DP being horrible towards my DCat

[Yasmin98]

DP and I don’t live with each other but he stays over a couple nights a week.

Recently, he has been making increasingly rude comments about my DCat and when I challenge him he just says ‘she’s a cat, she doesn’t have feelings’.

He really isn’t a pet person which is fine but I would expect him to treat mine with respect.

Has anyone had a similar situation and found a solution? I am reluctant to move him in full time unless his attitude changes.

Yeah, why not? 😜😆

He said if DCat gets in my way again I’m going to kick her like a football.

Jesus wept! He would be out of my house before he could take another breath! Whether he wants you to think he’s making a serious threat or not, it’s a disgusting thing to say. He’s training you to accept abuse. And remember that convicted child abusers often have a history of ill-treating animals.

OP for god sake your last post tells you all u need to know about him!!! Do not move in with him, he has no respect for women or animals. Why would you even consider moving in with a man like that?? You know if the relationship continues he will be talking about you, the way he is talking about his ex now, eventually one day.

Oooof! You know what you've got to do OP

What a prize of a man! Get rid of him.

So he thinks it’s acceptable to disrespect animals and women? Wow what a prince you’ve got there.

The way people treat animals shows you their character - and his is shit

I cannot believe you've actually been considering moving this scrote in full-time. He's awful - as pp have said, ill-treatment of animals is a real red flag. Add in his attitude towards women and I don't know why you're not binning him off right now.

There's no "solution" - apart from getting rid of the man.

I think it might be mine too!
I see a lot of posters are saying the same thing, I hope the OP takes everyone's advice.

Some women are that desperate to have a man that they ignore glaringly obvious red flags!!

Completely unacceptable. He doesn't have to love the cat but he does need to respect everything you care about.

No you do t need to give him an ultimatum because he’s shown you who he is

You just need to tell him to fuck off

your poor cat.
You can and should be making better life choices but she is dependent on you to be a responsible and caring owner and make any choices for her. Anything other than kicking his arse out of your life and the home you share with your cat makes you complicit in anything he clearly wants to inflict on her if he’s not done so already.

Yep. Hence the endless MN threads saying ‘he’s so sweet and kind and caring and a great dad but…….’

Followed by a list of more red flags than a communist party rally

Moreover, ignore the red flags when they've received massive advice from other women.

What do you mean by “rude comments”? If it’s “stop walking over me, you’re annoying” that’s fine. But if it’s something horrible, that’s a different story altogether!

I don’t like cats and I’m allergic to them so I couldn’t be with someone who had a cat.

Yep - I know he’s an abusive arse hole but I looooooooooooove him’

Seen it too many times on here

But aren’t you really just being passive aggressively rude to your partner? If you have a problem with the food he gives your cat, then talk to him. Going around calling things fat (which we don’t use that term for anything in our house with young kids) isn’t funny or nice. So even though the cat doesn’t understand, your partner does and to me, it’s just unnecessary rudeness on your part.

But aren’t you really just being passive aggressively rude to your partner? If you have a problem with the food he gives your cat, then talk to him. Going around calling things fat (which we don’t use that term for anything in our house with young kids) isn’t funny or nice. So even though the cat doesn’t understand, your partner does and to me, it’s just unnecessary rudeness on your part.

Wow…sounds like him calling the cat names is just the tip of the iceberg. He thought his ex was ‘lazy’ but he was happy to use her in other ways? There’s a whole lot beneath the surface with this one OP.

My God, he sounds like a complete cock. You can do better than this idiot.

Oops sorry I’ve just seen your updates. Well yes, he’s threatening physical violence, why are you still with him???

Is he doing mean things to the cat or just saying mean things about it?

Doing mean things = he needs to go. Being cruel to animals is a massive red flag.

Saying mean things? Not so much. I foster my MIL's aggressive elderly terrier. The dog smells, is incredibly bitey and annoying (screams rather than barks, needs lifting up and down stairs 20 times a day, poos and wees indoors constantly) and the whole family talks about what a terrible dog she is - it's a sort of family joke. However, we treat her with gentleness and kindness, clean up after her, buy her treats etc.

He sounds like a prick. That’s such a disrespectful and sexist thing to say, it’s offensive to all women. It’s not funny or clever, it’s just rude.

How long have you been with him?

I wonder if he’s getting comfortable and you’re starting to see the real, unpleasant, him.

Ive been with my husband for almost 20yrs and he wouldn’t dream of saying that about an ex or any woman. Nor would he threaten an animal. He just sounds like a very unkind person, not someone I’d want to spend my life with.

I had an ex who used to say mean (supposedly joking) things about my cat. A friend’s sister told me that making such comments about pets was a classic hallmark of abusive relationships because it basically came down to someone who was prepared to denigrate something that was dear to you.

He is telling you who he is. When people do that, you need to believe them.

He's also testing you to see what you will tolerate. This behaviour is very likely to escalate gradually with nice bits in between.

He will start talking about your family and and friends in the same away and will probably either rough-handle the cat or 'accidentally' hurt it.

You might need to see the escalation for yourself before you believe it will happen. When it does, please recognise it and walk away. If you don't, before you know it, you could be up to your eyes in a coercive controlling relationship without the self-esteem or support around you that you need to get out.