many) reasons that last partner is now my ex. He really didn't like my cat. She's very attached to me and liked to be with me in my bedroom,but he hated her being on the bed. Quite a few times I would leave the room,then go back to see the cat running out of the room looking perturbed,and him closing the door behind her. I strongly suspect he was shooing her out. It sounds stupid but I think he was jealous of her. Pathetic really. He hated me giving attention to anyone or anything but him.

Don't be daft.

He's going to blame the cat for you not being and be sneaky about it - she'll have little 'accidents' or he'll do something awful like bring you a huge bunch of Lillies, knowing that the pollen will kill her.

Get rid now. No warning that he's got to be more subtle about planning to abuse her.

Ugh!

Perhaps read this before phrasing your final warning OP.
www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/thug-sobs-street-mum-avoids-35362684

My sister married a man who was jealous of her cat, who she had from a kitten, with her former husband. He was unpleasant to the cat when she was around, and verged on cruel when she wasn't. It was sick making.

If a guy didn’t like my dog, he’d be dumped 😬

My friend adopted a badly traumatised cat after a woman was away for a week and her boyfriend kicked and beat her cat so hard it lost a leg and nearly died from stress (he had been kicking it around for a while before they suspect). Cat has never gotten over it.

My horrible ex threatened to kill or dump my cats when I was at work if we moved in...he was history after that As I've seen from my friend that it can be a real threat

Be really careful as it seems some people are like that. I'd definitely set up pet cams also to be safe if he is around your cat!

It would worry me too much he might take a sneaky kick or something when I'm out of the room

It's the cat's home! Does cat seem to think he's OK or avoid him @Yasmin98?

Dump. Cats are awesome and wonderful. I would not tolerate mine being insulted.

Giving him a warning rather than just binning him off gives him the opportunity to pretend he's now ok with her, but he will take it out on her when you're not around. You're making a big mistake here. You're also missing the point that if he were halfway decent, he'd realise that your cat means a lot to you, even if he's not a cat person, and he would temper his language around the subject. He's a horrible person.

Agree totally. He would be gone as fast as you could snap your fingers. Imagine talking about kicking a small, innocent animal.

No need for a talk op, he's a bad person.

OP, giving a "warning" to a man with this attitude is 100% not going to change him into a decent man who is kind to animals and respectful to women.

Dump him. Sounds like a total prick. Enjoy the love of your beautiful cat.

Thanks all, I’m going to give him a final warning and will not rush in to moving him in on a more permanent basis.

I would be careful. By giving him a final warning you’re telling him clearly what behaviour of his you find unacceptable and making it easier for him to hide this from you until you’re more invested and its harder to break free.

You do know what he’s like alrwsdy though. He lacks empathy, sees others as inferior and is telling you that your DCat isn’t safe with him.

I suspect though that yours so desperate for this to work that you’ll rock up in the relationship section in a few —wasted— years asking for help on how to escape your abuser.

Are you on glue? Nobody is this stupid surely? He’s told you he’s a massive misogynistic twat and an animal abuser to boot and you’re giving him a “final warning”. You make your bed etc….

Thats is truly horrific. The poor DCat.

That would be enough for me to end it. That’s despicable. JFC - he’s telling you who he is. A nasty, vicious piece of crap who’d boot your cat because it ‘doesn’t have feelings.’ It’s the talk of a psychopath!