To not send my daughter back to school? Her last day

[Zaina89]

I wrote a thread on here a couple of weeks ago that my 9 year old daughter was getting bullied, some of it racial about her skin colour and body hair ( she’s half Pakistani) and other snarky mean comments which has been going on for all of the duration of year 4 and half of year 3. Been brought up to the teachers and assistant head teacher a number of times, her teacher is fully aware. My daughter has also countless time told teachers what’s been happening.

we are moving houses and my son got a place at another school and started this week, I’ve been mentally all over the place worried about my daughter but I got a call Wednesday afternoon saying they would be able to give her a space thankfully, she starts this next upcoming Monday the 16th.

i did tell my daughter to stand up to the bully before she leaves, my daughter didn’t and wouldn’t say anything bad, she just wanted peace as she used to be best friends with this girl for the start of primary that’s why she’s more upset but she stopped being friends with this girl because she was being mean to other children and then once she stopped being friends with her she turned it into her.

yesterday my daughter went up to the girl with 2 of her friends as witnesses and said “ I’m leaving tomorrow and part of it is because of you, I don’t know what I’ve done wrong to you and we used to be good friends and it’s sad it has to end this way but I wish we could sort it out” my daughter said the girl was pulling sad sarcastic faces the entire time she was speaking and then laughed sarcastically in her face and walked off.

i think this has now mentally affected my daughter as she came home in tears, she was crying on the floor in my arms for over an hour asking what she’s ever done wrong, why she isn’t liked and if she’s useless.

i made the decision last night for the sake of her mental health I wouldn’t send her back in to the school as she’s starting her new one on Monday, I told her we’d spend today going to buy her new uniform and shoes and go out for lunch to make her feel better so she’s fresh minded ready for Monday.

now I’m thinking should I let her go in for her last day or call the school and tell her I won’t be bringing her back in because of her mental health due to this and that I’ve been in countless times about this bullying some of it which has been racial in the past.

what would you do? I understand full well, my daughters teacher asked her yesterday “ are you moving for the same reason as your brother or because of the other thing” she is able to ask this because she knows full well she has done nothing about it, she( the teacher) was hugging said bully at sports day last week and she comes out smiling and laughing with this girl every day at pick up. She’s clearly her favourite hence why she never tries to sort this out.

what would you do? Send her back for her last day or leave her off? She has stuff that needs picking up from school and also wants to say bye to her friends but is adamant she doesn’t want to go in.

I agree it’s a good time to move. She’ll get to be involved in Moving Up Day so she’ll meet her teacher for September and see her new classroom alongside her new classmates.
It’s a lot to take in but it should settle any nerves before the new academic year.

Complain to the governors and ofsted and mention that the receptionist also blamed your dd for not speaking up. Mention the receptionist by name and advise them that she needs to fo for EDI and anti racist training.

Racism isn't just being unkind, it is a pervasive infection of a person's character & has widespread implications. It's mire than being unkind, people live in terror of racism and often fear for their lives.

No matter how badly the OP’s poor daughter has been treated and how badly the school have handled this, if she wants to pursue a complaint, the OP must follow the school’s formal complaints procedure. It’s one thing copying the chair of the governing body into a complaint to the headteacher at this stage, but the governors and Ofsted won’t do anything until the correct procedure has been followed and the headteacher has completed thwir investigation.

I wouldn’t send her in, but what I would do is send in a letter of complaint to the Governors and make a complaint to Ofsted

As a lot of PPs have said, Ofsted will simply refer the complaint back to the school. They only get involved with complaints that have already been through the school complaints procedure first. You can’t just go above the school’s head, Ofsted won’t listen.

Keep her home OP and my very best wishes to you and your daughter. Just from your post she comes across as a thoughtful and mature girl. She will learn to manage her appearance, body hair that we all have but she is already a master in her personality and that bully envies her for that.

Hope you both enjoyed the well deserved day together.

And great that you corrected the victim blaming teacher.

If it was me, once I was feeling calmer, I’d follow up with a formal email complaint so in black and white, highlighting the key points and impact on your daughter, the victim blaming.

I’d also make it very clear that this problem has not disappeared now that your daughter has left the school, that the school still does not have a reliable approach to responding to bullying/supporting each child’s education (or whatever words they use in their anti-bullying policy.

If you could be bothered I’d copy and paste from the school’s AB policy all the actions they did not deliver for your daughter, see if there are better actions in your new school’s and signpost that to them. You could say if you don’t wish to be contacted again and hope that the school can work to prevent similar damage for other children.

Then expect a trite, we take such matters v seriously blah blah reply. But know you’ve done your best (with the added bonus of getting underneath their skin).

And as others have said, be sure to follow the school’s formal complaints procedure to ensure your email is viewed by the right people.

Hi everyone, I went in to have a meeting with the headteacher after I posted a message in the group chat, I didn’t name to child and I didn’t say anything nasty, I just put a message in the group chat “ just letting you know my daughter ( her name) is leaving today and this was supposed to be her last day, thank you to those parents and children who have made her time at “school” enjoyable and been great friends to her. Unfortunately I didn’t send her in today because she has been dealing with bullying,some of it racial in nature and my daughter broke down yesterday after an altercation where she was trying to make peace with said child, so we took the decision not to send her back today. I wish the parent ( who they know they are from this message) would atleast teach their child that there actions and words have a serious impact on others. The school are fully aware but not been of much help.

I had a lot of support for me and my daughter after posting this message and a lot of private messages from parents sending love to my dd and saying they are so sorry to hear what has happened, I posted it after I last updated about the office calling me and I wrote it in upset and anger and pressed send.

I then got an email from the headteacher who said a parent had screenshotted my message and sent it over to him, and that he js very concerned about my allegation of the school being fully aware of the situation and that they have “ no record” of anything happening with my daughter or me raising concern.

i asked for a meeting and headed into school where I broke down in tears, long story short apparently their will be a investigation into the teachers who failed to log these incidents and make the headteacher aware but the headteacher said he was “ very upset and hurt” about the message I posted in the group chat inclining that the school don’t take bullying seriously and doesn’t give them a good reputation. I was in tears all day

my son had a birthday party ( year 3) afterschool with his old friends so I dropped him off and it’s a small school and I felt them all talking and looking at me it was awful, but after today I’m not seeing anyone again and now my kids have a new start and so do i

Fuck them

Post another message.

They are just trying to guilt you.

Good riddance to bad rubbish

I wouldn't send her in but I think I would have escalated the issue when bullying happened a second time. You still could do this.
The school will have an anti-bullying procedure which staff must follow. You could ask to see this and see how the policy had been applied.
Then, raise with the board of governors.
I realise it won't help your daughter now but it may help other children.

I agree with pp to escalate. I'd be writing a scathing letter.

That headteacher is trying to deflect it all back to you. Sod them. I would continue to escalate complaints.

Well done for standing your ground and getting your daughter out of there.

Yes do this. And if necessary go pick her stuff up from school yourself.

Don’t sen her in.

And is there a school WhatsApp group you can post the details of this vile, poorly parented child’s behaviour and then leave :)

The child who is bullying your daughter very likely has had a change in family circumstances and is acting out. That in no way excuses bullying, but if you have a child protective services there, perhaps give them a call for a wellness check on that child's home life.

Don’t send her. Her mental health is way more important than the school.

That is you standing up for her and in a peaceful manner like your daughter would want.
The school will know why. You don’t need to say anymore.

I am sorry for your daughter. I hope she gets a fantastic day with you.

What a horrible post.

Of course op, don’t follow this advice. That is a child we are talking about and yes she shouldn’t behave like that. Let’s not fall into playground tic for tac.

Indeed. Let’s just drive a poor kid out her school, leave her crying on her bedroom floor for an hour, etc all with absolutely no consequences.

I can only assume you want her to comply get away with it because you are a terrible parent and this is just the sort of behaviour we can expect from your horrible children.

Another horrible post.

Have a good evening 👌

your poor daughter. That other child sounds like a little witch. I’d not send your child in for last day but call the school. Be sure that the other child has “form”, chances are your daughter is not her only victim. Follow your call up with an email and don’t stop complaining till somebody comes back to you. . I feel we do bullies a disservice by not calling them out. Hope your child has a lovely time in her next school.

Don't worry about upsetting the head , sounds like they've had enough chances to tackle the bullying.
Good luck for a new start for your children.

I'm so.glad you posted in the WhatsApp. It was absolutely sent in by the bullys parent who knows rightly that the other parents will ask their kids who it is and they will all know her child is a racist bully because she didn't teach or present her correctly. Don't let the shitty headmaster make you feel guilty, he's worried it'll all come out what a terrible school environment a teacher has fostered under their nose and the school is in fact terrible at response to bullying as it had already happened, his teachers did nothing, didn't respect their directive enough to follow procedure and the headmaster hadn't a clue what is going on in the school. I hope you and your daughter had a lovely day and I hope her first day at her new school goes well

Sounds like you should have escalated this situation a long time ago, the school is clearly not dealing with it. Head, Governors, LEA, Ofsted etc. TOTALLY unacceptable situation.