Being labelled unreliable as a working mum

[Positivegirl]

I am absolutely working as hard as I can. Because I have to pick my child up from school I am now labelled as unreliable. I work extremely hard and I see colleagues at work completely slack, turn up late and not meet deadlines. I have been labelled as unreliable because I am a working mum. I don’t have another choice but to work, I let work know it’s half term but I still go hard I work 200% while my child is in half term and never miss a meeting or deadline. I do school drop off/pick up and run back to work. I travel for away days at work I run back to get my child and run back to the desk.

it’s never enough I’m doin the best I can and it’s heartbreaking to have people who don’t have children to tell me I’m not doing enough and that I am not reliable when I know I’m performing more than others. My project manger is always late, canceling meeting last minute and not meeting deadlines for us as a team to continue working. But I am unreliable as I leave to go pick my child up (in the hour that would be my lunch break as I don’t bother having lunch)

I feel like giving up I work for me and my child to give us a good life but I’m not doing enough there. Then in motherhood I’m working to hard.

im drained to the bone with judgment from both sides from people I know could not juggle what I do as a working single mum. Im fed up

This, definitely.
And what happens during school holidays???

Ok,

So the not wishing to pay part is fixable - go through the courts and get a maintainance order. He has a responsability to pay for his child. Unless he has signed away his parental rights? As then thats a different matter.

And even more so if it's someone who works for you and you are picking up the slack.

Op needs to get something in place for summer.

@Positivegirl do you have family who could help?

Consensus from whom? MN posters or your employer? I don't think anyone here has suggested you quit your job. Most are asking you to clarify your agreed working hours/pattern, what your contract states, who exactly is making you feel so bad and then suggesting things you could do.

You have repeatedly said you're doing your hours, the CEO has no problem etc, so I don't really understand what the issue is.

I don't know a single person (parent or non parent) who is available to work 24hrs a day or feels they are not doing their job well because they are not at the pub.

It seems that your line manager has unrealistic expectations or maybe has a personal grievance with you. I don't know how you then extrapolate that to "the whole world thinks working mothers are unreliable"

@Lourdes12 @Needspaceforlego Stuff like this doesn’t just start happening out of nowhere it usually means there’s something bigger going on with the system, not just individual parents trying to “scrimp on child care”

I keep being told I haven’t answered questions. We as a team have our own clients my clients are happy up to date and my work is organised meaning no one is picking my slack. My line manger is aware I pick up my child and come back to work with them in the evening. There is three of us in the company with children including the CEO. Us three will all have our children in the back and apologise if we have to. Meetings take place in the morning while my LO is at school. I do the bulk of my work in the day while Lo is at school. And I do the light work after. Most communication with clients is via email and if they want to have a chat a meeting is scheduled which is in the morning. It’s extremely rare to have an evening meeting.

my project manager I work with is happy with me to the point they have stated I keep them organised with their deadlines.

Funny enough my line manger has management training coming up as they have not had any before. I stand by the fact the team of colleagues are young and childless my line manager probably does not know how to manage me or maybe doesn’t like me as I also have a protected characteristic that is a big difference from colleagues

No one in the company who has children is putting them in extra childcare after school hours as we know it’s bloody expensive and the work gets done

Are their DC also toddlers? And what do you all do during school holidays if nobody uses "extra" childcare?

If all this is true, and you work completely independently from your colleagues, how do they know you are ‘unreliable’?
There must have been occasions when they’ve needed you and you haven’t been available.
That’s what you need to address. Burying your head in the sand and saying the way you are working is not a problem is not going to help you.

I find it shocking how aggressive some people, especially mothers, can be on here. If you watch the news, you'll see that thousands of women are leaving the workforce because childcare is ridiculously expensive, workplaces often aren’t designed to support working mothers and we are in the middle of a cost of living crisis.

Birth rates are at an all-time low in the UK. Kids are starting school still in nappies and parents are completely run ragged, not because they are lazy or irresponsible but because the system is failing us!

Are you concerned about birth rates, or your job? Because those are two very different threads. People are trying to help you, if you don't want to engage, what is the point?

'' I stand by the fact the team of colleagues are young and childless my line manager probably does not know how to manage me or maybe doesn’t like me as I also have a protected characteristic that is a big difference from colleagues''

Next reply
''No one in the company who has children is putting them in extra childcare after school hours as we know it’s bloody expensive and the work gets done''

OP, you keep contradicting yourself.

I have listened to the positive and I’m going to chat with the union and create a plan to present to them. I appreciate those who commented.

I am more in shocked by some of the heartless people in here

My colleagues has multiple children one is actually younger than mine

My line manger who doesn’t understand and my CEO and colleague who has children is not contradicting ?

Ok. So your colleague is also parenting solo 2 hours out of the working day 5 days a week? And neither of you use paid childcare during school holidays?
I'm just trying to work out if you're being singled out, or if you are behaving unreasonably and you are avoiding these questions.

People aren't heartless, people are seeing the issue, from both your side and the employer.

Trying to work and care for young children just is not possible you fail in your employment, fail your child and burn yourself out.

Op what has the union got to do with it? Has someone already started an personal improvement plan against you?

Me and my colleague have different line managers they are also single and also has a child who is autistic. They can put there foot down a bit better than me. I’m more introverted and get on with it. They will just say no which I am hesitant to do so the approach to us two are slightly difference as they are nearly 10 years older than me also.

But in general from speaking to them they have stayed it’s not best environment also.

reality is I need to put forward a work plan for now and look for another job

No one has started a review against me. But union can offer advice and support. Before I make plans

Op is English your first language?

That isn't what I asked. Based upon your repeated avoidance of any childcare related questions, I can only assume you are trying to work whilst caring for a toddler and your line manager is justified. So I guess you keep going as you are and see who has more pull with the CEO when your line manager decides they've had enough of you...

Plans to what?

It sounds like (apart from your LM having a bit of a go at you) you have a pretty good set up. Many people find it impossible to find a flexible working pattern that allows them to work full time as a lone parent with a 2 year old.

I'm not heartless, I'm just realistic. It is 100% impossible for anyone I work with to parent while working - it's in our contracts that we should be available in any working hours for meetings or to be on site or anything, at short notice or not. Of course as a manager and a parent I can't expect or deliver 100% success, but I work towards it. Illnesses, unexpected disasters, etc. happen but no one can plan around doing two things at the same time.

And yes I've paid for childcare and yes I'm in a privileged position to have a partner who co-parents with me and no it isn't easy and I've had to flex my hours and spend very little time not working or parenting... but that's just how it is.

My boss could not and would not allow me to parent and work simultaneously so you need to look at your plan. Being a parent isn't a protected characteristic, it's a choice. I'd ask to see their official policy, sit down with HR and your manager, and put together a proper plan. Maybe you could start work at 5am? Work a couple hours before your toddler gets up? We have been flexible with early starts or after bedtime work hours for very specific situations (I had a team member who was a single parent to 2 additional needs children after her husband passed away and worked 5-7am, school hours and then 9-11pm - I escalated this all the way through the HR team as it sounded like a terrible plan for her own mental health but she really couldn't work while the children were home and she needed to work full time)

I also can't work out your hours - if you are working 40 hour weeks 'and' have a nursery dropoff 'and' have a pickup at a mysterious time then how do the numbers work? it doesn't sound like your workplace is results oriented, it's time oriented so perhaps it's honestly better to find something that suits you better.