To dislike it when people shorten my child’s name?

[Sleepingqueen]

Before anyone has a go I know that this is trivial.

My child has a very common name that can easily be shortened. Imagine Thomas, Daniel, Oliver.

We don’t ever shorten his name, he doesn’t like it to be, it doesn’t suit him so we stick to his full name.

I know that people will always shorten it, but when family do it for some reason it irritates me. It feels like they’re referring to someone else.

I have a long name that can be shortened and it really doesn’t bother me because I’ve always shortened it, it just doesn’t suit ds.

I assume that you’re in the UK where I think it’s seen as a sign of affection. One of my kids has a one syllable name and he was given nicknames too so you can’t win.
I understand the frustration - especially if ds says that he’s Thomas and not Tom so I’m not sure of the answer.

Ultimately if your son doesn't want it to be shortened, then it shouldn't be.

My daughter has a quite traditional girls name, but shortened it to the traditional boy shortening of a similar boys name rather than the more usual girl shortening. Her pre school teachers and grandparents absolutely refuse to use the shortening, saying 'it's a boys name'.
Luckily her school teachers are very happy to respect her wishes, and she is now on the school systems in her shortened name. She is very individual and this name absolutely suits her.

Honestly I would try to let it go. If it were a weird nickname yes you could nip it in the bud, but you are never going to get people to not shorten a name like Thomas to Tom. It is affectionate and if it really is a name like Tom or Dan probably done without thinking.

How old is he?

He is 8.

If its a name that traditionally gets shortened then I kind of get that, I am the worst for shortening peoples names, think Christopher to Chris. However only if it makes sense, my DS is Henry and he got called Hen the other day 😅 definitely not. Whereas my other DS is Edward and he gets everything from Ted, Teddy, Eddie, Tedstar, Edwardo, Tedward. I could go on.
I think it's just a sign of familiarity and affection. Unless you really don't like the NN, I wouldn't let it bother me. How old is your DS? Once he's in the big school his friends will probably NN him anyway.

It’s weird really why it annoys me. I have another ds, my ds1 and I don’t bat an eyelid if people shorten his name.

Ds2 corrects people if they shorten his name, but funnily enough it seems to be family who fo it the most.

I agree name shortening it affectionate but even so, when family refer to ‘Thomas’ as Tom in messages or cards I really hate it.

I’m afraid that I consider people incapable of dealing with a full name just a bit thick, especially when they know perfectly well that you don’t shorten it.

Thick and not a little rude. It’s not affectionate at all, especially if they get the arsehole when corrected.

I think you can. Both my DH and DD1 have names with very obvious shortenings, but neither get shortened by anyone who knows them, as they know they don't like it and respect that.
We have much more issue with actually getting people to use DD2's preferred shortening rather than her full name.

I have a work colleague called Susan and she just ignores anyone who calls her Sue, to the point I get second hand embarrassment.

Maybe your son could do that.

As your DS doesn't like it, people shouldn't shorten it (once they are aware).

My DD (8) dislikes it when people shorten her name (think Lily to Lil) and will tell them so. If they persist and she needs me to say something, I will, but most people are happy to abide by her wishes. If family did it persistently, it would upset me because they were ignoring or not hearing her request - it's dismissive and hurtful when someone is supposed to care about you (and just plain rude otherwise).

Yes ds is a very easily shortened name so it really does seem stupid to get annoyed.

Im wondering whether it’s because he’s my youngest and the shortened version sounds too grown up.

I think that's the hazard of choosing a commonly shortenable name.

I get the ick factor - I have name icks too - but apart from telling said relatives he doesn't like it, there's not much you can do except have a lower opinion of them.

Assuming you and your DS tell people how they want to be addressed then yanbu if they continue to do so. You have to be blunt - I’ve told you repeatedly to please use DS full name.

I was like this when my son was younger and could feel myself getting annoyed when family or teachers called him by his shorter version.
However he is now 15 and it doesn't bother me at all!! 🤔

This is such a bugbear for me!
I have a name that a majority of women with the same name shorten. I HATE the short version with a passion. I was never called the short version as a child as my parents didn’t like it either - yes have questioned why they chose the name when it would obviously get shortened🤦🏼‍♀️

It really pisses me off when people meet me and immediately shorten my name when I have introduced my self as full name.

I personally never shorten someone’s name unless they say they go by that version.
If your son doesn’t like it please speak up for him, repeat until they get the message.

I have sometimes ignored people who have called me the short version.

If your DS doesn't like it, tell them. When someone shortens it, tell them "please don't shorten his name, he doesn't like that, his full name is ... "
If they continue, avoid them and if they question why, be honest. " You can't respect DS and call him by his actual name so to avoid upsetting my child, we've distanced ourselves from you". Done.

Are you not correcting them? When it comes to family I would expect to have a quiet word with them out of earshot of your DS and make it clear his choice to be known by his proper name.

I have a name that is automatically shortened - my family use the shortened version, friends use the shortened version and I HATE the shortened version. I once requested family used the longer version and they said “you think your posh now, do you?” and refused. I also started a new job and thought I would start as I meant to go on and introduced myself to my supervisor by my full name and was met with “oh no, far too formal, I will call you shortened version of your name”. (And it’s not a ridiculously long name think along the lines of Deborah Vs Debbie). So I have no say in my name at all. So I understand your frustration completely!

I’m on your team OP. We have a Matthew. Because we love the name Matthew, not Matt or Matty. It’s Matthew.

I think you’re all batshit to give a hoot about this.

Is there a more childlike shortening, with a y, eg. Tommy, Billy, Danny, Bobby

I like the shortening of my son's name but he insists on the full name and is quite happy to correct people. In fact he made the switch completely at school in about year 4 I think and now his school friends sometimes correct me which I find funny. So I'll say have you seen Tolm and they'll say "it's Thomas"

I have the opposite. I shorten my son's name and it confuses everyone as they call him by the long version. Anyway, I have a short name but am called all sorts based on my surname.

Just persist in reminding people, it's frustrating but works eventually 😴 Family in my experience are the trickiest - they want to call DS something 'special' to them - so it's done with kind intentions