Still in nappies at school

[ivehearditallthistime]

As the title says some children at 4-5 and 6 years old are going to school in nappies and are still not potty toilet trained.
I understand that some will and still have accidents at night and during the day.

But to have a child at that age still in nappies is just laziness.
It is not a teachers job to change nappies is it.
Ive just got back from my sisters whos son has a 4&5 year old still in nappies the school said he or the mum will have to come in school to change them as the teachers will not.

They now think this is all wrong and it is the teachers job.
And are removing both kids from school one does half day and going to home school.
I said no its your job stop being so f=ing lazy if home schooling is anything like your potty training good luck.

My eldest sister a teacher agrees with it and said this is happing more and more now.
A mum in her school has taken her child out of school because teachers will not change her childs nappy hes almost 6.
Said mum had a rant at the school because the school reported it to SS.

Dose anyone agree this is just lazy parenting now.

I teach in a deprived area. We have had an increase in children starting Reception still in nappies but that is down to the increase of children with additional needs. We haven't seen any increase in children without additional needs wearing nappies.

Until you have a child with long term continence issues, you have absolutely no idea. Rather than "lazy parenting" I have spent years working on this with my son, and threads like this are what led to me not speaking to anyone about what we were both going through for fear of judgement, and dealing with some of the roughest times of my life alone.

So because your disabled child managed to potty train every disabled child should? has it occured to you that not all disabilities are the same?

I am a primary teacher and the level of poor lazy Parenting will blow me away every year . I’m in this Job thirty years and the general situation is that a child at five cannot out on or take off their coat, open or close a lunchbox, put their shoes on the correct feet, wash their hands, wipe their bums adequately, wee into the toilet rather than on the floor and the levels of plaque on their teeth generally is astounding. The majority of these children entering g school are utterly untrained for basic care at their level

Maybe it’s time to reconsider the age that children start school? 4 is, by all international standards, far too young for primary school. 4 used to be considered old for toilet training but maybe we need to change our expectations. Nappy changing is not a job for a teacher, that’s a childcare issue. Increasing the numbers of classroom assistants, not just for SEN, might be an answer?

We had a parent tell our Reception teacher at New Intake day that they weren’t going to bother potty training their child because “ school will do it for us when he starts”.

My friends child was still in nappies at six he didn't have sen she did and he played her like a fiddle he wanted the nappies and would go mad for them screaming and demanding a nappy she would give in she couldn't cope the family support worker was there daily don't give in to him don't buy anymore but they were still in the house so they were removed he went ballistic we told him the shop was shut and he would have to use the toilet so he did took a few days of taking a very hard line with him his nan slept over and prevented her daughter from buying more eventually he settled and moved on but he was stubborn

I did post further down not all SEN children are the same so chill out.

A lot of parents have to work these days. Traditionaly mothers were at home while the fathers went to work, so they had time to potty train.
How are parents who work full time supposed to fit in potty training? Also there is a LOT more sen children nowadays, and they tend to be diagnosed late.
Some of these kids also have just turned 4 starting reception, which is very young. Ive always thought kids should start at 6 personally.

Unless there are special circumstances, summer is the best time for potty training, even if it’s a late as the summer before the child starts school in the September, both of my DS’ were potty trained by two and a half. With DS1 I enquired at a popular nursery school for a place, they wouldn’t accept children that weren’t potty trained.

Well then surely, as a teacher, if that’s genuinely what you’re witnessing, you’d be raising it with your safeguarding lead as neglect.
That said Children above compulsory school age with continence issues often have a disability, whether that’s diagnosed or not. Incontinence beyond age 5 is outside typical developmental norms and is often linked to underlying neurodevelopmental, physical, or psychological conditions. Under the Equality Act 2010, that meets the threshold for a disability, meaning schools have a legal duty to make reasonable adjustments.

So instead of assuming poor parenting, the professional thing to do is work with families to document concerns, seek referrals, offer support, and ensure children can access education with dignity.

Otherwise, you’re not tackling a problem you’re just perpetuating one.

Not read the whole thread, but agree that it is mostly lazy parenting.
We struggled with potty training , had to stop start but ours were ready for school.
I think unless there are reasons that cause difficulty such as health needs or SEN then the schools should refuse the children attendance as it’s unfair on the rest of the class when the teacher and TA are having to add this to their valuable teaching time.

If there are specific needs that mean that the child must be in nappies then the local authority should be providing additional provision to support the teacher not expect the teacher and TA to address this.

Just to add in NO WAY was i referring to any child with a disability.
I mean children that have no disabilities what so ever like my nephews children.

SEN aside, late potty training is very often lazy parenting, or worst case scenario, neglect. I work within the care system and most if not all small children who are removed from their parents are not potty trained, quite often up to the age of 6 and even beyond.

If they are so time strapped then they shouldn't have children! No-one would expect a stranger to clean up after their dog so why their child?

Yes, or at least offer some flexibility about it. My neighbours in the US have an older son that was not ready to start kindergarten at all. He had just turned 5. They had the option to skip it and start first grade the next year or to defer and start kindergarten in a year when he had just turned 6. They chose the latter. Their daughter however was very eager to start school and seemed ready, so they put her in pre-kindergarten at age 4 and she has done brilliantly. Each child has different educational needs and having some flexibility really helps.

Absolutely this( although I had tried to potty train).

My son, now in early 30s, was still in nappies at his third birthday( June). He was a clever articulate child but said he liked wearing nappies. He was not allowed to go to the local playgroup because he was in nappies, but was on the list to start the school nursery in the September.

In July we went for a visit to the school nursery and he loved it. The teacher said that unless he could use the toilet he wouldn't be allowed to start at nursery. When we got home I asked him if he had liked the nursery and he said he did and wanted to go. I told him that unless he could use the toilet he wouldn't be going.

It took 2 days for him to be able to use the toilet properly.

Long term continence issues ARE a disability. Like a previous poster said, it's often linked to conditions that may not be diagnosed until later, so it might not be obvious when they start school. I'm still trying to work out what's going on with my son after years of investigations, it's likely he might be neurodivergent but this certainly wasn't obvious when he was younger - his issues with the toilet were one of the first clues.

You put them in clothing they could mange, not something that looked good to strangers, we had our priorities right. The use of Pampers etc means that there's little incentive for a child to use the loo, the age-range of disposables in the supermarkets is staggering! Probably be selling High school nappies in a few years.

Just be aware that in may cases, SEN isn't diagnosed until later than the first few years of school so it isn't always down to laziness.

My son is 9 and gets changed at school due to a disability and in my experience, TA's do it rather than the actual class teacher.

It is fairly common for us to have 3 year olds in nursery who can’t
speak more than a few words, no sentences
still using dummies
still having a baby bottle
scream until they get their way

toileting is one of many problems. So many times I look at a few of them and think they’re no way near ready for school

What I find weird about this is that lazy parenting isn't a new thing. Many years ago there were much more feral children, from what I know, kids who were wandering around unsupervised all day. Kids who lived in abusive poverty stricken conditions, sometimes with very large families in cramped accommodation, yet I never heard of them not being trained. I could be very wrong of course but I'd be interested to know if this was the case. Perhaps the peer pressure of little kids being with older kids was part of it, but doesn't it seem strange that this is a new phenomenon? I wonder what the profile of the parents is? Maybe they are indulgent permissive types rather than neglectful.

I remember my ex wife refusing to believe that her grandmother had her mother and Aunt potty trained at 1

I pointed out that they were born in 1940 & 1944 so in addition to being in 'Terry' nappies there would be a shortage of soap and coal to heat the water to wash them in.

I do wonder if it was more a case that they were 'going' when placed on the potty rather that knowing when they needed to go but the result was much the same

Absolutely this. I was born in the 50s, my brother in the 60s. We were both potty trained well before the age of two.

My DM's approach was to let us run around indoors bare-arsed, and we were plonked on the potty at the first sign of wanting to pee or poo. She claimed it was just like house training puppies - you watch them like a hawk and get them in the appropriate place when they show signs of wanting to go, and reward them when they go in the potty.

I'm childfree by choice, so never put this into practice with a toddler, but Ma's approach works a treat with puppies!

It's a good point but I was still really late! Some kids are just lazy, never mind the parents. I was dry in the day by 2.5 but was late to be dry at night, and apparently my mum said to me one day that I'd be starting school in a few months time and couldn't still be in nappies as that was for little kids. I think a bit of "lifting" went on (waking me up late at night to take me to the loo) and then I was ok.

But the charity ERIC exists for a reason - not every parent is lazy.

This is something the Surestart centres could potentially help with if they were reinstated.