To think Mumsnet is more vitriolic than it used to be?

[knowifIcando]

Or has it always been really bad and my tolerance levels are decreasing?

I must have been using the site for almost 20 years. There have always been trolls and disagreements but it’s getting mad. You see a post asking if anyone can recommend a good white gloss paint and you are asked if your DH will be doing the painting, why you’re not married, accused of not protecting your financial future and offered contraception advice.

Or you post to say that you’re sick of the same packed lunches and what healthy options can you make instead. You’re asked why you weren’t making healthy choices to this point, quizzed over your BMI and it ends with being accused of neglecting your kids,

Is it actually getting worse or is it me?

Oh God, yes, the, paragraph police when someone is sharing something quite traumatic and is invariably on the app or dyslexic or stressed or whatever.

100% on they’re not reading the OP too, usually something like ‘what does your DP think, OP?’, when the OP has said in the first paragraph that she’s a single mother or her partner has died or something equally upsetting.

I agree. I don't think it's anything like as bad as a few years ago. Bun fights all the time especially Saturday nights and all the usually suspects ganging up against one unfortunate poster. This doesn't happen nearly as much.

The pp that tend to complain were not here 10-15 years ago…

It’s really hard to say without sounding snobby and exclusionary - but I feel the lack of reading and comprehension skills has increased a lot.

There’s so many threads where OP states something clearly, yet the replies are clogged up with questions which are answered right there in the OP. Surely it’s basic courtesy to read the OP properly, before you reply.

And if it’s a longish thread then at least skim read the OPs subsequent posts. There was a thread a few weeks back where the OP was asking reassurance if her diet was ok for someone who was pregnant. Then in subsequent posts it became very clear she had quite severe disordered eating. But there were so many replies on the thread by people who had only read the OP and were therefore giving quite misguided and, potentially damaging, views.

Maybe it’s partly as 10-15 years ago someone would be sitting at a computer leisurely browsing Mumsnet. But now they’re on a smartphone, switching between lots of different apps, possibly which walking down a street or something.

MN is different now in its demographic. It's much better known than it was 10 years ago, the Daily Mail regularly lifting threads to fill its pages, Reddit posts, the TRAs who don't like women standing up for other women, all bring bad actors to the site. I'm sure there also some MRAs/Andrew Tate followers on here now - whenever a woman posts issues with her DH/DP there will always be a few trying to derail the thread with a poor menz, nasty lady not being kind/subservient enough approach.

Between them all it's no longer a relatively (in the context of the internet) quiet corner for women supporting women.

I was just thinking the same today OP. I’ve been here since I was 19, I’m 35 now. It seems to have become far more groupthink and it just depends which way the first few comments on a post go and then it’s just a pile on anyone who disagrees with that initial consensus.
Far less compassionate and nuanced than it used to be IMO. Yet here I am!

There just seem to be some quite spiteful responses lately. Or people piling on to bully. Reminds me of the stoning in the Life of Brian sometimes.

Have you ever 'dared' see the man's point of view?

You get accused of all sorts of things.

No it’s not you ..
A woman asked the last eve for recipe ideas , as her husband is tiring of the same dinners when he gets in from work ( perfectly normal ) ..
She was met with bad language in posts back , basically bashing her husband , giving out , things like “ I know what I would be telling him “ , “ tell him to f ( proper word used ) Off “ ! It’s ridiculous & it’s not nice to see ..

There are lovely kind people here aswel though ☺️…

I wouldn’t post anything! I’m at the point of being terrified of commenting … because someone will undoubtedly come along to say how very wrong I am …

I think those posters had a point. Why was she lumbered doing all of the cooking in the first place? It’s not ‘perfectly normal’ for women to do all of the cooking in 2025.

It’s this kind of low level conditioning that is being robustly challenged on here. It’s certainly not a bad thing in my view! in my view this is one of the strengths and gifts of MN, educating women to challenge their conditioning and the roles automatically given to them. We don’t have to be ‘nice’ or ‘kind’ thanks.

Totally agree! Posted a thread about private nursery setting losing four years worth of photos of my child. Got made to feel the most horrendous human being for actually wanting photos of my child and for expecting a paid business to handle my child’s data properly!! In the end I asked admin to delete post.

I would love someone to do a documentary on Mumsnet and the people behind the screenames!

on the plus side, there have been some amazing people on the site - genuinely lovely, wonderful souls! I guess it’s a snapshot of the good, the bad and the ugly on here! Xxx

That’s awful 🙁 I would be so angry and upset about my child’s nursery photos being lost so you have my full sympathy. Did they manage to find/recover them?
Let me guess. The posters who were nasty said something along the lines of: “The nursery workers have enough work to do without making sure photos don’t go missing.” “Stop being precious.” “Don’t you have photos of your own of your child?” I bet I’m close 🙄.

@funinthesun19all the above! And I’d totallt agree if it was a state run nursery! But having spent nearly £60k there I’m not happy! The changed app and were meant to send a special report to all parents with all images et. but a few of us never received it. It’s been seven weeks since I first raised the concern. It’s a big chain of nurseries and is nothing to do with the actual branch I use but their head office, which is shockingly run! Thanks so much for your sympathy xxxx

I still love coming on here and also still google specifically for mumsnet threads. It’s been so useful in my 20 years of parenting

I don’t however join in any highly charged discussions - just don’t have the time for that.

My favourite thread is still one from years ago when a mum admitted to fancying Daddy Pig!🙃🤣

I think people in general have got ruder and nastier. You can go back to covid and lockdowns to see when it really started changing. When you had the government pitting people against each other.

Very few people talk to you anymore, people just want to argue, moan and goad. Facebook these days is just a massive moan (parking, dog shit, teenagers).

This place is anonymous so it's easier for people to be rude and nasty.

I have seen threads like these for years, but people have sunk lower and lower, and the judginess has risen and risen. I don’t get people saying’bin him’ or ‘time to let this friendship go’ when the op has barely said more than one line- is everyone perfect to everyone around them all the time? Do the people who say these things never get anything wrong? Also ‘does he have any redeeming qualities op?’ Well yeah, presumably- do you not have any bad ones?!

I miss giant kitchen appliances going missing. (Was it a fridge that disappeared?!)

My kids often ask me can we change up dinners , it’s not a big deal !!!!
The OP asked for advice on recipes, that’s what she wanted , not whether people thought she does too much of the cooking in her house ..
Her husband worked long hard days she said, & she likes having dinner done when he gets in from work …You also have completely gone off point , turning it into something else , when advice that was asked , was any ideas for new recipes !!!!!!!

I've been on MN for many years under various usernames. I've been mostly on the relationships and politics boards. The latter used to be full of very thoughtful, well-argued threads, even during Brexit, though of course things were polarised and could get a little heated. But at least there were back-and-forths with arguments laid out and responded to. I feel like there's much less willingness to engage and more accusations of posters 'shutting down debate' when simply presented with a counterargument. That's reflective of wider society and I find it very dispiriting personally. Also like a PP said, it becomes almost entirely about the assumptions that are made about the poster than about what the poster says. That can't lead anywhere good.

Definitely been a change in the replies to the just asking for a bit of advice posts.

To take OPs white gloss paint for eg, you now have to write reams explaining why white, why gloss, why paint otherwise you'll get loads of 'but have you thought about dipping it in cow manure" answers that I just CBA to reply to.

I think there are also more trolls just totally on the wind up (whether starting threads or adding an argumentative and mean style to every thread they join)

woe betide you post on aibu and you’re not perfect in every way that you conduct your life!

I've been here over 10 years and can't say I've noticed it get worse, it was always pretty bad. COVID times were probably peak madness.

I've been on here since 2006. Bloody hell.

I agree with so many of these posts. MN has definitely deteriorated, but I think it reflects the general social deterioration in most areas of life. Everything is a fight club. People don't, or can't, read opening posts with comprehension, or they bring their own agenda to the thread, so they think they know what's being said.

The sanctimonious, withering contempt in some posts is awful. But I see this elsewhere. It's the DOGMATISM that concerns me. Everything is This v That - everyone has a stance and is convinced they're on the right side. I mean, things as trivial as whether you allow your pet cats to go outside or not!

When I click on a baity link in my MN emails (I have got to stop them coming) I rarely feel better for it. I think the way MN staff are promoting MN on other social media is terrible - trying to boost up controversial or fighty threads (often ones that have about five replies on), dropping clickbaity threads into other forums like FB.

MN has been such a force for good in my life. It's really sad to see how far below its original standards it's fallen. And yes, I miss the witty threads. Sometimes I go onto Classics to revisit favourites. It feels like that MN is gone forever now - if you try to be wry, or subtly witty on here now, 90% of time it goes over the heads of a lot of posters.

Nastier on Facebook and Next Door in my experience. The level of rudeness and insult there wouldn't be tolerated here.