To think Mumsnet is more vitriolic than it used to be?

[knowifIcando]

Or has it always been really bad and my tolerance levels are decreasing?

I must have been using the site for almost 20 years. There have always been trolls and disagreements but it’s getting mad. You see a post asking if anyone can recommend a good white gloss paint and you are asked if your DH will be doing the painting, why you’re not married, accused of not protecting your financial future and offered contraception advice.

Or you post to say that you’re sick of the same packed lunches and what healthy options can you make instead. You’re asked why you weren’t making healthy choices to this point, quizzed over your BMI and it ends with being accused of neglecting your kids,

Is it actually getting worse or is it me?

We don't just come on here for advice, though. We could just use Google for that.

It would be so sad if MN just turns into AI bots bouncing stuff back and forth, with nary an actual human to be seen anymore.

Or, is it because we're all older, with less patience, possibly peri menopausal or full blown menopausal and we're just p!ssed off and sick of other people's sh!t?
Asking for a friend...

This is true. But I think there used to be a lot of dry, cutting and very clever humour in the viper’s nest that was Mumsnet back in the day.

Nowadays the viper’s nest seems so po-faced and earnest. Or downright bitchy but without any humour or self awareness to lighten it.

And so many puritanical or pointless posts picking up on an innocuous aspect of the OPs post. OP mentions in passing she went to McDonalds - cue lots of replies banging on about UPFs being the work of the devil, while ignoring the main points in OPs post.

I agree. It is definitely not as entertaining as in days of yore.

I've been here since 2011 and I distinctly remember that one of the first posts I ever read outside the Pregnancy board was someone complaining about how much more unpleasant things had become. I don't think it's significantly different myself, and the posts complaining about it being kinder and funnier in the past have been appearing for so many years it's a tradition as venerable as 'Should I call my baby SomethingDeeplyUnwise?' posts.

The difference I notice is more way posters posting to ask whether they're pregnant and then posting endless subsequent photos of pregnancy tests asking whether the line is getting stronger or weaker.

Vitriolic??? Oh do shut up... What a whinger!😉

I noticed too. Worse actually in the last few years.

I sometimes think it is to block posters who are opposing the thread. If posters do not agree with someone who has a justified issue, there are posters who will insult and upset anyone whose post they do not agree with, in an effort to influence the vote on the thread or upset the OP of a thread.

Some posters have actually supported breaking the law. I noticed that in several threads to do with children. It horrified me that so many posters thought it was fine to have under age sex, even that it did not have psychological affects; that there were no sexually transmitted diseases, that you cannot get inflamation of the womb leading to serious conditions later in life. Some even said that the police condoned it if it was two 14 year olds. Any poster who did not agree was vilified, insulted, sworn at. Even someone who admitted to being a social worker said let them get on with it.

I was thinking of just that thread when the news yesterday was about the riots in Northern Ireland where two boys raping a girl. I do not know if the police did nothing or not. People took justice into their own hands.

I think Mumsnet were wise to take away the grinning emoji, because far from being used as a positive tool, it was being used as an insult to posters they didn't agree with.

At issue too, was the number of posters who said their was nothing wrong with flying abroad on a week's holiday leaving the minor teens behind because they didn't want to go. Anyone who was horrified at the thought were insulted, sworn at, ridiculed and humiliated.

So do I. In fact I think all the posts should be shown, if only to make other posters aware of those who set out to deliberately upset and humiliate.

It is adult bullying, and unacceptable. It is also stalking very often. You see it in several threads when 3/4 people start to stalk one poster they do not agree with. Stalking means pursuing someone against their wishes, following them, writing to them, phoning them, repeatedly, making their lives a misery.

It is also stalking when they take advantage of an anonymous social media site and castigate anyone they think might be upset by it. It is particularly bad when teens to that to teens and they take their own lives.

Posters do it anonymously, thinking they can get away with it. Then when someone gives as good as they get, they have it deleted, so no one ever knows how bad they are.

They do their worst, inviting posters to answer them, and have those answers removed so that it looks as though what they said is true, because the subject of their torment hasn't replied!

I do not believe those who abuse the site are mothers. If they are, their parenting is not good, and for the sake of the children, their names should be revealed to the authorities.

I cannot comment on what it was like years ago.

I think parts of it are incredibly supportive.

And times I think it fully earns its “Prosecco StormFront nickname.

I do agree with this. I miss the more coherent debates of the old days. This is not Twitter or Reddit and I really wish some posters would remember that.

To be fair though the amount of Herberts and fantasy/grief/trauma trolls is enough to make anyone bad tempered. You see people falling for the most unbelievable shit time and again. There's a long running thread right now that is quite clearly a pervert. OP hasn't returned after some 600+ posts. It's the gullibility and sheer stupidity that makes people ratty.

It's definitely getting worse! Complaints about husbands, partners, boyfriends etc result in "LTB", "arsehole", "WTF", 'WTAF" "clusterfuck" and worse. So much hate!

I've noticed more goady and judgy posts in the last year or so.

Everywhere is the same though. My books go up on Netgalley before release and I used to get loads of lovely and supportive pre-release reviews. Now it's all bitching and moaning that 'I would never do that' or 'it's too short/long'. So I don't think we can entirely blame Mumsnet, I think it's the Net as a whole.

Yes I definitely think it’s gradually become a significantly more cruel and callous space than it used to be back in the day when it first started up. With a lot of people apparently just posting essentially to crow about how perfect their lives are and make people feel even worse about their problems. I do agree there has been a significant sudden worsening since the pandemic (which I would agree is something I also observe in real life). And I agree it’s less funny than it used to be (also probably reflecting the lack of light heartedness in real life as people are grappling with all the problems afflicting modern Britain).

I also agree with a poster who said that people now attack the person not the point. It’s always been a place of robust debate hence the viper’s nest. And yes there have always been some trolls though not as many as now I think. But the big difference is that previously if someone came on saying they wanted advice about a particular issue or wanted to discuss opinions on a particular issue, unless there was something glaringly significant needing addressing they’d skipped over like it was nothing eg “my DH hit me last night, to cheer myself up I want to make a really great lunch for the kids, what are people’s ideas for kids packed lunches?” or something, where people would rightly focus on the hitting husband rather than the lunch ideas, generally people stuck to the topic raised for discussion.

And I feel like people were generally a bit more respectful of or at least tolerant of other opinions even if they massively disagreed with them. Though that’s again something I’ve noticed as a real-life issue, and potentially some of it is generational. I am Gen X and my teen is Gen Alpha, there are a lot of things I like about his generation but I hate the “cancel culture” and the lack of “live and let live, agree to disagree, and respect people’s differences” that I see in it, everything seems black and white to them. For example I feel like back in the day there were the sort of debates happening which might actually change someone’s mind about something, rather than an immediate dismissal of any dissenting opinion as basically being evil.

I actually agree with another poster who said Reddit now seems a kinder and more supportive space than this.

agree

99% of my annoyance (which I usually manage to ignore but probably am guilty of being rude to occasionally) would be mitigated if people just READ THE POST THEY WERE COMMENTING ON. So many people just reading the headline and then either asking questions that the OP has already answered several times, or merrily responding to a scenario that bears little if any resemblance to the OP and is just what they've made up in their own head in order to have an excuse to pile on.

If anything there seem to be slightly fewer of the dickheads who used to reply to a clearly distraught OP asking a serious question to ignore the actual content and just point out an error in their spelling/grammar, usually with the veiled pretence it made their post incomprehensible (when it was always perfectly clear what was meant), or say something like 'use paragraphs OP I couldn't be bothered to read that wall of text", than there were a few years ago.

I think it depends on the subject matter. Threads on benefits of any kind always take a turn for the worse, as does anything to do with step parents, baby boomers or just men in general !!

l also think that lately there’s a high degree of reading and comprehension fails, as well as an increasing number of posters who are clearly just keyboard warriors out to take an alternative view no matter what, with the sole intention of a derail. Not to mention internalised misogyny being more and more prevalent these days.

I’m relatively new to MN and I think some of the answers are just mean, for the sake of being mean. And so many leave your husband. As if you just walk out the door with your kids and life under one arm.

Has it been going that long? Only joined a couple of years ago with the genuine intention of seeking advice.

I must say, most were supportive but some were harsh. When I commented on posts there were a few admonishments, especially have you not been keeping up with the post? Erm no, I saw it, went off to do my real life, but wanted to respond so did so later when I had time.

As everywhere, there are different personalities and there will be conflict between different age groups, backgrounds, religion etc.

However all should show respect, not just type because they're looking for an argument as a keyboard warrior. Xxx

Has anyone noticed that the first page of answers is usually so reactive and nasty and then after a couple of pages the more pragmatic, reasonable people start to come in with their answers??

I especially see this on the 'my DH did this threads', there's a full page of irrational people shouting to leave your marriage over everything and then you start to get the more helpful and more thought out answers come through.
Makes me think there's a group of people just sitting waiting ready for the next argument to come in 🙄

I do think that nastiness on MN has increased to a significant extent in the last few years. But this seems to be occurring across social media. Yesterday I was listening to a podcast by a YouTube creator who was talking about how many more nasty comments she gets these days than in the past. She said that other YouTube creators have said the same. As MN has grown, I suppose it is to be expected that it won't be immune from this kind of negativity.

I think people are in general. That and we have seen it all before.

I try to stay away from the relationships section as I am pig sick of seeing women making the same mistakes over and over with useless or abusive men - especially giving up work not married to said useless man.

Only so many times people can give the same advice.

Some people just enjoy being spiteful, it's part of their psychopathy. Some people feel aggrieved in life in one way or other, and get to vent at strangers without having to deal with come-backs. Some people feel superior to others and like to put others down. There's a lot of this on here now sadly.

It’s the same on Facebook, people are just so rude online, I doubt very much if they would be the same face to face as most of them wouldn’t be that forward.