To think Mumsnet is more vitriolic than it used to be?

[knowifIcando]

Or has it always been really bad and my tolerance levels are decreasing?

I must have been using the site for almost 20 years. There have always been trolls and disagreements but it’s getting mad. You see a post asking if anyone can recommend a good white gloss paint and you are asked if your DH will be doing the painting, why you’re not married, accused of not protecting your financial future and offered contraception advice.

Or you post to say that you’re sick of the same packed lunches and what healthy options can you make instead. You’re asked why you weren’t making healthy choices to this point, quizzed over your BMI and it ends with being accused of neglecting your kids,

Is it actually getting worse or is it me?

Perhaps the modern game of playing one off against the other for the sheer joy of it is the most destructive.

Sometimes you can't do right for being wrong.

In one post an OP had explained what happened to her and her DH and she said what she had done and the result.

I had the temerity to tell her she shouldn't have pressed his buttons, knowing how he would react.

I was shouted down as 'victim bashing' a new one on me, and several even had my posts removed when I tried to stick up for myself.

You what? You were called out for victim bashing? Quite rightly.

Why? I was giving advice. It depends on what you consider a victim is. I sympathised with the OP, but I could not ignore the fact that she pushed his buttons, knowing what the result would be.

I would do the same again. I am well acquainted with the acts of men - well one. If I knew what started him off I would not deliberately incite that behaviour.

I would have thought fear would make sure you didn't go there. Bad enough when men display their anger without prompting. When I think of the women who have been battered and killed by their partners without provoking them, I have little sympathy for women who provoke men into action and wonder why they are verbally insulted.

It is like walking into danger and not being concerned. For instance, would you get in a car with a drunken driver and expect to go home in one piece? Would you cross a road when a car is coming?

How can someone incite someone else to do or say something bad then complain at the consequences?

There's definitely more of those dickhead posters that think they're clever or witty or they're up on their high horses.

Someone can start a thread saying "my baby daddy just punched me in the face, I don't know what to do", and you'll get dozens and dozens of posters saying "baby daddy, are you 15 years old?", "YABU for saying baby daddy", "I was with you until you said baby daddy", "baby daddy 🤮"... I mean come on dickheads, there's more pressing issues here isn't there?

Three years ago I went through a life changing event - which is still ongoing now and traumatic. I had a thread about it as I was in genuine need of support ( think domestic violence ) but after a day or so it became obvious that my situation was a source of online excitement, drama - almost entertainment for many.

I would never look to Mumsnet for help again unfortunately and also because the Daily Mail now use it for soap opera storyline material. Plus there are many fake threads and accusatory, vitriolic comments abound no matter what the topic. Although I read a few threads and see some genuinely lovely posts to help women struggling, I don’t comment. The moment you do, someone will pipe up and provide the opposite goady opinion designed purely to attack. I’m not sure if the forum was always like this but its become, like social media, a dangerous gorgon.

I agree. I posted recently about the changes to PIP and commented that the questions will be worded slightly differently to ensure the " most" physically disabled claimants receive 4 points
I was asked rudely how I knew this( did my own research) and then quite a number of posters demanding links which I find quite difficult
when I screenshot relevant information I was told that wasn't what they wanted
" Google it yourself then, like I did"

I haven't been on that long - a few years - but I find some posters to be crude and rude.

You can be direct and frank, you can disagree strongly, but you don't need to insult people.

My least favourite tropes are:

ignoring the OP's question and picking on some aspect of the post, either terminology or even grammar and going on about that instead. Or amateur psychology and mind-reading such as 'You don't seem to like her very much' or 'You sound snobbish'. Just answer the question and stop judging the person's character.

remarks such as 'unclench' or references to 'pearl-clutching'. This is thrown at anyone who has a different attitude to social norms (putting make-up on in public, eating smelly food in the cinema for eg).

The dreaded dumb response 'It's none of your business' or 'It doesn't affect you'., when it's often clear that it is, and it does. And even if that were the case - the whole point of an anonymous internet forum is to have a bit of a vent, or canvass opinions on something that's come up in your life. It's a discussion.

One good thing - I haven't seen so much of the twee terms 'cockwomble' or 'wankbadger' or similar recently. They seem to have died the death.

Problem here is that you accept male violence as a fact of life. Many men are violent dickheads indeed but that's what we need to relentlessly challenge as a society.
As an aside, women often can't win online: either they don't challenge the dickhead quickly enough and are doormats / abusing their children by sticking around or they (quote) 'shouldn't have pushed his buttons'.
This is just so depressing.

Well you cannot go through life harbouring hatred and resentment.

There are faults on both sides.