Still in nappies at school

[ivehearditallthistime]

As the title says some children at 4-5 and 6 years old are going to school in nappies and are still not potty toilet trained.
I understand that some will and still have accidents at night and during the day.

But to have a child at that age still in nappies is just laziness.
It is not a teachers job to change nappies is it.
Ive just got back from my sisters whos son has a 4&5 year old still in nappies the school said he or the mum will have to come in school to change them as the teachers will not.

They now think this is all wrong and it is the teachers job.
And are removing both kids from school one does half day and going to home school.
I said no its your job stop being so f=ing lazy if home schooling is anything like your potty training good luck.

My eldest sister a teacher agrees with it and said this is happing more and more now.
A mum in her school has taken her child out of school because teachers will not change her childs nappy hes almost 6.
Said mum had a rant at the school because the school reported it to SS.

Dose anyone agree this is just lazy parenting now.

Sounds like lazy parenting in the case of your sister. Doesn't mean it is for all cases.

Unless there are serious additional needs I think this is shocking. It is not teachers jobs to potty train children.

My BIL is a primary school head teacher and says his school has loads of kids lacking the core strength to sit up for periods of time, who don’t know how to hold a pen, never mind write their names, who can’t count up to ten, who are in nappies, who aren’t socialised and don’t know how to play. He thinks a lot of it is a result of lockdown but that a lot of it is lazy parenting and parents opting out of any responsibility for their children’s development. Obviously having medical reasons for all these things is another matter.

I think we all agree.

Some children will be in nappies when they start reception because they have additional needs. This has always been the case.

Other children are in nappies when they start reception because they have not been potty trained. This used to be something that was a social faux pas but now it has become almost acceptable.

Lazy and ineffective parenting. 🙄

Well parents are too busy oversharing on social media to bother with the tiresome chore of potty training. World has gone mad.

It’s lazy parenting. And really shit parenting. By the age of four you should be using the toilet. Nappies? At 4,5,6? It was unheard of.

Completely mad. A child without additional needs is not ready for school if it isn't potty trained. It's not like it is difficult to teach them how to use the toilet.

My son is 4 next week, at preschool now and starting reception in September.
He is still in nappies, still having regular accidents, will only use the toilet a few times a day when physically taken to the loo but has not got the hang of it independently.
I used to be of the thought that it was lazy parenting or SEN, but I can assure you, I have tried everything over the past 18months to potty train him. He doesn't have SEN, is a bright child, just is choosing not to train.
I've had him in pants several times for several weeks each time, but the amount of washing generated and the time spent by his preschool teachers cleaning him up became unreasonable.
We've done sticker charts, rewards, and explanations. Nothing is working. Even had him cleaning it up.
He's been checked by the gp, diet is good, and now have a visit with the toilet training health visitor next week, both of which I have reached out for.
He is my 4th child, the first 2 were trained by 2.5yrs and the 3rd by 4yrs (but he had recurrent UTIs that caused issues).
I agree it isn't a teachers job to change nappies, and I am hopeful still we might crack it before September, and i do agree there is a cohert that perhaps do have lazy parenting or SEN. But don't assume or cast judgement. You don't know the details or ins and outs. I am certainly not lazy. And I am working with the school because of my concerns and pressures it puts on the the staff.

It’s absolutely shocking, IMO.

I think schools are absolutely correct to force the parents hand by telling them they must come in to do nappy changes. Most people don’t have the ability to do that every day, so it maybe helps nudge them on to actually parenting their child and teaching them this very basic life skill.

I wonder if trying to toilet train a 5 or 6 year old is harder than a toddler; surely they’re very used to the nappy and breaking the habit is tougher.

Appalling that teachers are ever expected to change a nappy. Just ludicrous. How does this work in practice? The class just waits while Mrs Smith goes to the toilet because Johnny’s nappy is wet? Come on.

Terrible for the child too - ridicule and bullying behind young and one way to stick a target on your child is to have them seen as a baby by their peers.

My DD is autistic but we didn’t know until she was 9. She still had lots of accidents at age 4 although wasn’t in nappies and apparently this can be linked to her autism. Actually, she’s 12 and still struggles at times. She’s bright academically, doing fine in maths and was working above expectations in English. So SEN aren’t always obvious in reception aged children.

having said that, there are absolutely loads of lazy parents around, propping phones up in front of tiny children instead of interacting with them. So this doesn’t surprise me sadly.

Lazy parenting is one culprit. Parents being told to ‘look for signs of readiness’ is another thing to blame and pull ups are another.

Children and parents have no incentive to get rid of nappies because they are convenient and children don’t feel wet, so they don’t get uncomfortable or motivated to learn.

Towelling nappies were a great incentive for parents to potty train! Disposables are expensive though, especially for low income families. That in itself would have encouraged me to get mine out of nappies asap.

And going back, children weren't allowed to start school nursery age three in nappies.

We would defer their start. (unless evidence of SEN) until they were toilet trained.
It was amazing that the child was back for their free school nursery place within a fortnight… suddenly parents could train their child when they had to.

Context is everything, are you sure they are not autistic kids or other Sen children. My non verbal son was in nappies until the age of 8, not through bad parenting but because of his special needs, when he went nappy free was one of the best days of my life. He still can't speak but he's goes to loo for no 1 & 2 independently now 💪

Can you tell me how this happened for your son? I am in the same boat x

It’s lazy parenting. It didn’t happen 20 years ago. I would imagine if children have not been taught by school age (assuming no SEN issues) a parent will have difficulty to train a child’s muscles, brain etc.
Im sure I read somewhere that it is risky to urinate in a shower everytime as it teaches your body to release everytime you step into a shower and it is very difficult to retrain. Must be the same with pull ons at age 5/6.

@trainerapp my child was born first week into first lockdown and he can do all of those things.

Unless some serious health issues it really is just lazy parenting - shocking really

Sen is obviously different and kids can have underlying medical issues that only become apparent when you can’t potty train them but for the majority they should be out of nappies by 3 - magically this did happen when preschools could refuse them until potty trained, common when my dc were small, but now you cannot discriminate and not surprisingly kids are arriving in nappies. If parents knew they couldn’t start school until potty trained unless diagnosed with a medical condition the numbers in nappies would shrink quickly

Lazy parenting. My DC has SEN and was potty trained before school, yes it took us longer was definitely harder work than the other Dc but no way was I giving up and allowing them to go in nappies.

Any child in nappies at school at this time of year isn’t lazy parenting. School will have been working towards getting them out of nappies if appropriate. If school haven’t managed it by the summer term then somw thing else is going on.

Obviously different for other SEN children as some generally have medical issues.

Most parents now potty-train their kids much later than they did when I was a small child. So if the average age for potty-training is much later than it was, the ones who are lagging behind will also be much later, which means you have more kids of four and five who are still in nappies.

My mum worked in childcare all her life in nursery classes, preschools, playgroups etc and was then a childminder. In the 80s she worked mostly with three-year-olds, and none of them were in nappies - literally none. It used to be standard for kids to be potty-trained between 12 and 18 months and if they weren't out of nappies by two-and-a-half, it was really frowned upon. So if parents started potty-training a kid at 12 months and by 24 months the child still hadn't 'got' it, they had another two years to get it sorted before they started school. But if parents start potty-training a child at three years old and it takes the child a year to get the hang of it, the child will potentially be school age before they're out of nappies.

I'm not saying one approach is better than the other - I don't have kids so I couldn't really give a toss either way. For all I know, maybe there's some really important reason why sticking a kid on a potty at 12 months is terrible bad for them; I've no idea. But certainly if the average of potty training is now much later, the chances of more children still being nappies at four or five is inevitably going to be higher than they once were.

It’s becoming more common over recent years. Why is that? Parents are working and don’t have the time . I would leave the school if I had to change a 4/5/6 year old’s nappy. We have accidents of course but they can clean themselves if given the wipes etc.

In the inconvenient terry towelling days of the 1970s, parents couldn't wait to get their children out of nappies. Never mind, " my child isn't ready", it was a case of "I've had enough of the boil washing".