To think Mumsnet is more vitriolic than it used to be?

[knowifIcando]

Or has it always been really bad and my tolerance levels are decreasing?

I must have been using the site for almost 20 years. There have always been trolls and disagreements but it’s getting mad. You see a post asking if anyone can recommend a good white gloss paint and you are asked if your DH will be doing the painting, why you’re not married, accused of not protecting your financial future and offered contraception advice.

Or you post to say that you’re sick of the same packed lunches and what healthy options can you make instead. You’re asked why you weren’t making healthy choices to this point, quizzed over your BMI and it ends with being accused of neglecting your kids,

Is it actually getting worse or is it me?

As with many other aspects of online communication, I think because people can hide behind anonymity it opens the gates for saying a lot of things they probably wouldn't say in real life. I try to be respectful in debates, try to take on board other opinions and learn from them, but some are intent on twisting every word. In recent days I've apparently been stalked on a couple of threads by someone who provides only one-sentence sarcastic responses. I try not to get sucked into reacting, but it's very hard not to.

In the 20yrs I've been here, it's always been a Vipers nest. MNers pride themselves on brutal honesty but you visit a relationship thread where OP is being abused and you see the overwhelming support and love for a stranger is incredible.

My parenting journey has been improved by MN, from TTC to birth plans, anti natal and post groups. I'm FB and RL friends with MNers.

I'm a more tolerant person thanks to MN, I understand the silent struggle that many women are going through much more than I did. It's shocking how many are married to complete dickheads.

I agree that still lives on and I have had the same experience on the relationship board. That's the reason MN is the only online forum I contribute to - I have quit all other social media in the last few months (FB, Insta, Twitter/X, no longer go on reddit etc.) The only thing I still check out is MN and I have LinkedIn for business. That's it.

This is absolutely true also of the SEN boards. Advice on there has been incredibly wise and helpful.

I find it quite funny now. If you look at it objectively the most opinionated, bigoted people are just making themselves look like hytwrical idiots. We are all allowed an opinion, but most people don't care about theirs as much as they care about mine. It is the people who have strong opinions about something they know nothing about that make me laugh (disability seems to get a lot of judgement from people who have no idea about it). Life is complicated, and if you have to reduce it down to a dualistic bad vs good debate then you are just showing yourself up to be a bit stupid.

That is if they are real people, which I very much doubt. There are some really suspect posts on here 🤖

I think AIBU is just a magnet for dickheads though. That's why I am here. 😀

Yes very true. SEN mums have bigger shit to work about than Daily Mail problems! There are some real heroes on those boards that have helped me, it's just a shame that people are so horrid elsewhere towards disabled children. Really nasty stuff about parenting or the children's personality. Everything is nurture and there is no such thing as genetic differences or brains developing differently because of it. A real lack of understanding as to how poorly trained teachers are and how the system is designed to give schools and families the least input they can get away with at the detriment to everyone.

It has given me quite a thick skin, but I find in real life people are much more kinder and understanding. It has just made me more proud of my family and what we have been through. AIBU weirdos have helped me in a way as I no longer give a shit.

After a while you know which threads will kick off. Parent and child parking is a definite favourite 🍿thread of mine.

I didn’t comment on the thread but agreed that op should not be doing all of the cooking. Op wasn’t exactly overjoyed with her dh critiquing her suppers!
Your dc should be cooking, trying new recipes themselves too. Mine started at 5yr so by the time they were 14/15 they could cook most things. I like MN because it is against the subservience and conditioning of women, and your example is precisely why it’s important!

Do you seriously not get it !!!
You go completely off point aswel !!!
The thread here is about whether people think mn is too vitriolic now & it is ..
I was giving an example of a thread I was on , about a woman asking for recipe ideas, & everyone just went off on one about her husband & cooking !!!!
Oh , & I cook dinner for my kids every evening because I want to do it !!!!
My kids can cook & do cook , but I like to cook dinner in the evening ..
Does that sit okay with you ???

I really have to agree, it's not just mumsnet. I think the world at large - be it traditional media or social media - is a much nastier place than it used to be.

I think that for some people, it's easier to be nasty online because you don't see the impact of your words on the person who's on the receiving end of them (it's the same with phonecalls). And It's easy for some to get pulled into the baying mob.

And the funny thing is that we've never had so much - whether it be stuff or opportunities - but are we all any happier for it? Can't see it myself. Some people always want more, other are jealous of others who have more and, when you're hiding behind a screen, it's too easy to try to bring others down.

It's a sad state of affairs.

I think the reason why they do this is to sway the debate another way and stop posters from putting their point of view over, especially if it is correct!

I have also noticed that there is an element who seem to be supporting illegal activities. Perhaps they have been denied access to the dark web.

Some posters are so wrong they could cause Mumsnet to be taken off, especially those championing the wrong way to support children. I think subjects like that are particularly dangerous. I wonder if some charities who care for children monitor this site?

I think they should.

The danger of not posting is that people with influence can gain the upper hand, and new mothers who look for help get the opposite.

If the idea is to depress someone, that can lead to very serious consequences. They have to be shown up for what they are.

My husband does all the cooking…I hope that means he shouldn’t leave me. TBH, I’d NEVER come here for advice!! I’d certainly never come here for medical advice…I remember a poster asking about a pain she was experiencing, can’t remember the details now, something abdominal I think, someone comes on and simply says ‘pancreatic cancer.’ 🙈 But yes, some very nasty people on here.

I think you’re undoubtedly correct but in the past I have been shot down in flames just for expressing an opinion … often on MN there doesn’t appear to be much space for differences

I’ve been around for ten years or so. AIBU has always been robust, but that Wild West spirit has definitely been more apparent on other boards, such as Chat, which I think was much more relaxed in the past.

What I’ve noticed is that people are way more contrary than they used to be, and as a PP said, more puritanical and joyless. First response to an OP usually sets the tone for the whole thread, and too often, that first response is picky and yeah, contrary. I swear some people here could start an argument in an empty room.

But for all of its issues, when MN is good, it’s very, very good.

Definitely more pious and joyless.

2016 with Brexit and the US elections seemed to cause a gear change. That also ties in with #nodebate and the popularity of the soundbite style of Twitter removing nuance from debate.

2020-21 were toxically deranged.

There was some ridiculous phase in the late 2010s when posters complained that threads should have had warnings that they were light-hearted

Data leaks affected name changing and the sense of community.

There are frequently incursions of a political nature or lobby groups. The feminist tone has made us vunerable to attention from misogynists trying to put us back into obedient boxes.

But MN is still a dominantly female corner of the internet. It's still very supportive, particularly for niche areas. AIBU does not define the whole site. Although a tough skin and humour help with not getting sucked down by the trolls, contrarians, nit-pickers and puritans.

Me too. In fact I saved one lot. I suppose I shouldn't reply, but some of the things they said were so outlandish and dishonest that I felt if I didn't respond people would believe what they said.

Then they started to get my replies deleted - with success, and then would post: 'look how many of your posts have been deleted'.

The insults I have received are something else. I can only add that I am very glad Mumsnet got rid of that awful grinning emoji. I am sure they never intended it to ridicule, but it did.

I have occasionally been asked to respond when a post has had no replies for a few days. I am wondering if that is wise, now, because some posts were really nasty. When I said that the post was ignored, and no one wanted to help for 4 days and I was concerned. To which one said (and nothing helpful to the OP) we will remember you were the first to post', or words to that effect in another way.

I've been around a long time probably about 15 years and it used to be really funny at times. Now it's like posters either can't read or can't comprehend what they're reading. It's definitely got nasty there's quite a few people who've posted asking for support and it's been so horrible they've just closed their thread. Not really in the spirit of mumsnet even aibu. There's a big difference between being brutally honest and just fucking horrible.
There are still quite a lot of supportive posters especially regarding bereavement and cheating partners, judgy arses not withstanding.

I’ve been around for 15+ years and it’s defo got loads worse for this. I would never post a message for advice now - everything goes pear shaped and critical. It’s horrible. Always someone coming on to criticise and/or not read properly and dig the knife in. It didn’t used to be like this

I'm not sure it has changed that much to be honest. I think sometimes there is a little bit of a race to put the boot in. And some comments are just ludicrous.

Back in the day I joined MN over Netmums because it seemed a bit more honest (which meant, if necessary, snipey). Netmum's was all 'OMG babe!', ' U OK hon?' and agreement with the OP no matter what.
It did always amuse me that within a few replies on MN OP was being told they should LTB no matter what the thread was about (not the sarcastic ones!). But honestly, I probably think that more and more myself. Not because of my relationship (all good. No complaints). But because the more threads I read (and some RL stuff with friends influencing too), I am left continuely thinking 'WTF is wrong with you?! Why are you with this dick?!

I almost always say LTB. Especially when it’s yet another man who has pissed on the floor. What is with that?!

Define 'pious' please, and why it is 'joyless' to you.

Perhaps the cost of living is affecting people more than we realise.

I have just seen a perfect example of unnecessary meanness on Facebook. A lady in a wheelchair shared a lovely pic with a minor celeb on a cruise, the very first comment was 'You could at least smile, I would be enjoying myself on that holiday!' Reply from OP was 'I was smiling I have recently had a stroke'. Of course there was no apology, but I hope that idiot thinks before commenting in future.

Agree you can look up old threads from ten to twenty years ago and the tone is completely different, so much friendlier!

It seems like most days when an op posts a problem on here they get torn apart and every word over analyzed to find some mistake.

And my god some of the snobbishness anyone that dares reproduce without being a top lawyer married to a top neurosurgeon with a mortgage already paid off is irresponsible and setting their children up to a life of poverty

To be honest, right now I'd love to unplug the entire internet and throw it into an ice bath to cool it down for a bit.

Disabled people get a lot of stick.