To ask how to resolve this!

[Singleee]

So, both kids go to their dads on a Sunday to sleep over, I prepare all uniform etc but it is getting really frustrating as the uniform never comes back. I also know he wouldn’t wash it (he has no washing facilities) so I don’t mind ensuring they look presentable for school but o am now scrimping for uniform. He has 2 lots of PE kits too. I can’t just keep buying more so what do I do. I wanted him to stop the school nights for this reason but obviously weekends are too special for his social life and won’t sacrifice them for his kids. Any ideas?

I’d just go back to court and have it mandated that he either provides the uniform, sends yours back or pays you for it. Or he has them Friday-Sunday.

Fuck running around talking to school and trying to make sure everyone else is on the ball because he is a twat.

I am going to try mediation to see if we can come up with something. It is pointless talking to him as he says I’m harassing him which I am not, I never ever call him really. I tried to talk to his mum to see if I could go through her to sort something but he then said I was harassing his family so I think this is the only way.

Apparently cms is for uniform (which he does pay) and I am fully committed to providing uniform but I cannot keep buying new ones because he cannot bring them back. He knows full well they have PE twice a week he could easily just put it in their book bag but no, it’s like he wants me to ring him so that he can tell me I’m obsessed with him.

I agree with pp, send them in their normal clothes Sunday and tell him that he will have to use the uniform and p.e. kit that he is hoarding at his house. He can take them to his sister's to wash too. If he complains, tell him you can't afford to keep buying uniform that disappears so he will have to buy more if he can't return it to you. If things don't improve, I would offer Friday to Sunday EOW and tell him to take it to court otherwise.

Don't send any uniform with them.when they go. Just the clothes they are wearing, seeing as he has loads of their uniform at his house

Honestly I would do whatever it took to not let them stay at all. I couldn't bear the idea of them turning up for school looking really scruffy. I couldn't stand losing everything I bought because of him. If you stop them staying overnight do you think he would take you to court?

We share clothes for SS across houses as they are effectively his so he comes and goes in what he pleases now he is almost 14. However I will sometimes find my stock depleted and have to ask his mum for a few trackies back and bits and she’ll bag them up for me. Can you not ask him to put all school items in a bag for the next time you collect/he returns them??

That being said we both send him with clean items so we both do the relevant care of said items.

Ahh, just read your updates, what a d*ck. Yes, send them in normal clothes and leave him to it!

I don’t understand, are you saying he keeps the uniform and sells it on the side or something? Otherwise why don’t you just exchange it at the next drop off?

And what do you mean he has no washing facilities? Does he buy new clothes all the time rather than wash his own?

Very strange.

FWIW, I do parent a child with my ex, and there’s always some frictional uniform losses (not least kids losing things at school), and clothes get mixed up with my clothes and put away in wrong place, etc. You definitely need more uniform to deal with that, but it’s not a bottomless pit.

so he’s got a PE kit for each of them and a uniform? Send them on a Sunday in just normal clothes and he keeps what he has got there. He can use that every Monday and Tuesday and wash in between.
you buy a uniform and PE kit to keep at your house and don’t let it out of your house.
if dads uniform comes to you on the Tuesday night then you can wash and give back the next Sunday if it doesn’t you don’t. Your PE kit never needs to go to his snd his PE kit never needs to go to yours

If its not at yours, it must be at his. So don't send them with any this Sunday. He can explain monday morning.

Can you ask the school if DC could change once they arrive at school as your ex is using this situation to harass you. That way the PE kit stays in school.

Agree with PPs, send their Sunday clothes and no uniform. Tell him to use what he's got. Also can you ask the 8 yo to have a root around in his house and track it down? Then they can give it to him to wash. Not ideal buy at least then you can prove he had it and couldn't be arsed rather than it genuinely being lost.

Surely if you sent them to his Sunday without a PE kit he'd send them with one of his? Wouldn't leave his kids without?

Like what's he hoarding them for?

They won’t be washed, probably just scrunched up on the floor and they will look awful. He said he can’t drop them off as he is at a festival so I’ve bought a new set of PE kit

I don’t know what he does with it, I have asked him so many times to bring what he has on a Sunday when he picks them up but he never does. So annoying

He also has 2 pairs of their PE school trainers so I’ll just have to pick some cheap ones up.

If he doesn’t wash his own kids clothes then that is neglect on his part!

You must be so frustrated he sounds like a right arsehole.

Surely he is responsible for providing uniform on his days? I’d send them in what they’re wearing.

Would it be worth asking the sister for uniform or offer to her to pick up the dirty uniform so she doesn't have to wash it

I have already spoke to her about it but then he told me to stop harassing his family so I deleted her number.

he honestly will not wash it, if he has them on a Friday and drops them off Saturday morning the clothes are so creased etc, like they have been scrunched up in a ball for weeks. I can’t let them go to school like that it looks bad on me.

I am looking into going to mediation to stop this, he can’t just not have the kids on a weekend because of his social life and when it suits him, especially when stuff like this is happening, I wouldn’t be bothered if he played his part.

I tried this. When I picked them up from school on the Tuesday they had their PE t shirt on with their pants/skirt and trainers. I can’t let that happen.

I’d do this. If he has uniform/ p.e kit don’t send any on the Sunday! If he moans tell him to buy some/ find what he already has!

He sounds absolutely useless! He can’t even provided basic clean clothes! Is he really this useless or do you think he does it on purpose?

He just isn’t interested I don’t think. He is the most selfish person ever which is why I ended it.

I think you just send an email to school/teacher letting them know that ex is responsible from here on out for their uniform/PE kit on Mondays and Tuesdays and copy him on it. Then stop sending them over with anything.

Do it under the guise of ‘if you need to contact us for uniform issues please contact the appropriate parent on the day’ or something else that makes sense.

If nothing else it will let them know it’s not you that’s sending them to school in crazy combinations