Would this piss you off? DP comment on day out

[JadeJ91]

Day out yesterday, historical seaside town with various lovely view points. DP a bit grumpy all day and not paying a lot of interest to anything. Anyway, at one particular location I asked him what he thought of the view and he said ‘not great really….hang on, it’s just got a lot better now’ just as an attractive woman walked past, and he joked about her bum being the highlight of his day so far.

A bit disrespectful, surely? I told him to shut up and he said I should lighten up and ‘have a laugh’

If he was grumpy because he was bored then he should've opened his mouth and told her that he'd rather not go instead of sulking all day like a spoiled child.

Of course it is somehow the woman's fault though.

We just got back from holiday, where there were a few groups of young ladies (talking like 20 year olds) in skimpy bikinis by the pool - one female pensioner said to another that she bet their husbands were gutted the young ladies with their bottoms out had left the pool area, and laughed.
When we got home I said to a friend and her husband I’ve never seen quite so many bottoms as when we were on holiday - she said “I bet Mr Pottlee loved it! I bet you would too darling!” to her husband.
Is this where we are as a society where women think it’s OK for their husbands to be ogling strangers? Bloody weird IMO

Even if you can convince yourself that what he said was fine (not disrespectful to you 'cos it's a joke innit, and you are just too sour), it would still be a problem that he's ogling women as if they were objects rather than treating them as human beings. Tacitly going along with this to keep the peace or whatever always disadvantages you; it never benefits you.

I hate when men make comments like this it’s disgusting and so unclassy. A friend of mine had a bf who used to comment on women’s bodies like that in front of her (and her friends). I was overjoyed when she dumped him.

Why do they always turn it into us lightening up/it’s a joke🙄

My first boyfriend was lovely, loved Helena Bonham Carter but was so respectful about it. Never ever felt sleazy. My last ex never mentioned a word but my god, he could swivel his head round full turn to ogle a woman!

I know lots of nice & normal guys that don’t act like a randy dog at the sight of a woman!

YNBU op, it’s grim.

How insulting! That would bring out my medieval side....

The thing is, I know that a man who sulks, objectifies women and makes lewd comments isn’t the sort of bloke I’d want to be with, even if it was a ‘joke’. So it would be an easy decision for me.

Yes, I also think going straight to LTB is a bit of an overreaction if it's just one grumpy day and one inappropriate remark.

Been here, OP. The real them coming out now that he's moved in. Chuck him back ASAP.

She said he's changed since he moved in a montg ago, become lazier and grumpier. Big red flag when paired with sexist comments and being told to 'lighten up' about them. Sounds like a right dud to me.

No, it’s because these men very obviously don’t behave like this in the beginning.

A misogynistic cocklodger is about the most laughable specimen you can find 😂.

It's never just one inappropriate remark, that's just how it starts.

It’s never just one inappropriate remark though. A decent, respectful man doesn’t have a temporary lobotomy and make one sole lewd, disrespectful comment then go back to being decent, generally.

What exactly do you mean by “typical man stuff e.g. toilet habits” OP? Do you mean he doesn’t clean up his own wee / shit and as a result presumably you to do so? Because if so, that isn’t “typical man stuff”, it’s “disgusting, fundamentally misogynistic man stuff”.

There haven’t been any issues up until the last month or so. I think I’ve a decision to make sadly.

The decision you have to make is - do I throw his sorry arse back out again? The answer is yes.

Other PPs have used exactly the same phrase I immediately thought of, he's got his feet under the table now.

It’s taken a long time for my bar to reach a high level and I wouldn’t accept this ‘banter’ now. I’ve done too many year’s ‘laughing’ off crude, sexist or patronising comments from men who don’t respect women. I just wish my bar had been this high year’s ago or I wouldn’t have now sworn off relationships forever. If he is otherwise decent then tell him in no uncertain terms this is not the 1970s and you don’t appreciate the disrespect, alternatively if his response is aggressive or defensive, see it as a warning sign for the future and whether you want to continue.

And yes, the fact he’s changing for the worse since moving in is a huge red flag.

Yes, essentially - ‘ah I didn’t realise it was on the seat, my bad, it was dark’ or similar excuse

You're being disingenuous!
We all have times when we just don't feel like doing xyz..when we just aren't in the mood for going out etc. If we are forced to then pretend that we are enjoying doing something and talk about something excitedly just to please our partners I am sure mnetters will have a few things to say about such a partner! Will call himabusive and all sorts. A woman trying to force a man to pretend that he actually likes something when he doesn't , is no different really. Sounds like OP was pushing him/winding him up. If you know someone isn't really enjoying sightseeing why would you then ask him what his thoughts are on the view? Tbh, if I didn't want to be somewhere or was clearly in a mood and my partner having noticed this asked me what my thoughts are on the view I'd be pissed off too. Read the room .

How often, and for how long, have women been told that there are "far worse problems" to deal with than women's issues (misogyny, discrimination, violence, ...). Sick of hearing that old chestnut.

If he didn't want to be there, he didn't have to go in the first place. That's his responsibility, not OP's.

What was OP supposed to do, sit there in miserable silence and just let him sulk? She was on a day out with a grown up, not a child or so she thought. She also couldn't have predicted that someone he found attractive was going to walk past when she asked him the question.

This isn’t typical male behaviour. This is slobish, lazy and entitled behaviour. You’re in a relationship with a man child it sounds like.

Not patronising at all, of course not!
Do not call me ‘dear’ and do not ridicule me for accidentally putting ‘guillotine’ instead of ‘gallows’. It was caused by a mental blip, not my lack of education. But it’s ok, you just carry on showing how clever you are. I’m sure your family (if you even have one) really appreciates you. Now perhaps you’d like to point out the errors in my reply. I’ll start you off-
Starting a sentence with ‘but’.
Your turn!

But... there is a difference between the ladies, their wives, saying it, playfully. And the guys saying it, as the highlight of the day. On top of being a bore the whole day.
Same as if a man says "oh I bet you are sad that Brad Pitt just left", versus the wife/ partner saying it. You can also get from the tone and expression whether they are saying it to take a dig to their partner or not.
There are people who find it playfull. And those who don't. And those two type of people are not compatible partners.

I think what we should say is " yes, there are indeed bigger issues in the world. So, why don't you go and fix them? Instead of hanging around the thread"