To think child should have been told this years ago?

[Connected1]

So, friend (let's call him Al) married Bea, then got divorced after 6 or 7 years
Al goes on to meet Carla, they have a son David.

David goes to the school where Bea, his father's ex-wife is teaching. I always assumed that David knows all about Bea.

David is now 11 years old and Bea is his teacher. I just found out today that David has no idea that his teacher is his Dad's ex-wife.

Al plans on telling David about Bea when David is a teenager. I think it's crazy that David hasn't known about this since he was little.

I think he would have just completely accepted this as its no big deal. But not telling him makes it seem like it is a big deal.
Am I being unreasonable?

But she’s still his ex, so no different in status to any other ex girlfriend. I really don’t see why anyone would care their parent was previously married or why this kid needs to know.

Exactly this, and I'm still failing to understand how this is any of @Connected1 's business or concern.

The teacher should have alerted her head teacher and avoided this situation it's a weird conflict of
Intent

No it isn't. Show me the law or regulation that says it is.

I agree. My husband was married before, but he was divorced 12 years before I even met him. No kids and he has no pictures of her, no contact, we see no reason why the kids need to know about her. Actually one daughter does know, but the younger two don’t. I think they’d be pretty uninterested in the fact. We only told the eldest in case it ever got mentioned by a family member (it would only be on his side as I don’t think my family would ever remember that he had been married and certainly wouldn’t know her name). But actually, it has ever come up, so telling her wasn’t really necessary and so we’ve never bothered with the others. So many couples divorce, or live together with children together without getting married, him having been married for a couple of years 30 years ago seems of very little importance or relevance to be honest.

Edited to add that the ex lives nowhere near us and no mutual friends so very little chance of ever bumping into her.

He’s not related to her. there is literally 0 conflict of interest and anyone who thinks there is is wrong.

They were together years ago. They’ve both moved on. They had no kids. They’re just people who just used to be together, and in this instance the fact they were married is just as irrelevant as if they’d been long-term partners.

It’s likely that it’s not been kept a secret as such but that they’ve just never told him. As it’s none of his business.

As for people who think that he will be badly affected by knowing, or who say that they knew someone who was, that has more to do with them and the fact that some people feel the need to take someone else’s life and make it all about them.. There is no reason why any child should care what their parents did before they were married to each other. Unless there is any personal connection to them e.g. if there were other children etc.

🤣🤣🤣🤣
Just a little while ago you were accusing me of BEING the ex-wife.
You can't have it both ways!

Ive had several friends find out family secrets as teens, without exception it has fucked them up.
Whereas friends wjith similarly difficult issues have ma aged much better with knowing.
We're talking death of siblings, murder of relatives, adoption, parent being in prison.
Being truthful is always the best way in an age appropriate manner.

I don’t get the issue. My dc have no idea who my ex boyfriends are and if one taught my dc I wouldn’t mention it because it might make it weird. This is such a non thing unless the break up involved stalking or something crazy. Why does a young dc need to know about dad’s life pre mum when there’s no step siblings involved?

Yeah, cause being divorced from a childless marriage decades prior is along the lines of "death of siblings, murder of relatives, adoption, parent being in prison." 😂

"I'm beginning to wonder if the OP is actually Bea" is far from accusing you 🙄

They didn't have children so it's completely in the past. Being together for 2 years than married for 4 years before divorcing for example, is no more significant than being together for 6 years without marriage.

Don’t schools in general try to avoid putting teachers and children with personal connections together? One of my child’s friends at primary school had an aunt who taught Year 3 at the same school. Their class was given the other Year 3 teacher, as was their younger sibling’s class a few years later.

That's just weird. I attended a small country school and so lots of the teachers taught their own kids, there was no other option. Everyone seemed to survive the ordeal!

In with others who don't really think it's a massive deal.

I mean if they lived in a big city and it just so happened a dad at the school previously dated one of the teachers before he had kids then so what? Or if they lived in a small village it might make it even less unlikely as there's a smaller pool of people of a certain age.

Everyone has several exes from years ago, surely the fact that one happens to be a teacher shouldn't make any difference to the dynamic of the way the child learns in class? Or how the teacher treats them.

I mean, the teacher might not necessarily know their ex even had a kid at all, or at the school until the first parents evening.

You are being unreasonable for thinking this is any of your business

I have a prior marriage. It has never occurred to me to mention to my DC. It’s irrelevant.

Today - I dont think it matters one iota to David who his class teacher is or was married to. It keeping things simple for a child.

When David is no longer in Bea’s class then he could be told if his family chose to.

Parent-teacher conferences are going to be hella awkward.

Why? Why on earth is it worth mentioning if there are no shared children?
Does everyone tell their children about their ex BFs and GFs?

I agree. I don’t see it any differently to any other random ex. No kids, no attachment, it was meaningless.

This

Feeling sorry for Bea on the parents meetings and so on here! I’ve heard of situations where teachers have inadvertently slept with the parents of kids they teach without realising, but this is a whole other level. Assuming they didn’t have children themselves (al
and Bea) then to teach the offspring of the man you once loved and vowed to spend the rest of your life with, sounds awful to me.

I don't see why David needs to know his dad was married and it's a bit late to worry about his ex teaching his son now it's June.
I was engaged before met DH. It didn't end well and although my teenagers know now they didn't for a long time. No big reveal. I can't even remember how it came up but they didn't really care.
I know it's a bit different as she's his teacher but as she won't be by then I'm not sure he'll care.

Told what ? That Dad was married to someone else over 12 years ago ? Why would you tell child ? It's over and done with and doesn't impact on anyone else's life. Shrugs shoulders

I'm confused - the teacher is no relation to David & has no contact with his parents beyond the school how does this effect him ???

Also are there rules around this - telling a student about a teachers private/sex life just because you have access to her ex-husband ?

I'm assuming the schools loyaltys have to lie with the teacher here rather then a family who's child is just going through the neccesary years ?

Keep your mouths shut & just get on with it schooling wise, if it's one year he'll barely even remember it .... It's the adults here that want to stir up trouble & for what. Hopes she's remember him as the one who got away or try & kidnap his son ??