To not send my daughter back to school? Her last day

[Zaina89]

I wrote a thread on here a couple of weeks ago that my 9 year old daughter was getting bullied, some of it racial about her skin colour and body hair ( she’s half Pakistani) and other snarky mean comments which has been going on for all of the duration of year 4 and half of year 3. Been brought up to the teachers and assistant head teacher a number of times, her teacher is fully aware. My daughter has also countless time told teachers what’s been happening.

we are moving houses and my son got a place at another school and started this week, I’ve been mentally all over the place worried about my daughter but I got a call Wednesday afternoon saying they would be able to give her a space thankfully, she starts this next upcoming Monday the 16th.

i did tell my daughter to stand up to the bully before she leaves, my daughter didn’t and wouldn’t say anything bad, she just wanted peace as she used to be best friends with this girl for the start of primary that’s why she’s more upset but she stopped being friends with this girl because she was being mean to other children and then once she stopped being friends with her she turned it into her.

yesterday my daughter went up to the girl with 2 of her friends as witnesses and said “ I’m leaving tomorrow and part of it is because of you, I don’t know what I’ve done wrong to you and we used to be good friends and it’s sad it has to end this way but I wish we could sort it out” my daughter said the girl was pulling sad sarcastic faces the entire time she was speaking and then laughed sarcastically in her face and walked off.

i think this has now mentally affected my daughter as she came home in tears, she was crying on the floor in my arms for over an hour asking what she’s ever done wrong, why she isn’t liked and if she’s useless.

i made the decision last night for the sake of her mental health I wouldn’t send her back in to the school as she’s starting her new one on Monday, I told her we’d spend today going to buy her new uniform and shoes and go out for lunch to make her feel better so she’s fresh minded ready for Monday.

now I’m thinking should I let her go in for her last day or call the school and tell her I won’t be bringing her back in because of her mental health due to this and that I’ve been in countless times about this bullying some of it which has been racial in the past.

what would you do? I understand full well, my daughters teacher asked her yesterday “ are you moving for the same reason as your brother or because of the other thing” she is able to ask this because she knows full well she has done nothing about it, she( the teacher) was hugging said bully at sports day last week and she comes out smiling and laughing with this girl every day at pick up. She’s clearly her favourite hence why she never tries to sort this out.

what would you do? Send her back for her last day or leave her off? She has stuff that needs picking up from school and also wants to say bye to her friends but is adamant she doesn’t want to go in.

Yes, I agree (not that you sound like...!)

They probably won't for one day, but I'd almost hope that they officially followed the lack of attendance up and demanded to know why, so they would be inviting condemnation on themselves.

Nothing better than somebody chasing you up for a fiver that you owe them, when they owe you a million quid.

Sod that, I'd skip off into town with her and have a fabulous day, without any second thoughts. I'm sorry she's had such a shit time, and really glad you have somewhere new for her.

Unless you’ve been through the steps of the school’s formal complaints procedure first, OFSTED will just refer you back to the school.

Leave her off.

She needs to inform the school her daughter isn’t going in. If she hasn’t arrived or been reported absent by the time the register closes it will trigger safeguarding protocol and the school will have to start chasing OP to check her daughter is okay. (Ironic I know when they haven’t been doing what they should to make sure she’s okay when in their care). The school will pass records over to the new school, and failure to report absence is likely to be included. OP has a legitimate reason for keeping her daughter off school, not informing the school is petty and frankly a dick move.

Does it all have to be done in-house - especially when the school aren't actually interested in stopping the racist bullying?

Could it not be taken to the police? After all, if somebody repeatedly bullied you on racist grounds in the workplace, nobody would be saying that only the managers were allowed to deal with it (or ignore it).

I know nothing would ultimately come of it, but the process would be unpleasant enough for both the girl and her parents and the school to shake them up and give them serious pause for thought. At the moment, they've basically got away with it, and it probably won't even be on any official records.

Please do write to the school and the governors and let them know why you are removing your child from the school and why you did not send her in on her last day.
I hope you and your daughter enjoy your day together today x

I disagree, attending for a few weeks at the end of the year will get her knowing a few people, meeting the teacher and will make September easier.

Have a lovely day of just you and her.

There’s no point in contacting Ofsted at this stage. If the OP wants to pursue this then she has to follow the school’s formal complaints procedure. Ofsted would only possibly get involved once the whole complaints process has been exhausted. The OP has done the important thing, which is getting her daughter away from the situation, and I’m not sure I can see any benefit in pursuing a formal complaint under the circumstances because having to deal with the different stages of a complaints procedure will only continue to cause upset in discussing what her daughter has been through. If it was me, I would write to the Headteacher, with a copy to the chair of the Governing Body, and then put all my energy in helping the child to settle into her new school and boosting her confidence after the bullying she’s gone through.

I left a voicemail with the school to say what had happened and that she won’t be coming back.

they just called me and said “ I’ve spoken to your daughters teacher and your daughter didn’t make the teacher aware of the altercation that happened yesterday, if she would have it would have been sorted as they don’t like unkindness in their class” and that I “ could come and pick her stuff up in a couple of hours”

I lost it and started crying and said to the receptionist that some of this bullying has been racial and the reason my daughter hasn’t been telling anyone anymore is because she thinks there is no point telling anyone anymore because nothing ever gets done.

my daughter told me yesterday she confided in her best friend because she just needed to talk to someone. So sad she cpuslnt trust her teachers with this anymore and the way they are now trying to turn it around on my daughter for not speaking up.

I have been considering posting a message on the year 4 WhatsApp group chat where I know this parent is also a member off , not naming any names but explaining to the other parents that my daughter won’t be coming back to school and thank you to all the children that were kind to her but that she’s been suffering with bullying for the past year etc and some of it has been racial and I wish the parent of this child would explain to their child how their actions and words seriously affect others and then leave the group chat.

Keep that baby home. She absolutely deserves the day off shopping and being taken care of by her mama.
Good luck to your daughter at her new school, I hope she makes many wonderful friends and memories.

Keep her off and go on your shopping trip. I absolutely wouldn't even consider making her go in now she has another school placement.

I'd also be formally writing an email to the school saying that bullying is the reason your daughter is leaving and that despite it being reported numerous times it was not dealt with by the school. I would be copying in the school Govoners and Local Authority on that email too.

Focus on the fresh start though OP. A new beginning and new friends for your daughter.

You should go through the formal complaint procedures but if they haven’t already taken racial bullying seriously, then why waste your energy now? Concentrate on the more positive future and healing for your daughter.

And yes name and shame on the group chat. Racism should be called out and shamed. That’s probably the most satisfaction you’re going to get out of this situation. That the whole class of parents know who the racist cunts are. It’s outrageous in this day and age.

Hope your dd settles into her new school well and she has nicer classmates.

I'd absolutely send that whatsapp too. Id maybe add something about the reason for the message is incase anyone else experiences it moving forwards.

I'm so sorry you and she have been through this, OP, it's so wrong. I hope she gets a great new start and is really happy.

I felt like crap reading this thread and brought back lots of bad memories.

The OP has done the important thing, which is getting her daughter away from the situation

True, but do we just accept that it's always up to the victims to make big changes to their lives and restrict their freedoms and happiness, just so that the bullies can be left to find their next victim?

Should women just never go out in public alone, to 'solve' the problem of sexual assault and stranger rape?

Does the existence of women's refuges 'solve' the problem of DV - where violent men get to stay in their own homes and keep their lives as they are, whilst their victims are the ones who need to turn their lives upside down?

In fact, why don't we stop imprisoning violent and dangerous people and just build massive prisons for everybody else instead, to keep them safe from the bad people, whilst they are allowed to carry on merrily as they like?!

When you go in to pick up her belongings take a written checklist to show them every single time you have previously complained.
How dare they blame your child for not complaining!
And definitely write to OFSTED with every detail.

Keep her home x

@Zaina89

Reading this, I'm so angry on your behalf - I work in a Primary School & this mis-management of the situation & attempted blame-shift onto your daughter is absolutely abhorrent!

I would definitely not be able to let that go. I'd write a formal complaint, detailing all of the bullying, the fact that the whole school body were well aware, the complete failure to do anything about it & the horrendous effect on your daughter's mental health, etc. Send a copy to the Head & Chair of Governors - they are then duty bound to respond to you.

I’d absolutely send the whatsapp and I would name names in it. Call them out on it. You’re leaving anyway so it doesn’t matter what they think.

I’d also contact the governors and say that you’ve left due to bullying that wasn’t addressed. Say it how it is.

100% this….spot on reply…good luck to your daughter OP bless her xx