Still in nappies at school

[ivehearditallthistime]

As the title says some children at 4-5 and 6 years old are going to school in nappies and are still not potty toilet trained.
I understand that some will and still have accidents at night and during the day.

But to have a child at that age still in nappies is just laziness.
It is not a teachers job to change nappies is it.
Ive just got back from my sisters whos son has a 4&5 year old still in nappies the school said he or the mum will have to come in school to change them as the teachers will not.

They now think this is all wrong and it is the teachers job.
And are removing both kids from school one does half day and going to home school.
I said no its your job stop being so f=ing lazy if home schooling is anything like your potty training good luck.

My eldest sister a teacher agrees with it and said this is happing more and more now.
A mum in her school has taken her child out of school because teachers will not change her childs nappy hes almost 6.
Said mum had a rant at the school because the school reported it to SS.

Dose anyone agree this is just lazy parenting now.

My 3rd child took alot longer than the 1st two to toilet train though was out of nappies for school just pooing he had a problem with now sorted though at 5 took alot of convincing.

It's not like potty training is hard either just messy to start with. My 4th is potty trained for pees mostly and he's 2 and a half.

It used to be standard for kids to be potty-trained between 12 and 18 months

Many, many babies aren't even walking at those ages! No way could mine have had the motor skills to navigate clothing and wiping, let alone getting onto a toilet.

I don’t think anyone will disagree providing no SEN. But honestly I’m struggling to see this in real life. Four primary schools in our area, all with friends or my own Dc in foundation. No children in nappies known in any classes.

I do wonder if it’s a daily mail special

And the problem is that because of laziness, kids with additional needs are harder to identify and support because it a constant fight for assessment resources.

Nappies are not expensive at all and that is part of the problem, 28 size 8 nappies £3.58, when disposables were first common place nearly 40 years ago they were 50p a nappy. They are cheap these days and so absorbent that the children don't realise they are wet.

I used to think this was made up by Daily Mail types and beyond illness/needs it was false

But a family member still has her 4 year old in nappies, gives him bottles and dummies because it really does make her life easier.

I think she doesn’t want to let go of her last born being a baby and it’s really sad.

when he starts school in August he’s in for a shock I think

Mrs Smith can’t take him - she’s not allowed to leave the class unsupervised. It also takes two adults to change a nappy from a safeguarding perspective. It certainly does impact staffing and the children.

Some children are not ready (undiagnosed SEN, sensory issues etc) but if a child is ready, they do learn quite quickly. So even if left to the school (which it shouldn’t be), those who are able catch on. If they don’t catch on or want to be like the rest of the cohort, then staff will consider what is the barrier for that child. And yes, there are some parents for whom school is free childcare so they get a break, and are not interested in helping their children grow and learn in any way. I include behaviour in that too - they just don’t care enough to address it.

Two people have to change for safeguarding. This is unworkable in most classrooms. Also, for the child’s privacy this can’t be done in the class toilets as they are open to the other chn.

Firstly, a teacher these days cannot do things like administer medicine or even hug a child when they have hurt themselves, as they leave themselves wide open to abuse allegations. it is obvious, then, that changing nappies would be making them very vulnerable to these allegations
Secondly, a teacher's job is to teach, not do what the parents should be doing.
though there are obviously disabled children who would need nappies, I am assuming there would be provision made for them, or they would not be at a mainstream school
when my girls went to school, we were expected for them to be toilet trained (bar obvious accidents, as they do at that age), be able to dress and undress themselves (i.e., for PE), and know basic things like their name.

I remember they were expensive back in the day. However, when we have families using foodbanks, reducing any unnecessary expenditure will be a priority surely?

My son was in nappies in reception. He has a learning disability. Am I lazy?

Teachers can administer medicine, my childs teachers inject him daily!

Can you identify a single post which says children still in nappies at reception, including SEN, is due to lazy parenting? I can't see a single one. This thread isn't about you.

The problem is also disposable nappies. In a Terry nappy a DC feels wet and uncomfortable if they wee. This motivates them to use the potty. When my DC were young almost all DC were in Terry nappies and most seemed to be potty trained by 2. My DC were 18 months dry day and night for DD and both DS's dry during day time by 2 and 2 1/2 during the night. All there friends were very similar. Now in disposable nappies a DC can wee not not feel the wet and uncomfortable sensation so no motivation to use the potty.

My son was still in nappies when he started reception at 4 but he was extremely premature and somewhat developmentally delayed although you wouldn’t have know that from looking at him.

Whilst on the face of it children should, of course be toilet “trained” by the time they start school, “training” can only happen when a child is ready and my son wasn’t ready. Within 6 months it clicked and no more nappies, although he did regularly wet the bed until he was about 12.

It’s never nice to judge people.

My dd is 4 and in reception , still in nappies due to ASD and the teacher is happy to change her . It’s not laziness a lot more children have SEN now so you have to go on a case by case basis rather than judge all

Unfortunately not, the school my daughter is at, 5 children started in nappies last September, now only 1 still in nappies, and clear complex SEN, waiting for a special school place (I know due to being a governor).
And some are harder than others, my oldest was trained by 2.5, but youngest took until 4 to be reliable, she got extremely constipated no matter what we did, painful poos and developed a fear of the toilet. More than once we had to go to a and e to get her 'evacuated' (sorry tmi), turned out she had medical digestive issues, but took ages to get diagnosed.

‘They’re not ready’ is code for ‘it was taking time and effort and I can’t be bothered to give that to my child’

My son is 6 and still in nappies, and is autistic tbh.

The amount of times we have tried toilet training and brought in other agencies like the incontinence team, HV, Eric, GP, communications team etc can't help him because he's not developmentally ready.

I know the OP excluded children with additional needs but a. A lot of additional needs aren't diagnosed at this age and b. It isn't lazy to be having to change your child's nappies and pants every time they need one, it's more effort, so like you say... it would be easier and less energy consuming for kids to just learn to use the bathroom.

Something I noticed specifically before my sons diagnosis and before all of these interventions though was that toilet training advice seemed to change overnight.

In his infancy, we were constantly being told that we had to wait for signs of readiness. That trying too soon would cause bladder issues, urge incontinence, anxiety, trauma etc, and so we would be best waiting for signs of readiness. This was advice we received from the NHS when I was trying to toilet train from 18 months.

Then when he didn't show signs of readiness by 2 and a half when he was in nursery and children were getting ahead of him and I re-approached this with the NHS, the health visitor basically scolded me saying "why are you waiting for signs of readiness? That's a complete myth and children don't need to be displaying signs of readiness to learn to use the toilet!"

If I received this conflicting advice then I am also sure that hundreds or thousands of other parents also received the same terrible and conflicting advice too.

When we started trying again, the nursery told us they did not want my son in pants at nursery, they wanted pull ups at nursery and pants at home because it isn't their job to toilet train, and until children can consistently use the toilet at home they want to minimise accidents and staffing ratio issues by having children in pull ups to make accidents easier to sort. - well that inconsistency isn't going to help any children, but again we are in the middle of a childcare crisis too where there just aren't the resources to help children access the toilet. This is a nationwide issue, and again I bet I'm not the only parent to have faced this.

We obviously did try the 2 weeks off, no pants on in the house, going to a routine, praising lots, not making a big deal out of accidents, but then the transition back to nursery just caused more accidents and regression.

I think putting this entirely down to lazy parenting or SEN is not factual nor helpful. I think it's a complete lack of resource, no sure start centres, not being able to make informed choices because the information has changed so often, and a lack of consistency due to environmental factors.

I'm not saying there aren't lazy parents out there, and I'm not making a blanket statement, but I am just pointing out that a lot of information has changed, and the support you receive when you reach out is very minimal.

Somebody I know had a child who was still in nappies at age 6. Criticized by everyone, SS involvement, the works. Everyone blamed the parents, but when she was still wet at age 11 finally investigations were done. Turned out her urethra was too wide, and needed surgery. The powers that be had blamed her parents for years, even taking her into care at one point, and no Investigations were done.
Yes this is an extreme case, but the point I am making is that often SEND is not diagnosed until much later than 4.

Medical issues aside (and my eldest has a medical condition that means he is doubly incontinent and still in nappies at nearly 7, with no prospect of him ever being fully continent) I think there is no excuse not to be able to toilet training your child before they start school. My youngest is a July baby so one of the youngest in the year and is about to start reception, where he will be just 4 and he has been toilet trained for 18 months now. Yes, he has the odd accident/skid mark where he can be lazy and I think that is reason when starting reception but to still be in nappies is downright lazy from a parents point of view

Oh do fuck off.

I had one dry at night and toilet trained in the day at 18 months and one who took 4 and a half years.

I can assure you I didn’t do anything differently.

I don't understand how anyone can think having a child in nappies is lazy parenting, changing nappies is a huge amount of work not to mention expense compared to having a child use the toilet. I don't believe it's lazy parenting, I think there is always going to be more to it then that.

I think what we're actually seeing is a huge amount of children with ASD or other SEN that haven't been diagnosed or picked up. DS wasn't diagnosed till 10 - and no one had ever mentioned the possibility before that age.

The idea that it's lazy parenting is just judgmental bullshit by people who often know fuck all about SEN - and from my own experience I include teachers in that.

Good luck potty training a child with complex SN! I and fellow parents of children with disabilities must be a particularly lazy bunch!

My older ds was potty-trained around 2y6m. I admit that I was lazy with my second ds and made some half-hearted attempts to potty-train. It was when he was 2y11m that his nursery called me and said he needed to be trained by 3 years old or he won't go to pre-school that we really pushed it. He was fully trained in 5 intensive days.