Dh’s mum slapped ds

[eeleeee]

Ds is 3, he screamed in frustration about something, never normally does so this was unlike him. Dh mum was next to him and almost like an instinct slapped him on his back to tell him off for the scream.

I was so taken aback but it’s been really bothering me. mainly angry at myself for not saying anything. I was in shock, and my main focus was consoling my son but I feel like I betrayed him almost by staying quiet.

she didn’t apologise or discuss it

I guess AIBU in the sense of, it was like a sort of knee jerk whack to say stop screaming, or am I right in feeling angry about it

That was in front of you

wonder what she does on “instinct” when alone

Did your dh see this?

Slapped hard? Or a nudge? I wouldn't do either, but one is unforgivable and the other is not great.

I guess it depends how hard, did the slap make a noise or cause him pain? Or was it just tap?

my mil has done this thing where she firmly taps them with an open hand and then points at them if they’re being naughty. It’s not my favourite but it doesn’t hurt them just gets their attention and I don’t think it’s causing them any damage

Well you can speak up now and remind her never to do this again or you’ll stop her seeing him. A child should never be hit like that. Awful.

It's not to late to talk to her about this and make it clear that if she ever raises a hand to your child again she will never be allowed to see him again. Be firm with her about it and speak to your partner.
Also don't let her see him without you as if she's willing to do this infront of you what would she do unsupervised

Talk to your Dh hopefully you are on the same team. Go to mil and explain you don’t hit and she must not hit ds either. I’d avoid letting her babysit until he’s a bit older

I think it's bizarre that you didn't say anything at the time 😳 I would definitely speak to her and tell her that she must never hit your child again.

Woah not ok.
You need to speak to her and never leave them alone together. If someone hit my child they would be totally blocked.

You didn’t say anything? He’s 3 for goodness sake if you aren’t going to speak up who is ?

Bizarre that you said nothing. I would have gathered up my things and left, whilst making it very clear she would never see my child again. You didn’t even discuss it? I mean you say she didn’t discuss it but you were there, you had the choice to make this a conversation and didn’t do anything.

Fucking hell. She needs to control her Anger.
Even if DS wasn't hurt physically, he would've been shocked and quite likely will be frightened to see her every time
Nasty bitch. Tell her bluntly that if she ever does it again, she will not be able to see him unsupervised again.

Understandable that in the shock of the moment you froze. You need to have the difficult conversation now though and make it clear that it’s unacceptable behaviour and it it’s made you wary of trusting her around him. Next steps then based on how she reacts.

If it was a slap (rather than pat to get his attention) you absolutely have to raise it. He's your son and needs you to protect him. Your MIL needs to know that she is not allowed to raise her hand to your child again if she wants a relationship with him.

You need to have stern words with her, and tbh, I wouldn’t be leaving my child alone with her, ever.

No one who thinks it's appropriate to slap my small child would be seeing them again in the near future.

I'd be furious and having very stern words. Don't keep quiet or she'll do it again.

Her instinct was to hit your child?

I wouldn't allow her near me or my child again honestly.

Your dh can still have relationship with her, you and your child don't have to be involved.

My mother slapped my son in front of me once during a meltdown. I cornered her and told her to keep her fucking hands off him or I'll be the one doing the slapping.

A mil wouldn't be any different but I get in the shock of the moment sometimes you freeze.

You can still stick up for him and that means an uncomfortable chat with your bloke at your side doing the talking.

My MIL thinks smacking is acceptable. I do not. Before we had DC and she said there's no issue with smacking FUTURE DGC, I kindly reminded her that "anyone that smacks my children, will get a smack from ME". She has never as so much raised her voice to our 3 DC. Unacceptable and she needs to be told!!!

You really need to speak to her about this to tell her how unacceptable this was. She has no right to slap your child. What does your husband say about this?

She simply wouldn’t see my child again. I would have absolutely said something at the time- you need to be an advocate for your child.

Bring it up.
Talk sensitively about it.
Discuss how you would like MIL to react in future, though if child, say, all of a sudden bites Granny, she might instictively protect herself again.
With the shock of the screech and the shock of the whack I can see why you also were shocked into silence.

It seemed almost like a defence mechanism - in defense of her ears..

I would not leave small children with Granny alone until they can talk and behave more like a school boy.

You're completely right to be angry about it. You don't say if she is still around or you are on holiday together or whatever. I would simply find a way to get her on her own and tell her calmly and factually that she is not to tap/smack/slap your child again. It is not her place to do so and you and DH will discipline your children as you see fit. You recognise that it may have been reflexive and also perfectly acceptable when she had small children but it isn't any more so she needs to contain her inclination and remove herself from the situation if your DS is pushing all her buttons.

I would not be accusatory about it. Ideally you want a conversation which if she takes dire offence to and decides to kick off to your DH about, you can say that you did not want to make a big thing of it as a once off and respectfully asked her not to do it again. The worst thing you can do is put your husband in the middle of this when you need him to be on the same page as you.

I also wouldn't make him have the chat especially if he wasn't there. If he was, he's quite likely to have barely noticed if she was quick to lay out smacks when he was a child. Better to have the chat and ask forgiveness later if needs be.

I probably would have slapped her to be fair.
Hiting a child never works or is constructive in anyway .
Positive reinforcement and encouragement.

She sounds like she has a short fuse herself but doesn't have the excuse of only being 3.
Needless to say I wouldn't trust her with a child alone

You definitely need to bring this up. As another poster said, if she did this in front of you I'd be afraid of what she'd do when a parent isn't there. I'd be prepared for your DP to play it down, he may think it's not a big deal if he grew up being slapped. I'd absolutely limit contact with your mil if she apologises,if she doesn't then no contact.