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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how to resolve this!

112 replies

Singleee · 10/06/2025 19:52

So, both kids go to their dads on a Sunday to sleep over, I prepare all uniform etc but it is getting really frustrating as the uniform never comes back. I also know he wouldn’t wash it (he has no washing facilities) so I don’t mind ensuring they look presentable for school but o am now scrimping for uniform. He has 2 lots of PE kits too. I can’t just keep buying more so what do I do. I wanted him to stop the school nights for this reason but obviously weekends are too special for his social life and won’t sacrifice them for his kids. Any ideas?

OP posts:
NicolaCasanova · 10/06/2025 19:55

They go on a Sunday,when do they come back and what do they wear then? How old are they?

TonTonMacoute · 10/06/2025 19:57

Are you saying DCs go to Ex on Sunday evening and he has to do the Monday school run?

Original poster
Singleee · 10/06/2025 19:58

TonTonMacoute · 10/06/2025 19:57

Are you saying DCs go to Ex on Sunday evening and he has to do the Monday school run?

Yes. They go Sunday morning - Tuesday

OP posts:
Original poster
Singleee · 10/06/2025 19:59

NicolaCasanova · 10/06/2025 19:55

They go on a Sunday,when do they come back and what do they wear then? How old are they?

I collect them from school on a Tuesday.

OP posts:
Original poster
Singleee · 10/06/2025 19:59

Sorry, they are 5 and 8

OP posts:
mambojambodothetango · 10/06/2025 19:59

Don't they come back to you on Monday wearing what he put them in? I don't understand.

mambojambodothetango · 10/06/2025 20:01

Oh sorry just seen they come back to you on Tuesday. Well he needs to give it back! Tell him he won't get to have them if he can't give you the uniform back.

Enrichetta · 10/06/2025 20:01

So they'll be in their school uniforms when you collect them from school on Tuesday…… surely…?

or what am I missing

mambojambodothetango · 10/06/2025 20:02

Also, it won't kill them to wear the same uniform Mon and Tues.

TheSlantedOwl · 10/06/2025 20:02

Just send them in one uniform. Dont include a set for Tuesday. Then they’ll come back to you wearing it.

Explain to the school that their PE kits must stay at school and ask for a teacher’s help to make sure you can pick them up on one of your days.

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 10/06/2025 20:05

Send them in old clothes for Sunday plus 1 set of uniform.

They can wear the same set Monday and Tuesday.

Or you can make sure your 8 year old brings the uniform home with them. Start reminding them, get them a little dirty clothes bag to take with them that they put stuff into when they take it off.

Original poster
Singleee · 10/06/2025 20:05

TheSlantedOwl · 10/06/2025 20:02

Just send them in one uniform. Dont include a set for Tuesday. Then they’ll come back to you wearing it.

Explain to the school that their PE kits must stay at school and ask for a teacher’s help to make sure you can pick them up on one of your days.

They have PE on a Monday and have to go to school wearing it. I have bought 3 sets recently and everytime I ask him to bring them back he says I am pestering him and to just buy it. Trainers etc that I send them in never come back and it is becoming really annoying. I had 4 pairs of school shorts for my son and some how he has ended up with all of them and now he has to wear trousers.

OP posts:
Original poster
Singleee · 10/06/2025 20:06

I send them to his on a Sunday wearing their worst clothes as I know I will never see them again. Coats are another one, if they don’t wear a coat for school one day, never comes back.

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Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 10/06/2025 20:08

Sounds like he's doing it to be spiteful then. Deliberate rather than benignly useless?

Can you talk to the school and explain the problem with him and ask if you can send pe kit in on Friday and collect it on Tuesday and have them go into school in their uniform and get changed. Your ex being a cunt is extenuating circumstances and maybe the school would want to help you.

Original poster
Singleee · 10/06/2025 20:09

I hate ringing him as he says I still love him and I really don’t. Can’t win.

OP posts:
Original poster
Singleee · 10/06/2025 20:09

Surely he knows that my eldest has PE twice a week and I will need it back. Instead I have to chase him for it and it is becoming so draining.

OP posts:
Heronwatcher · 10/06/2025 20:09

Tell the dickhead that he sends them back to you in full uniform, or you’ll go back to court and either ask for weekend only access or you’ll ask for enough maintenance from him for a full school uniform to be purchased every week.

What is he sending them to school in on Tuesday though? If they’re not in full uniform at school could you explain what’s happening and ask the school family liaison officer to have a word with him?

(In the short term school probably have loads of second hand uniform they’d be happy to give/ sell to you).

Original poster
Singleee · 10/06/2025 20:12

Heronwatcher · 10/06/2025 20:09

Tell the dickhead that he sends them back to you in full uniform, or you’ll go back to court and either ask for weekend only access or you’ll ask for enough maintenance from him for a full school uniform to be purchased every week.

What is he sending them to school in on Tuesday though? If they’re not in full uniform at school could you explain what’s happening and ask the school family liaison officer to have a word with him?

(In the short term school probably have loads of second hand uniform they’d be happy to give/ sell to you).

He sends them to school in their uniform On a Tuesday (they don’t have PE on that day) there are times when he has asked me to swap days due to bank holidays and there has been a few recently so he has ended it up with pretty much all of it as they went to his from school on the Friday and came back in their own clothes Saturday, can I just add they look so scruffy, ridiculously creased and I am not just being petty here, like literally a scrunched up newspaper.

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Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 10/06/2025 20:12

Sounds like he wants to cause as much hassle for you as possible.
So you need to talk to the school and find a work around that removes his power.
Or go to court re custody arrangements and ask the court to tell him to pack it the fuck in.

Or stop them staying with him when they have school the next day.

Original poster
Singleee · 10/06/2025 20:13

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 10/06/2025 20:12

Sounds like he wants to cause as much hassle for you as possible.
So you need to talk to the school and find a work around that removes his power.
Or go to court re custody arrangements and ask the court to tell him to pack it the fuck in.

Or stop them staying with him when they have school the next day.

I am thinking of doing this (although I really didn’t want to) I can’t think of anyway round it, I have asked him to do weekends and he said no he can’t.

OP posts:
Pineapplewaves · 10/06/2025 20:16

”Ex doesn’t have any washing facilities” so how does he wash his own clothes then? Send them to their Dad’s on Sunday wearing their Sunday clothes. Don’t give him any school clothes. He obviously has plenty already at his house so he can 1) go to the launderette or 2) go to the supermarket and buy them what they need or 3) return the children to you and he doesn’t have them overnight.

Original poster
Singleee · 10/06/2025 20:18

Pineapplewaves · 10/06/2025 20:16

”Ex doesn’t have any washing facilities” so how does he wash his own clothes then? Send them to their Dad’s on Sunday wearing their Sunday clothes. Don’t give him any school clothes. He obviously has plenty already at his house so he can 1) go to the launderette or 2) go to the supermarket and buy them what they need or 3) return the children to you and he doesn’t have them overnight.

Embarrassingly he takes bags to his sisters and she washes it for him.

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EuclidianGeometryFan · 10/06/2025 20:58

As @Pineapplewaves said, send them on Sunday with just the clothes they are wearing, nothing else.
He obviously has loads of clothes at his house. If he can't manage to find them the right uniforms for Monday and Tuesday, he will have to explain it to the school when he drops them off.

SamDeanCas · 10/06/2025 21:05

I’d speak to the school and see if you can provide school unifoms/pe kit to them directly and they change clothes there, and you pick up the dirty kit to wash and re provide. The same for coats etc. you can’t keep buying for him. If they say no, then he doesn’t get to see them during the week and no over nighters, clean clothes is a basic human need

Does he pay you CMS?

Pineapplewaves · 10/06/2025 21:05

If he can take his washing to his sisters he can throw in the kids stuff as well. He’s just at it and playing a game with you. Stop it now - give him no more school uniform. As pp, he will have to answer to the school when you tell them he has DC from Sunday to Tuesday and it’s nothing to do with you.