Still in nappies at school

[ivehearditallthistime]

As the title says some children at 4-5 and 6 years old are going to school in nappies and are still not potty toilet trained.
I understand that some will and still have accidents at night and during the day.

But to have a child at that age still in nappies is just laziness.
It is not a teachers job to change nappies is it.
Ive just got back from my sisters whos son has a 4&5 year old still in nappies the school said he or the mum will have to come in school to change them as the teachers will not.

They now think this is all wrong and it is the teachers job.
And are removing both kids from school one does half day and going to home school.
I said no its your job stop being so f=ing lazy if home schooling is anything like your potty training good luck.

My eldest sister a teacher agrees with it and said this is happing more and more now.
A mum in her school has taken her child out of school because teachers will not change her childs nappy hes almost 6.
Said mum had a rant at the school because the school reported it to SS.

Dose anyone agree this is just lazy parenting now.

I used to be a TA. I stood my ground that this was absolutely not my job, never mind that of the Teacher’s.

Single parent, I worked full time. I used my leave to toilet train my children. Out of nappies well before they were three.

Working full time is not an excuse.

Apparently, I potty trained myself at 11 months when I started to walk. That’s because we had terrry nappies, so knew when we were wet and it interfered with walking. DS is now 25 and he was trained at 2 years 3 months.

Have you ever changed an older child ?Becsuse I have my son is disabled and was in nappies untill he was 9 or 10 and it isn't pleasant if it's because parents are lazy than why would they want ti change nappies of a much older child 🤔
Also if the child themselves has no disabilities why are they still happy to be in nappies at six?

No teachers should have to change nappies. The school start age is the term they turn 5. If not ready for school they should have to wait until then and after that parents arrange to go in to change their child or withdraw and arrange their child's education. NT children potentially loosing their space will concentrate the minds.

SEN is the difficulty due to the lack of provision and special schools. Were children diagnosed much earlier years ago? I remember classmates in the 70s having the odd accident but not in nappies.

My own DC weren't allowed to go to playgroup at 3 unless toilet trained, that was in the 90s.

Never used to be a problem though. My youngest started school at 3 months away from 3, so still 2. Wore a uniform, could put his shoes and coat on and was potty trained.

I remember being in reception class in the 90s and having a little accident and I was mortified. But there are kids the same age now going to school in nappies!

Problem is not all DC with SEN are diagnosed at that age, so perfectly possible that there are some struggling as they did have additional needs. I’m sure it’s not all just lazy parenting.

Schools should be able to refuse to take children (non SEN/ medical) if they are not toilet trained. Teachers should not be expected to do this as part of their job and increasingly other support is not available due to lack of funding and an increase in other children with additional needs.

Our grandson isn't toilet trained. Large boy, looks older than he is. We never offer to look after him as we don't want to change his nappy. Parents are deferring his place at school, starting him a year late. I can't quite fathom the reasoning. He is such a bright boy and will be separated from his peer group through school. Just get him trained!

Yes well times change and thankfully we don't discriminate against children who are not toilet trained ( for whatever reason) anymore

Even disabled children?

My two were brought up in the 70s and were out of nappies by 18 months , so were all of my friends' children .

It was the norm then ~ we didn't wait for children to be 'ready' , we initiated the training ourselves .

I'm obviously NOT talking about children with disabilities , that's a completely different thing .

i myself had 2 children that was potty trained at 3 dry all day and night at 4 did have the odd accident.
My eldest has a learning disability but i didnt give up. To honest he was not treated any different just because he was slower he was not told every 5 mins that he had a problem.
Hes now a young man working ft.

I have a friend that has a 5 and half year old in nappies and a sippy cup because shes has anxiety and mild autism.
But the mum is constantly telling her you have anxiety sweet heart you cant help this that the other its not your fault you have autism.
Its kinda drilled in the childs head.
And to be very honest she plays on it there ive said it.

Not all SEN is the cause.
Not all kids need to hear that they have a issue every time something comes up.

It’s all very well to say it didn’t used to be like this but even 20 years ago it was much more common for one parent to be at home. I don’t think it’s that most of these parents are lazy it’s that they’re both working and physically haven’t got the time and energy to dedicate to 2-3 weeks at home to crack potty training. There is also a big rise in autism so I would imagine that there are a lot more SEN considerations than there used to be

I don’t have any answers but just some observations

Well they are not HTH
Maybe your grandsons parents are not divulging stuff about your grandson becsuse you are so judgemental?

Good quality childcare should be potty training on the days the children attend.

I am nearly 65. I went to nursery aged three. I don't remember any children in nappies. My DC are 30 and 27. None of their classmates were in nappies.

I also don't remember so many small children having developmental delays/SEN. It would be helpful to know why. Some were perhaps not allowed to go to school but lack of diagnosis back then would have to extrapolate to 4/5 year olds in nappies but it didn't.

It would be good to have some answers.

Some parents nowadays won't even tell their child off. So no shock that they won't take them out of their nappy comfort zone tbh

There may be some lazy parenting, but there are also some parents who have been trying for months and years and yet their child still has problems. I do think it’s unlikely that would be blaming the school, but to be honest when people have had struggles they really don’t need others rushing to judge them.

So while yes, I totally agree that parents should try their best to ensure a child is toilet trained by the time they start school, I think your generalizing is really not appropriate. This is a topic that needs to be approached with care, not blundering rants.

Learning disabilities range from mild to profound, just becsuse you manged to toilet train your child doesn't mean all parents with children with learning disabilities will

To the people saying terry toweling and poor access to soap and water are the reasons we're seeing an increase, maybe, but it isn't just that.

It was only the 1970s when children with disabilities were allowed to access an education, this was strengthened in 2001 with the SEN code of practice and reinforced by the EQ2010.

A lot of children before this time that weren't toilet trained just wouldn't be in school.

More and more specialist provisions are being closed down or being increasingly harder to access, waiting lists for diagnosis are getting longer, so there is obviously an increase in these children being present in mainstream from 4 years old, but without diagnoses.

Back in the day, you just wouldn't hear about them.

I've told the story before a few times across different threads about how my neighbour, the one who currently lives opposite me, had a daughter hardly anyone knew about who had obvious SEN. When my mum was a child and lived in this very house, she would call on the boy who lived there, and it was only when she was older around 10 that she learnt there was another child who was just hidden from the world because having a child with disabilities back then was seen as shameful, and their poorly understood behaviours would be slammed as poor parenting and it would be community gossip.

She was not an isolated case either.

So it isn't that potty training in schools was less of a big deal because these disabilities weren't around, it was just that these people weren't in school.

Even earlier in history these people would just be institutionalised.

We're just unfortunately in a place where we're pushing for acceptance but there are not the resources to facilitate these children who absolutely should be allowed to be integrated into society and receive an education, coupled with cut and underfunded services from the past 14 years of austerity.

If you'd like you can also add in the trauma and isolation of the pandemic, which many professionals disagree with, but then many progressional do agree with, which affects whole family units and their ability to operate, and as mentioned extraordinary lengthy waiting lists for diagnosis and support.

I was going to say the same thing !
It was dry or 3, back in the day .

I wonder if trying to toilet train a 5 or 6 year old is harder than a toddler; surely they’re very used to the nappy and breaking the habit is tougher.

I definitely think it is. I think its harder training a 3 yo than a 2 yo! They are more stubborn. At 2 they don't really resist, aren't scared of toilets etc, haven't got odd habits like withholding, hiding to poo etc.

People used to do it between 18m & 2 and there was a reason. Old enough to walk, language beginning so could understand/say "poo", "wee", "yes", "no". Small enough to use a portable potty that could be taken around with you, less stubborn so could be taught to go "before/after" as a habit e.g.

• before a car journey
• after lunch

Etc

I trained as a teacher to educate children, not change nappies.

I think this is probably what is actually happening if you talk to actual teachers.

There is a thread like this every week and in just descends into "lazy parents/ parents these days/ in my day we all toilet trained at 8 months" and makes SEN parents feel shit.

I was going to say the same. I took time off to potty train, so did my husband and most people I know

I work in a nursery and the majority of children were always potty trained before going into the preschool class although some might have accidents still. It has become more common for them to reach the preschool class in nappies now. Obviously I’m not including SEN children in this as their needs are different.