To dislike it when people shorten my child’s name?

[Sleepingqueen]

Before anyone has a go I know that this is trivial.

My child has a very common name that can easily be shortened. Imagine Thomas, Daniel, Oliver.

We don’t ever shorten his name, he doesn’t like it to be, it doesn’t suit him so we stick to his full name.

I know that people will always shorten it, but when family do it for some reason it irritates me. It feels like they’re referring to someone else.

I have a long name that can be shortened and it really doesn’t bother me because I’ve always shortened it, it just doesn’t suit ds.

Some people lengthen names too. A friend chose a one syllable name they liked for their DC and it’s frequently lengthened. Think Jim>Jimmy, Eve>Evie, Jen>Jenny, Tom>Tommy.

It’s common courtesy to use someone’s actual name rather than a version you prefer, but like common sense, it’s sadly not as common as you’d hope.

But it’s obvious that people will shorten those names that have a common short version. Even if people know they don’t like it and they stop, someone else will do it as people automatically shorten names. It’s a fact with those types of names and if I didn’t want people to shorten names (or didn’t like the shortened version) i’d steer well clear of those names. Seems mad to pick a name so commonly shortened then complain. In my opinion. Lots of one syllable names that never get shortened.

I wonder if it's more because you know HE doesn't like it, so you're annoyed FOR him??

Haha same with me. I have a Samuel. I call him Sam but all his friends call him Samuel

Do what my Nana did (in your best Hyacinth Bucket voice) whenever any of my Uncle’s friends telephoned/knocked and asked if he was in: ‘No, Dave’s not here, he doesn’t live here…David is though?’ 😂 Absolute class! 😂

I'm the same. My name is a One syllable name. I hate it with a passion. I love it when people lengthen it

I totally disagree. If they and he want the name to be Thomas correct people and says its Thomas actually.

If they continue to say Tom it isn't affectionate it's disrespectful.

Imagine how I feel when I am called one name (Arabic name) and then you have some lazy gits who change my name to something easy for them! Without asking. And even when I say my name is .... Lets say "Surayha". They say oh I will call you Sarah. No my flipping name is "surayha" not "Sarah"!!!!!!😡

My son and I are the complete opposite and get annoyed when we are addressed by our full name because we have both always referred to ourselves by a shortened version .

My son has the same type of name and I fully expected to use the short version, but just.. haven't!
I don't mind if people shorten it myself but he doesn't seem to like it except from one teacher, and my brother - different version from each. No logic! He will exclusively introduce himself as the full version. So if family ignored that preference of his, yeah I'd be annoyed too! It's not difficult to call someone but their preferred name, and I think it's rather rude not to.

Stephens can get funny about having their names shortened. I assume Davids do as well. If they don't, they should.

I agree. It's not affectionate if the person whose name it is doesn't like it. My son has always politely corrected people who shorten his name.
He tends to ignore them if they continue to shorten it.

My Nannie once told the police they had the wrong house and then shut the door as "Sam doesn't live here" knowing full well that my Uncle Samuel was known as Sam.

My mum told a friend that phoned me once that they had the wrong number as there isn't a Charlie in the house. It was only after she'd hung up that she realised they were phoning to speak to me!

Yeah we are going to disagree. We clearly have a different understanding of manners.

Well it is up to your child if they are old enough to have an opinion they are old enough to tell people but we new when we named our child we or even they dont own it and variations would be used

Yes if they dont like it they can say something but not everything in life goes the way we want it so we thought carefully

Same with wacky spellings it would annoy me having to correct people if was me so we didn't use any on our child

If a child is called Sebastian or Rosemary they will get variations even if they dont want them, and thinking people should just get it right is true but life is not like that

YANBU to dislike it when people call your DS by a shortened version of his name given he prefers the full name. I think it is disrespectful to decide you know better than the owner of the name, what they would like to be called. Occasional errors are one thing, as is taking a bit of time to learn someone's preferred name but to just decide that Thomas is Tom or Victoria is Vicky, is rude.

Both my DCs have three syllable names that have a number of short versions. DC1 chose to use the short version with everyone, in every context when they were about five. DC2 has never really been known by their full name but it is the one on the register at school. Throughout secondary school, they have used their official name with teachers, only asking them to use the short version once they've decided the teacher is one they like so not the French teacher.

I'm a teacher and always ask students to let me know if they want me to call them something other than their register name, and to help me get the pronunciation of their name right if it is one that has different forms/emphasis e.g. Aaron being air-on or a-ron.

Teach him to say, "It's Oliver, thanks".

He's old enough to learn assertiveness.

Yup, I went for names which can't be shortened. But one gets mispronounced instead 😅 can't win!!

I'm on team 'it's your son's name and he gets to choose'. In situations like this it often feels like people are afraid to be rude or seen as rude (ie in correcting people) but honestly if the OP has asked someone to respect DS's choices multiple times and they haven't then they're the ones being rude and calling them out on that is completely acceptable imo. It's not affectionate or nice if the person actively doesn't like it.

I have a shortened name. I really don't like the full version. It's only ever been used when I'm in trouble or in not nice situations where people don't really know me, to the point it genuinely makes me flinch. Unfortunately some people find this funny and use it purposefully to cause discomfort. I can tell because usually if someone is light-hearted teasing then when you say it makes you uncomfortable they stop. I've been known to start calling someone a totally different name if they persist. Which has, to be fair, resulted in one (now) friend (let's call him Mike) being forever known as Jean.

I know an Oliver who’s frequently called “ollie” by lots of people. He said that if he corrected them, they’d sometimes smirk “Oliver Twist”.

I agree with those who say, teach polite assertiveness: it’s a vital life skill, I wish I’d learned it earlier.

I remember a story of a girl called Anna-Magdalena, who loved her long name, but everyone shortened it, including her parents. She named her baby brother Luke so that nobody could shorten it.

@Vinted8457764 out of interest would it still have been rude if she'd said 'aww that's nice! However we stick to Oliver, so at least we won't get them mixed up whilst we're here', or something like that? Do you genuinely dislike being corrected in any way and think people should allow you to just continue being wrong in the name of manners? Or was it the tone and delivery of the correction?

Sometimes the latter irks me, but I do try and give people the benefit of the doubt that they're probably not being intentionally rude and maybe I'm being a bit precious to be offended. Especially if they have young kids. My username describes how I felt when my children were small 😅 definitely wasn't giving too much thought to tone at the time, I didn't really have the energy!

@phoenixrosehere

I have rage on your behalf!!!!

DS(17) has a very common name that’s been mentioned several times already.

Family mostly use the long version but his friends and work colleagues all use the short.

I didn’t like people using the short version when he was little, not because I don’t like that version (I wouldn’t have chosen it otherwise!) but because I’m firmly in camp “it’s up the bearer of the name to decide what they are referred to as”. So while he was too young to have an opinion (or care) I absolutely corrected people.

It is bad manners to shorten a persons name on an assumption, without actually asking them if they go by that version.

It is INCREDIBLY rude to continue to do so after the person has already told you they use the long form (and yes I would question brain cells of any anyone who did this).

No, they really don’t! If someone introduced themselves to me as Charlotte, I’m not going to suddenly start calling them Lottie! Why would I? And the next person they introduce themselves to won’t either!

There seems to be a small number of people who think it’s affection or cute to shorten names - or else do it as a kind of control thing. I once worked in an office with a women called Amanda. It suited her very well and went with her one syllable surname. Every person called her Amanda, except for one woman who insisted on calling her Mandy. She was one of those ‘I’m so jolly and fun’ people who are actually quite mean underneath. She said, “I’m going to call you Mandy” and she did. Even when Amanda politely corrected her, and even when other colleagues had pointed out she was Amanda. In the end the manager pulled her up on it, and she made all kinds of excuses about ‘just being friendly’ but the look on her face said different.

If people tell you their name and you persist in calling them something different, that’s not affection that’s bullying.

It’s not a small number of people who shorten names. No-one would start calling a Charlotte Lottie without being told, i’m talking about names like Benjamin, and Thomas when most will shorten and so people will assume, and just drop into a conversation. It happens all the time. I have a name that’s often shortened (and lengthened) and people often call me the shortened version. I certainly don’t take offence

Just because you don’t take offence doesn’t mean it’s not rude.

Are you honestly saying that if someone introduced themselves as Benjamin you wouldn’t call him Benjamin?