To not send my daughter back to school? Her last day

[Zaina89]

I wrote a thread on here a couple of weeks ago that my 9 year old daughter was getting bullied, some of it racial about her skin colour and body hair ( she’s half Pakistani) and other snarky mean comments which has been going on for all of the duration of year 4 and half of year 3. Been brought up to the teachers and assistant head teacher a number of times, her teacher is fully aware. My daughter has also countless time told teachers what’s been happening.

we are moving houses and my son got a place at another school and started this week, I’ve been mentally all over the place worried about my daughter but I got a call Wednesday afternoon saying they would be able to give her a space thankfully, she starts this next upcoming Monday the 16th.

i did tell my daughter to stand up to the bully before she leaves, my daughter didn’t and wouldn’t say anything bad, she just wanted peace as she used to be best friends with this girl for the start of primary that’s why she’s more upset but she stopped being friends with this girl because she was being mean to other children and then once she stopped being friends with her she turned it into her.

yesterday my daughter went up to the girl with 2 of her friends as witnesses and said “ I’m leaving tomorrow and part of it is because of you, I don’t know what I’ve done wrong to you and we used to be good friends and it’s sad it has to end this way but I wish we could sort it out” my daughter said the girl was pulling sad sarcastic faces the entire time she was speaking and then laughed sarcastically in her face and walked off.

i think this has now mentally affected my daughter as she came home in tears, she was crying on the floor in my arms for over an hour asking what she’s ever done wrong, why she isn’t liked and if she’s useless.

i made the decision last night for the sake of her mental health I wouldn’t send her back in to the school as she’s starting her new one on Monday, I told her we’d spend today going to buy her new uniform and shoes and go out for lunch to make her feel better so she’s fresh minded ready for Monday.

now I’m thinking should I let her go in for her last day or call the school and tell her I won’t be bringing her back in because of her mental health due to this and that I’ve been in countless times about this bullying some of it which has been racial in the past.

what would you do? I understand full well, my daughters teacher asked her yesterday “ are you moving for the same reason as your brother or because of the other thing” she is able to ask this because she knows full well she has done nothing about it, she( the teacher) was hugging said bully at sports day last week and she comes out smiling and laughing with this girl every day at pick up. She’s clearly her favourite hence why she never tries to sort this out.

what would you do? Send her back for her last day or leave her off? She has stuff that needs picking up from school and also wants to say bye to her friends but is adamant she doesn’t want to go in.

Totally agree. I can't remember the last time I thought a child should skip school, but the way your daughter has been treated is appalling. I'd write strong letters to the teacher, the head teacher, the parents of the bully (who may not know what their daughter has done), the governors (and my MP - but I'd go over the top if my daughter had been bullied) and take your daughter out for a lovely day. Buy her new clothes, get her nails done (no matter her age) and make her very aware that she's an amazing kid. It always makes me that bullying seems to be a tolerated part of school life, but not acceptable if it happens to adults in work. Disgraceful!!!

*makes me mad

This will probably be bad advice but I personally felt immense relief after punching a bully in secondary and giving them a black eye. It was mid insult and I just lost it.

I'm glad you decided not to send her in. I'd have done the same. It sounds like the new school is better f your son's settled already.
Just as a side note schools in general are crap at dealing with bullying. My DD was bullied for an entire year. I took her out of school and had a row with the deputy head (who told me I had to bring DD back to school and I said I would once they could convince me she was safe). Funnily enough after that they were able to put measures in place.
But keep her off, write to me governors and tell them the effect this has had on your daughter.
I hope everything goes well at her new school

Yes bad advice

what happened afterwards?

I wouldn’t either. Keep her at home and make a day of it. But a moment for how well done to your dd for saying that to the bully.
she should be very proud of herself because at least she knows she tried to make peace and it’s no longer on her.
awful school and child, good riddance I say and don’t look back

I agree with this

Bully sobbed and was in tears as they didn't expect it at all. I felt a lot of relief. I was suspended for 1 day. School told me my behaviour was "completely unacceptable". They investigated the bullying and gave out after-school detentions to them. People tended to be a bit kinder in 6th form.

Good idea to spend the day getting new uniform and shoes.

@Zaina89 maybe the police would like to take a trip to the school about bullying and especially the racists side of things.

Your DD is the priority in these next days and I wouldnt create drama for yourself by bringing this up in the whatsapp. But once she is settled and you are all feeling less emotional, I would write to the schools governors and explain what happened, that some of the bullying was racially motivated, what steps you and your DD took to resolve them and how the teachers/school staff failure to act has contributed to you leaving.

Inform them that the schools anti-bullying policy is ineffective. Keep it factual, no accusations, but that you dont want the bully to move on to another child. And then move on knowing you did what you could to try and make a positive change.

YES to this. Also - report to Ofsted/Governors and anyone you can. This has been badly dealt with and the response from the school today is absolutely abysmal.

Your poor DD, and you - it is heartbreaking, I know, but if she always knows she can come to you and that you'll fight for her, she'll be okay (my bullied dd is now 19 and fierce and resilient AF)

I think I would probably post on the WhatsApp group if it was me, but I would name the child, otherwise there seems little point in saying anything. It would also alert other parents that this child is a racist bully.

Absolutely send in a report to Ofsted reporting the racial bullying and abuse of your child and the schools lack of care.

Email the school too.
Absolutely send a direct message to the mother telling her about her daughter and that you have reported it to Ofsted.

Screen shot your message to the mother and email and put it up on the group WhatsApp.

Let people make of it what they will.

Years ago a parent circulated a stinker email to my daughters school and it was the talk of the place. Principal was furious but she finally took action.

I'm so glad that you're not sending your DD into school today. Good for you!! I say that as someone who would normally send their DC into school, come hell or high water. The school completely failed your poor DD. I hope you guys have a lovely day together and that your lovely DD doesn't continue to blame herself or think that she has done anything wrong. I'd report this to governors and OFSTED, and I'd be very tempted to put a message in the group WhatsApp.

I would post the WhatsApp with or without the name and I would make a formal complaint that they did not take racial bullying seriously. If you look on the schools website you should see the complaints procedure.
The school could do with some anti racist work.

This is exactly what i’d do. It won’t make a difference to your daughter but might help another child who is suffering because of the bully. Also the teacher needs to know she has failed to rectify the situation.

Your poor girl, she sounds so lovely.

I hope she stayed home today. I'd absolutely keep her off in your position and I'd also tell the school exactly why she's missing her last day.

Contrary to PP, I think this could be a good time to start a new school. Things wind down this half term, it'll ease her in and hopefully there will be some fun things on the agenda. Hopefully she won't feel so new on September.

You have to wonder why are some children are so bloody horrible. What can have happened in their short lives to make them so cruel?

Keep her home and send a blistering letter to the Governors naming the teacher.

How wonderful that a school place came up so quickly! Of course you need today to sort out uniform etc for her new school, so should couldn’t possibly go in. I hope she has a fabulous fresh start and makes some friendships that you can foster over the summer holidays. One day the bully will look back in shame. The school should have prevented it from getting this bad, but you have a definitive solution. Time to look forward.

Oh op I am so sorry your lovely girl has suffered like this, in 2025 is SHOCKING. The bullies should have been suspended and then expelled, much more could and should have been done!

Firstly, your dds welfare. It’s imperative she knows the issue is with the bullies NOT her. They have probably had awful childhoods and reasons for their disgusting behaviour, but it is not your DD’s fault. The fault lies with them, and one day they might come to regret their actions.

Organise some counselling for her - you can do this via the GP. It will make the world of difference to her in the long term if she deals with the emotional impact on her.

Help her see that her skin is beautiful and she is beautiful. Bullying takes a terrible toll on self esteem. Work to improve this with her over the summer. Spending time noticing her qualities and her specialness. Spending time with people that love her.

Organise a really fun leaving party for her - celebrate her strength and endurance and the new chapter ahead. A new opportunity to enjoy new friends.

Report that damn school to the governors, Ofsted. They have let your family down, and I am so sorry you have had to deal with this for so long - your poor dd 💐

I'm not at all convinced by this. A new kid in the class mid-year is a bit of a novelty, and other kids tend to be more welcoming and try to include them. In September, everything is new, they're excited about seeing friends they might not have seen over the summer, and welcoming the new kid is less on their mind.
On the academic side, things are a bit more relaxed at this point. The teachers will have a little bit of time to suss out where she fits, and hopefully then she will be in the right literacy/maths groups from the start in September.
Yes, she'll probably work on paper or doing everything in the same book, as it's not worth giving her lots of books at this point. Yes, there will be topics that they are partway through. However those are fairly minor things.

I would probably post the letter to Ofsted on the school WhatsApp, as a minimum it alerts parents to the issues, and I am sure most will sit down with their dc and talk this through with them, covering the gravity of racism and bullying. I would be horrified if a child had to leave our school in similar circumstances, so yes the parents need to know (and to check their own dc are safe too, not every child confides in their parents sadly)

You can change it.

This is a perfect time to start at the new school. Tell her she doesn’t need to worry about any work, but it’s an opportunity to see the school, get used to how lunchtime works, find her way around, and meet people so it’s not all new in September. She should get the summer enjoyment and it’ll make it less scary next year.