To not send my daughter back to school? Her last day

[Zaina89]

I wrote a thread on here a couple of weeks ago that my 9 year old daughter was getting bullied, some of it racial about her skin colour and body hair ( she’s half Pakistani) and other snarky mean comments which has been going on for all of the duration of year 4 and half of year 3. Been brought up to the teachers and assistant head teacher a number of times, her teacher is fully aware. My daughter has also countless time told teachers what’s been happening.

we are moving houses and my son got a place at another school and started this week, I’ve been mentally all over the place worried about my daughter but I got a call Wednesday afternoon saying they would be able to give her a space thankfully, she starts this next upcoming Monday the 16th.

i did tell my daughter to stand up to the bully before she leaves, my daughter didn’t and wouldn’t say anything bad, she just wanted peace as she used to be best friends with this girl for the start of primary that’s why she’s more upset but she stopped being friends with this girl because she was being mean to other children and then once she stopped being friends with her she turned it into her.

yesterday my daughter went up to the girl with 2 of her friends as witnesses and said “ I’m leaving tomorrow and part of it is because of you, I don’t know what I’ve done wrong to you and we used to be good friends and it’s sad it has to end this way but I wish we could sort it out” my daughter said the girl was pulling sad sarcastic faces the entire time she was speaking and then laughed sarcastically in her face and walked off.

i think this has now mentally affected my daughter as she came home in tears, she was crying on the floor in my arms for over an hour asking what she’s ever done wrong, why she isn’t liked and if she’s useless.

i made the decision last night for the sake of her mental health I wouldn’t send her back in to the school as she’s starting her new one on Monday, I told her we’d spend today going to buy her new uniform and shoes and go out for lunch to make her feel better so she’s fresh minded ready for Monday.

now I’m thinking should I let her go in for her last day or call the school and tell her I won’t be bringing her back in because of her mental health due to this and that I’ve been in countless times about this bullying some of it which has been racial in the past.

what would you do? I understand full well, my daughters teacher asked her yesterday “ are you moving for the same reason as your brother or because of the other thing” she is able to ask this because she knows full well she has done nothing about it, she( the teacher) was hugging said bully at sports day last week and she comes out smiling and laughing with this girl every day at pick up. She’s clearly her favourite hence why she never tries to sort this out.

what would you do? Send her back for her last day or leave her off? She has stuff that needs picking up from school and also wants to say bye to her friends but is adamant she doesn’t want to go in.

Agree with this. If after 2 times of me saying to the class teacher there’s a problem, if nothing gets done I’m moving up to the next stage and so on.

The head teacher has some brassneck, he’s lucky it wasn’t me because the mouth full that fool would have got from me for having the audacity to call me with his BS after I have had to pull my child for their failings but his primary concern is because he doesn’t want his school to look bad?!?! He would be the one crying by the time I’m done with him.

Please! I would be exposing his shitty antics in the WA group, and telling him “ and now what?”

It’s not as if you are saying something untrue! Blooming cheeky sod head.

I did post in the group chat as mentioned in my update but I didn’t expose the child’s or parents names. I simply posted to post awareness.

i also thanked those who were friends and good to my daughter during her time at said school.
the message I posted in the group chat was ….

” I am “daughters name” mom, just to let everyone know today was supposed to be her last day but we decided not to send her in, thank you to those who know “dd name” and their children who have been very kind to my dd during her time at said school. We decided not to send her in for her last day today due to one of the reasons she has been dealing will bullying which the school are fully aware about and have not been revolved. My dd is more upset because her and this child used to be very good friends, some of these comments have been about my daughters skin colour and body hair as she’s half Asian. I have watched my daughter go from a happy confident little girl to crying in my arms asking me if she is useless and what does done wrong and that she is not beautiful because of her skin colour. I just wish the parent of this child ( from this message will know who they are) will explain to their child how their actions and words can seriously affect others. I would hate for this to happen to another child because nothing was done for my dd”

I got lots of love on the group from lots of parents and SO many private messages thanking me for bringing this to their attention as they have children of colour and they are worried learning this child is still in the same class as theirs not having faced the consequences of their actions. All of them have said I have done the right thing.

im glad I did it, I could have named the child but im better than that, the entire school was talking about it on Friday even the children in my sons year group because lots of people in the year 4 chat have children in other years. So whilst I didn’t name and shame her and her child, she knows deep down inside this post was about her child and that everyone is talking and whispering about who this child is and asking their children if they know ( which a lot of them do) so I feel peace In my heart that justice has been served because not only did this child seem to have a problem with my daughter, the mother also seemed to have a deep problem with me, her daughter came up to dd in the middle of class ( in the presence of a teacher) and told my daughter “ my mum doesn’t like your mum” dd said “ my mum hasn’t done anything to your mum she’s never even spoke to her” and the kid walked off laughing. The mum used to say hi to me in passing then one day went cold, giving me dirty looks and her daughter started the bullying.

their both as bad as each other and from what I’ve seen of the mothers personality she will be absolutely burning inside.

OP, well done and handled.
The Principal more concerned about the school being tarnished than about your poor child.
It is often the case and definitely was when an email was circulated that I heard about.

I really wish you well.
No doubt that childs name will be passed about.
Serves her right.

Classily done and well played, hope your daughter has a lovely time in her new school. You’re a supportive and kind mum Zaina89.

Just sending you support here. That school have clearly not followed due process and are now clearly shitting themselves. All racist incidents whatever the age of the children are supposed to be logged and reported. I have worked in schools where racism was dealt with seriously, but unfortunately worked in a school where it was brushed away as an uncomfortable truth. Glad to hear you are getting a fresh start as a family and I wish you all the best.

"headteacher said he was “ very upset and hurt”

Boo fucking hoo he feels hurt. Safeguarding is one of only two legal responsibilities a school has and his school has FAILED. Failed to be effective, failed even to log incidents. He should be saying how sorry he is this happend, not criticising you for speaking the truth.

Absolutely this.
His language speaks volumes and I'd be telling him and others that.

How about the hurt and upset of your child and her family having to switch schools because his staff don't follow basic guidelines.

I would be emailing that Principal, naming the teachers that were told, the children involved and send it up to the BoM, governors and Ofstead.

Clearly his upset/ego is his primary concern not his obligation to peotect the children in his school.

This is not an uncommon theme.
Fortunately I never had to deal with anything like this but I have advised many that have to create a paper trail laying out issues, time lines, issues ignored etc.
Once its all down on paper and copied to a few people like head of parenting association, BoM, Governors, etc......things don't half get dealt with and resolved.

I would definitely not contact the parents! Very bad idea. Your daughter is leaving and can make a fresh start. You might want to make a complaint to the school, but direct contact with the parents is never advisable in this situation. They might be hostile; even violent. They could press you to provide evidence’ of the bullying of a kind you don’t have.
For your daughter’s sake, I would try to draw a line under this unpleasant experience and help her to prepare for the new school.

Good luck to your dd today at her new school. Well done op for sticking up for her. 💐💐💐