Career or looks in women?

[Coffeeloveer]

What do you think it more important for a woman? I’ve seen some very beautiful women do well in life without a “well paid” career.. I get that career will make your own money but is a career really necessary if your attractive?

It depends how you define your worth.

I would not class myself as particularly attractive but I know I'll always be able to look after myself financially due to my job - if I was reliant on a partner continuing to find me attractive to have any income I'd be so insecure. I'm 40 now - if my H was just with me for looks I'm sure he'd be looking elsewhere by now!

Having said that there were a couple of women in the firm I trained at who were VERY attractive (whilst also being highly intelligent and driven) and it was well known they got an easier ride from the almost universally middle aged men who were the partners there. So I suppose a combination of the two would be ideal!

And for 100 points the next question is 'things no one would ever ask about a man' 🙄

OP you’re getting a lot of stick here, probably justified, but tbh I have asked myself a version of this question. In my 20s I worked for a while in a very unsatisfying low-paid office job with a girl who always looked immaculate and seemed to put the majority of her effort into her appearance. She’s now married to a finance guy, has a beautiful home lovely holidays freedom to be a SAHM to two kids etc. She has also developed a little start up business in something that interests her but she’s not reliant on it to have a good lifestyle.

I eventually left the shitty job and worked really hard on a career that interested me, intellectually rewarding and lots of great experiences but it is stressful and doesn’t pay well. I do sometimes envy aspects of her life but I also know that I would really hate being financially dependent on a partner and therefore dependent on their goodwill. Personally I would also find it boring and unsatisfying thinking about my appearance and living off salads all the time. I don’t know whether she loves him and he happens to be rich or she chose him because of his money, but if the latter I also know I couldn’t be happy married to someone I didn’t love. I think being a trophy wife comes with constraints and rewards like anything else, it’s really just up to you to choose which are the constraints and rewards that you can live with. As others have pointed out here, if you’re not earning and don’t have a pension etc you do also need to think what would happen to you in a divorce, trophy wives are considered less of a trophy once they turn 40.

Very, very stupid OP.
Bosom or brains??? How utterly, mindless reductive of you. Are you gender-identified as a male, perhaps? And insecure? If so you REALLY need help.

As others have said, being good at a job has NOTHING to do with looks. One way or the other. Gosh, in actusal fact not that many senior males are good-looking, whatever they like to think,

And, as I get older and older, I profoundly hope that ability has increasingly nothing to do with outward appearance. In a rational universe - which, alas, we are not living in - we can but aspire.

Some truths are eternal

Found where? Can you also define "doing well"?

The women I know who value their looks over their careers are not "doing well" for themselves.

One is onto her fourth engagement, having already been married and divorced three times. She's also in the same job she was when I met her, not that well paid.

Another has a husband she loves and quite a lot of children, but has now started to lose her looks and her husband is no longer interested in progressing at work. She doesn't work, hasn't for over a decade, so if he husband sods off, she's screwed now.

Meanwhile, I know several "career" women who I'd also say were attractive who are successful in their roles, have families they adore and would be able to support themselves if needs be.

So I'd say it's the other way round.

I’m sorry, I’m just used to people using at least some punctuation.

Do you want to try again and I can hopefully respond to your reply?

What kind of question is that? Of course a career is hugely important unless one has loads of wealth already and no ambition. Looks are great but not a guarantee of ‘doing well’ - and what exactly does doing well mean to you?
I think you asked as you know this question is going to get WTF responses.

I've read all your responses. You talk a lot about people making assumptions.

This one shows you are making assumptions and that you're actually quite aggressive towards women.

You may be a "career" woman but you are coming across as a woman who dislikes other women.

@Coffeeloveer ,Which do you think is more important for a man? I’ve seen some very beautiful men do well in life without a “well paid” career. I get that if you have a career you will make your own money but is a career really necessary if you're attractive?

I also find the idea that "career women" are more likely to "let themselves go" laughable. OP go and hang out with some female investment bankers/venture capitalists/corporate lawyers/PR women and then tell me career women don't look after themselves. In finance its more or less part of the job description that you have to look good. Sexist and shit maybe, but women in these roles have to care about their appearance.

Also more (of your own) money = more money to spend on nails/hair/plastic surgery/expensive suits etc etc. If that's the kind of thing you think is important.

I mean, this is what happened to Mr Bennett in Pride and Prejudice...

This is exactly the response I was looking for you know exactly what I mean and this is a perfect example..

If you have a good enough career you can afford to buy good looks if you want them too.

Most men with money marry other people with money. You don’t get many investment bankers with trust funds marrying someone from a council estate just because she’s pretty.

If they want a trophy wife (and lots don’t, at least as their first wife/mother of their children), they want somebody of a similar social standing, who can network for them, host clients etc and not show them up. There are lots of well-groomed upper middle class girls who are thin, pretty and accomplished enough that rich men don’t really need to look outside their social circle.

I hate that "takes care of herself" is shorthand for skinny/ Botox/ nails- and I say this as someone who has/ does two of those things. Women who wear sweatshirts and help badgers and build drystone walls and clean their teeth and wear sunblock are also "taking care of themselves" , nursing mothers drinking chocolate milk in their dressing gowns are also "taking care of themselves", but people use it to mean only one kind of aesthetic.

@Coffeeloveer

How attractive do you think you are, OP?

Spot on. It's so cringe isn't it that phrase. It conjures up images of some barrow boy polishing his Ferrari. "Taking care of herself" in this usage means "making her look like a trophy who will make other men jealous of me."

I have nothing against grooming and glamour but a woman who looks after her health and finances is "taking care of herself" far more than someone who thinks an expensive boob job is a pension.

😂 😂 😂 😂

Above average. But also equally as attractive on the inside. Highly intelligent and career driven. Also, in a long term relationship (13 years) with my childhood sweetheart. With him purely based on love.

You have also peaked looks wise by about 40,

You may have peaked but generally someone who has a beautiful face is still beautiful as they age.

@Coffeeloveer

and so modest too!

Also how do you know you’re above average attractive? That’s very subjective.

From your posts here I doubt your second and third sentences a little.

I'm also surprised you;re old enough to have done anything for 13 years.

Well you've presented women as having the binary options of being pretty or clever. And if pretty, woop, well done you'll bagged the ultimate prize of a husband. If you're clever, boo, you're now a cat lady who looks like she lives in a bin because she's put work above the important things like being pretty.
Beautiful women can also have success careers. Women who are average in looks and intelligence can find love. Many women are perfectly content with neither a partner or a high flying career. It's almost like women are people and all different.

How many people do you know, close to you that are attractive?

Do you consider that your opinion of attractive may differ to others?

If you consider yourself attractive, what are your successes in life? If it is only marrying well, do you feel fulfilled?

Being completely honest and too old to care - attractive women do often - I won't say do better in life, but I will say that they are afforded more opportunities than their less attractive counterparts.
I hated living in a village where over 90% of the girls at the primary school had blonde hair and blue eyes.

I wouldn't want to gamble my future self though on my outward appearance. Which is fortunate being 50 😂 But... There are girls who do. Aspiring to be an influencer, or be on Love Island, or anything to be noticed to have a sense of self worth.

So no, I'd rather be able to think, understand life, be single, be old yet still consider my next OU course. Travel and know that it's something I have achieved rather than marry for money.