To dislike it when people shorten my child’s name?

[Sleepingqueen]

Before anyone has a go I know that this is trivial.

My child has a very common name that can easily be shortened. Imagine Thomas, Daniel, Oliver.

We don’t ever shorten his name, he doesn’t like it to be, it doesn’t suit him so we stick to his full name.

I know that people will always shorten it, but when family do it for some reason it irritates me. It feels like they’re referring to someone else.

I have a long name that can be shortened and it really doesn’t bother me because I’ve always shortened it, it just doesn’t suit ds.

You would only be unreasonable if your DS preferred the shortened version but as he clearly doesn't then you're definitely in the right. Your DS should be called the name he wishes to be called. I agree with those who have said that it's rude to assume people will prefer shortened versions of their name and even worse once they have made it clear that they wish to be called by the full version of their name. I don't care how "affectionate" people think they're being, it's disrespectful to think you have more right to decide what someone is called than they do themselves.
When my DD was in her teens she decided she wanted to be known by a shortened version of her name that I really don't like, but I still used it. It's her name, not mine!* *I confess that when she reverted to using her full name a few years ago I was very pleased, but I made no attempt to influence her. Once someone is old enough to express a clear preference about which version of their name they want to use I think that should be respected by everyone. (Unless they want to be called something offensive of course.)

You're just going to have to get used to it. It's out of your hands.

Dhs mother is the only person who is still using his full name. She'll still fighting that battle - he's pushing 60!

I have a name that’s really commonly shortened and I don’t like that version of my name. I’ve been ignoring people who shorten it since I was a child. It’s worked a treat! 😆

At 8 it’s fair enough to call him as he wants.

But some people really are too precious. I once was at a mum group and someone with a 1 year old says I have an Oliver . And I was like aww, I have an Ollie too. She goes. No, it’s Oliver. 😂

Outloud. I just went ‘oh’ - smile. Inside what I thought was; you really need to get over yourself love - we are not going to be friends.

Is it being precious or stating what they call their child?

I think it’s understandable that you’re annoyed that family who know that your child prefers to be referred to as his full name instead use a nickname so consistently, especially in something relatively formal like cards. To me it’s not that different than family members making a mistake like writing Catherine instead of Katherine. It’s understandable that some people get it wrong, but family members should try harder.

I think it's entirely understandable that something that upsets your son, upsets you too. No need to search for any other reason why this bothers you. This is reason enough.
I'm not clear whether you are correcting people when they do this, but I think, for your child's sake, that you should be. A simple "he doesn't like his name being shortened. Please use his full name." should surely be enough for reasonable people? And support (or keep supporting) your son to tell people he doesn't like it as well.

I liked several names for my child, but hated the shortened versions. So I made sure only to give them a name which if shortened would be 'tolerable' to me.

Fortunately, they like and use their full name and no one seems to shorten it.

My name can be pronounced two ways and I absolutely hate one of the pronunciations. Usually I correct people if they say it the wrong way. There was one friend though who said it a completely different way. For some strange reason I never corrected her, but it irritated me every time she said it and even more if she introduced me to others saying my name the wrong way. We drifted apart eventually.

Now though, if anyone doesn't use the right pronunciation, I politely correct them every time.

So, OP, correct everyone that doesn't use the name that your DS wants to be called. So that he has the confidence to do so in future on his own.

You’re in for a long haul! I keep correcting people who call me the male version of my name and it’s fucking constant and I’m so so fed up of it. To the point I’ve considered changing my name legally

People can’t even get it right when my name is in the email address

Our children have names like this. I had to have a word with nursery about it with my eldest. Took youngest (can’t say his own name yet) to the GP and he says “Hi Tom how’re you?” I’m like who the fuck is Tom so I say “This is Thomas” and the GP says “What do you like to be called Tommy?” So I’m seething because HE CAN’T SAY HIS NAME. His name isn’t Thomas but you get my drift. We chose our boys names because we like the shortenings but it’s for them to decide not us. My eldest hates being called anything other than his long name too, in fact he refers to his reflection by a shortening, eg if his name is Daniel then he calls his reflection Danny.

One of my DDs has a name that can be shortened into three very different names. She likes one. Hates two. So do I. The first two ‘shortened names are - if I am completely honest - the sort of names that make me grind my teeth together (completely irrational, but I imagine it’s because I’ve never met a person with those shortened versions who wasn’t a bit…pointless). I don’t really love the third one (which she likes) but it’s her name (and I am just grateful she didn’t choose the other two).

She’s 12 now, and if someone uses the incorrect version she doesn’t reply. I have no issue with it. It’s basic manners to call someone by their preferred name - either shortened or full length. I’ve found teachers and doctors to be the worst for it, particularly when she was younger.

It’s not precious, it’s their/their child’s name! I like the name Oliver but I don’t like Ollie. I’d never call my son Ollie. Just because you (presumably) like both Oliver and Ollie doesn’t mean others do. How would you like it if you mentioned your son’s name and another mum replied, “Oh, I’ve got a Liv too!” That would grate on you, wouldn’t it, because your son, Oliver/Ollie, is never called Liv. Even if it wouldn’t grate on you personally, surely you understand that others have perfectly reasonable preferences.

I think I am the only person who calls my brother by his full name !! His wife and even our parents shortened his name 😀it so odd now I think about it but the shortened version just should odd on my tongue !!!

It’s good that he’s correcting people himself. My DD is 6 and when she first started school she didn’t want anyone using the short version of her name except me and DH but if anyone did she would come and tell me about it but not say anything to them. I have the opposite problem, I always sign off emails to colleagues with the short version of of my name but except my boss, I get full named by everyone! 🤬

No it really wouldn’t. God I have even gone along with entirely different names let alone pronounciation or shortening’s. It really doesn’t matter if this is potentially the only conversation we will ever have. It is just rude.

They will mess with them anyway. My parents picked a name for me they thought couldn't be shortened. They were wrong! And its super annoying, i would much rather have a name with a recognised shortening.

Rude to be rightly corrected?

My parents hated people shortening their names so much that we all have unshortenable names. DS has a commonly shortened name, but he corrects anyone who doesn't use his full name. And finds it a useful filter on who the wankers are who keep using it when he's told them no to their faces.

Yes.

This a thread about what people think is rude with regard to shortened names. I felt in the scenario I mentioned it felt rude to be corrected. Not much else I can say really. It’s that simple.

Same could be said you were being rude for assuming it was ok to call her child a name that wasn’t his because you don’t have an issue when it comes to your child’s name being shortened?

It wasn’t his name regardless of your intention and she probably did it because people think it’s acceptable and she doesn’t or to simply be clear. Not rude to correct someone when it’s not their child’s name.

There are plenty of people named Ollie as there are plenty of people named Oliver, doesn’t mean they are all ok with being called the other.

And... this is why I chose a single-syllable name for my dc.

To be honest if it’s something like Samuel - Sam, Thomas - Tom then it’s a bit silly to use that name when it’s shortened so often in the UK. I agree its a sign of affection, and I personally never mind when my name is shortened.

Just keep correcting them. They will get there eventually.

it’s very rude when people do that.

No, it’s not! Using a shortened version of a name isn’t compulsory! Some people do, some people definitely don’t (see my Dave/David example earlier). What other names are people not allowed to use because they’re commonly shortened? Catherine? Elizabeth? Stephen? James?

Most names can be shortened, but if the person who the name belongs to doesn’t use a shortened version, then by calling them the shortened version you’re being rude and, simply, not using their actual name.

This.

My siblings are always called by their full names by our parents.

Elizabeth
Joseph
Thomas
Victoria.

To everyone else they are liz joe Tom and vick.

It is a term of affection. Just be glad your dchave close friends. There is nothing you can do about it