Being labelled unreliable as a working mum

[Positivegirl]

I am absolutely working as hard as I can. Because I have to pick my child up from school I am now labelled as unreliable. I work extremely hard and I see colleagues at work completely slack, turn up late and not meet deadlines. I have been labelled as unreliable because I am a working mum. I don’t have another choice but to work, I let work know it’s half term but I still go hard I work 200% while my child is in half term and never miss a meeting or deadline. I do school drop off/pick up and run back to work. I travel for away days at work I run back to get my child and run back to the desk.

it’s never enough I’m doin the best I can and it’s heartbreaking to have people who don’t have children to tell me I’m not doing enough and that I am not reliable when I know I’m performing more than others. My project manger is always late, canceling meeting last minute and not meeting deadlines for us as a team to continue working. But I am unreliable as I leave to go pick my child up (in the hour that would be my lunch break as I don’t bother having lunch)

I feel like giving up I work for me and my child to give us a good life but I’m not doing enough there. Then in motherhood I’m working to hard.

im drained to the bone with judgment from both sides from people I know could not juggle what I do as a working single mum. Im fed up

This.
I think you have every right to feel targeted and singled out.
Ask for clarification as this is adding stress to your life that is unreasonable and unwarranted.

You sound amazing OP.
It is very difficult juggling work and single parenting.
Mind yourself and ignore the usual nasty posts that love to give a kicking to a struggling woman.

It is a consistently unpleasant theme on MN, which is very tedious.

please go look back at your previous messages

You have been nothing but horrible.

so many people banging on about contracted hours.

The OP's CEO has made it clear that he/she is paying to do a job and as long as the job is done, he/she doesnt care about the rest of the time. The OP has made it clear that there are time when the workload is very heavy, where she has to work more hours. So I would imagine that over a year it evens out.

Just because some work places insist on "bums on seats" regardless of actual workload, doesnt mean all do.

Sounds like some of you are jealous that the OP has a pretty sweet deal!

Is the manager aware that your child is there AND you are the one looking after her?

TBH at 2 I don't think you can do both roles (work and childcare) at the same time - if your employer has the 'this is your workload and your timing on how you do the workload is up to you' then fine. finishing your work load when they are in bed or working more efficiently when they are in school/child care fine.

If you are trying to work while also providing childcare then you can't - because BOTH will suffer. When they are older you can - for example either myself or my husband will occasionally work at home - our youngest is 14, if we were in work he'd be home alone and be fine - because we are at home we will have lunch with him or get stupid questions which take 2 seconds to answer - your trainers are where you left them.

https://www.entitledto.co.uk/

Use this website to explore how much UC you could receive while in work. The number of hours you work is irrelevant for UC. They also help with up to 85% of child care costs

https://www.gov.uk/tax-free-childcare

Look at this regarding tax free child care that is in addition to free hours.

I think you’re being a bit OTT. You need child care for after school as you can’t work and look after a 2 year old at the same time. Either you’re neglecting work to do the child care or vice versa

Hi op, I'm a lone mother as well and also work full time. It's a very difficult juggle. I find some sectors lend themselves better to it than others. Can I ask roughly how much you are earning and what type of sector you're in if that's not too outing?

I think you need to look into whether there is a union that supports your sector and meet with them for advice. I'd speak again with your line manager and tell them you have received xyz clarification from the company ceo so you are confused about why your caring responsibilities are so problematic for them when your work is being completed within the expected time frames and to the standard expected. I would also look into any company policies that exist re: family leave/flexible working/ family friendly workspace etc. If they don't have these I would actually suggest these as something the company should consider in order to make them a more attractive employer and to help with staff retention and improve staff well-being by reducing the risk of burnout or stress related health issues. I would also be minuting every conversation with your line manager now that relates to your performance or working hours or use of time. Some managers have problems with needing to micromanage their staff due to their own lack of confidence and need for control. To me, this sounds like your manager is struggling to manage you but I wouldn't say that's necessarily your issue. Not having children doesn't mean you can't stretch to empathy and be flexible with your team. There are also creative ways they could manage any frustration within the team. Eg, in an old workplace there was frustration from childless staff about the number of part time/compressed hours/flexi working that was happening as majority of the team were working mothers. Manager was able to flip this and offer them the same benefits to use for their hobbies/ whatever they wanted and they realised that there's more than one way to exist in a well oiled team.

I would also meet with citizens advice to look into what financial support you're entitled to and what you would be entitled to if you were to claim uc and how much salary you could earn to maximise this. Let them do the maths for you so you can see your options laid out.

I would also consider meeting with a careers advisor, where I am there's free ones funded by the government and they'd be really helpful in looking at what might be a realistic career move for you that would help you balance things better. - thus why I'm wondering what sector you're in as you might already have transferable skills.

I don't think anyone is suggesting that. Many are saying that you are possibly not getting what you are entitled to and that you should check.

I am beginning to think this is one of those WFH jobs that only exist on Mumsnet where once again you can work whatever hours you want but get paid a full time salary, work with children.at home regardless of age and whether they might be a distraction, take time off whenever.
These posts seem to pop up every now and again but no one ever seems willing to share where to find these jobs as I would love to know so I can apply for one.

OP with all due respect, people have suggested things and helped you with your options. What exactly do you want people to say? If you want people to say your employer is being unreasonable - that's just not true.

You've had some really good advice on this page and I don't think you have any other options tbh.

Point at even one post that said that you should stop working and go in benefits. You can't, because no one said it. That's just you having a tantrum because the thread isn't going how you want.

This thread isn't going how you want because you admitted you're look after a toddler while getting paid to work, and you wanted everyone to just sympathise with how hard you have it and how mean your manager is being. They're no, you're taking the piss.

Maybe it's just my employer who wants you to do your paid hours regardless of how fast you are ...

In this day and age with technology. People probably shouldn't need to work 40 hours a week.

I went to uni studying communications. I started by volunteering in my local community. Got a job as a trainee and worked my way up.

we are all pretty young ranging from early 20-early 40s

it’s marketing role I can’t say what industry. But marketing is usually quite flexible.

I appreciate all the pleasant post i think it’s hard to understand the set up without seeing it in person

If you are confident that the CEO and HR are completely happy with your work and output then carry on as you are and ignore comments from your line manager. Or ask your line manager for more detail on any problems they have, so you can address them.

You are obviously working hard and doing the best you can, but some PP are questioning how many hours every day/week you are working at the same time as you are looking after your child. You can't really be doing either properly.

No the consensus is you need to work the hours you are paid.

What time do you start? 9am?
Then an hour off 3-4 to collect DC?
So you have worked 6 hours.

When are you doing the other 2 hours? After DC is in bed?
Or are you trying to work while caring for a young child. That is working and isn't practical in a long term basis. That's something you do in an emergency because you have no child care and your child is home sick.

You need to find a way to demonstrate you are working your contracted hours so the discussion around being reliable will go easier

I will respond to this last one asking about my work input. I asked her when have I not been reliable and there was only one time which I completely forgot I had annual leave and forgot to notify. I however worked in the morning to cover my forgetfulness. I asked any more times and she said no. There is no real evidence except one times. My manger stated she struggled to work from home as she need to be social. So maybe she struggled to understand why I’m not st the pub being social with them.

it’s a marketing role with good organisation you can get things complete in good time. And if I don’t it’s back on after bed time. Because emails csn be scheduled and content can be made when ever as long as it’s out on the deadline

this thread has been crazy. I’m unreliable because I’m not down the pub and I can’t dedicate every 24hrs of my day to “the cause”. Some people’s friends and work are all in one so it’s hard to understand others have lives. I was feeling frustrated because I am doing the best I can as a mother. But this thread has really knocked me back into remembering what a boss mum I am

My H has very flexible work. On DDs early close days he will focus on all the important tasks then collect her then will have her alongside him drawing or playing whilst he does things like emails etc in afternoon. DD has actually been on his knee during virtual meetings. If he needs to finish something big he will do it after I get home or DD has gone to bed. The company is very flexible and accommodating no one has to account for every hour. They don't have to be online at 9 and on every minute until 5. They simply have to do what they are responsible for.

It is a small company of less than 20. Many are parents. They have had one person leave the company in their 4 years of operation. They have likely saved a fortune n recruitment and training and have retained an committed and talented team who deliver their work to a high standard.

Not sure how you can work and take care of a young child. It isn't ideal.

It's not about being a mother though. Plenty of us mothers worked full-time and didn't look after our toddlers at the same time. I really don't know how you can do it, especially during the long school holidays. How do you have meeting and how are you able to work with any kind of focus with a 2 year old. I get that you can squeeze in the odd hour of work, but weeks on end?

I’d be pretty annoyed if a colleague clocked off at 3pm and I was having to stay until 5 for the same pay.

How do people work with a young child? No wonder they’re still in nappies and lacking skills when starting school

Loads of us are working mums too op, we just know its fucking impossible to work effectively with a 2 year old.

How most people manage is they pay for childcare for all their working hours. They flex things a bit that one time their DC is ill, or nursery shuts early, not every day.

Ways people manage this financially:

• get in debt during the worst childcare years and pay it off gradually
• seek better paid work
• have a partner/father contributing (where is dc dad? Why no cms?)
• save up before planning a family
• have family help
• reduce hours

I’m unreliable because I’m not down the pub and I can’t dedicate every 24hrs of my day to “the cause”.

No, you are unreliable because working hours are 9-5.30 and you are knocking off at 3 every day.

No, you can work and claim UC

This thread is nuts. But not for the reasons you claim op 😂🙄