Dh’s mum slapped ds

[eeleeee]

Ds is 3, he screamed in frustration about something, never normally does so this was unlike him. Dh mum was next to him and almost like an instinct slapped him on his back to tell him off for the scream.

I was so taken aback but it’s been really bothering me. mainly angry at myself for not saying anything. I was in shock, and my main focus was consoling my son but I feel like I betrayed him almost by staying quiet.

she didn’t apologise or discuss it

I guess AIBU in the sense of, it was like a sort of knee jerk whack to say stop screaming, or am I right in feeling angry about it

Dh needs to tell her unless she apologises to ds she won't be seeing him again.
And mean it.

This needs nipping in the bud immediately

Ask your DH about his childhood.

Can you avoid seeing mil for a while to have a break from her. Be prepared with something next time … firmly tell her not to slap immediately after slapping.

Scientific research? You think I haven’t understood?

there’s a lab somewhere with small children having tantrums. Some of them are being left to spiral. Others being cuddled. Others being distracted. These labs are widely replicated across nations for reliable data.
the children will have chips in their brains for the rest of their lives to monitor the results, taking into account variables such as genetics, nutrition and environmental circumstances.

OP someone has hit your child and not only have you not said something at the time you are also questioning yourself enough to write on mumsnet. Obviously you’re not unreasonable and you are responsible for being the advocate for your child.

Would you say something if DH or MIL slapped you? You are your child’s voice.

Unless you are exaggerating and it was a light tap.

Aha, righto. Who funds these worldwide bunkers full of microchipped toddlers?

What for?

There is not a "lab somewhere with children having tantrums" - what are you on about? How would that even work?

OK hang on I am confused as to who is joking/being sarcastic now

what happened to the laughter emoji? Mine is gone. And I'd like to put one here.

“Scientific research” …….lol

She was violent to your child, you have to say something to her or it will fester, you need to know he is safe around her or she doesn’t see him. I wouldn’t wait for DH to tell her, you need to say something so she knows you mean business.

It was a joke.

I’m not sure about “have a calm word” if it was me I’d probably say smack my kid again and I’ll smack you and she definitely wouldn’t be seeing them for a while. I don’t know if she’d be seeing them again tbh… she smacked a 3 year old.

Are we thinking that there aren't people who are qualified in the science of Child Psychology and aren't writing papers based on research, making that scientific research?

I mean, we could just ignore all that and stick to slapping children and throwing water in their faces, of course. Whatever does it for you. Lol.

Of course there will be an overturning of the current approach in the coming decades. Which was my point. I think we got sidetracked by your clunky sarcastic shift there. We aren't still using many methods used in previous decades, because there is evidence to show that we can do better. This isn't new information, surely?

The fact that you are making excuses for your MIL's behaviour is unsettling. You say, "almost on instinct" and in a "knee jerk" reaction she hit him. Hitting is hitting and this was her response to your son being, well, a 3yo.

I can understand being upset with yourself for not speaking up in the moment. I struggle with this too. However, it is not too late to take appropriate steps.

Things to consider:

1. Your MIL hit another person's child. Yes, this is her grandson, but it is not her son.
2. She hit that child in front of his mother.
3. She didn't apologize to you or to your son but defiantly sat there while you consoled a toddler who had just been hit by a person 4 times his size.

This all says a lot about her sense of entitlement and lack of boundaries. She needs to be put in her place immediately or this attitude will manifest in other ways.

I would never let her be alone with your child again. And if she asks why you keep saying no to any requests, I'd tell her exactly why. Her actions, her consequences. Her complete lack of shame or acknowledgement that she majorly overstepped.

I'd also make it clear that if she ever strikes your DS again, she will never see him again, even with you present.

I'd make all of this very clear to DH as well, without making ANY excuses for your MIL, because there is NO excuse.

Its not bizarre, some ppl go into shock but it doesn't mean they think its OK.

Hmm, if this was me I am not sure I’d let her see him again. Hitting children is never ok in my book. You may feel this is not doable for you. In which case, I’d certainly bring it up, make it clear it’s non negotiable and if it ever happens again you will not be seeing her again. I’d not let her see him alone again ever in any case - you have no idea what she could do ‘without thinking’ when no one else is there.. You need to discuss this with your DH though - I hope you are on the same page.

You really need to reflect OP on why you said and did nothing. A grown adult assaulted your three year old child right in front of your nose, and you didn't act or say anything to protect him or make it clear it wasn't acceptable??

This sort of thing can really shape how kids feel around their grown ups, not just his fear around her, but feeling unprotected and unsafe with you.

When someone assaults a child, in front of you, you act. I'm honestly saying this with best wishes for you, but I would heavily suggest some reflection to try and identify why you sat back and did nothing. For your own sake and his.

why do people say that?

If she reacted in a way that is "normal" to her, why would she behave differently alone?

Don’t be ridiculous, nobody goes into shock becsue their MIL hit their child. Shock is something far more serious and trauma induced. OP went into ‘meek’ mode, not shock.

Because we all do this, it's not unusual to do things when unobserved that are socially unacceptable in public, or when someone else is watching, surely?

🤣🤣 your comment made me laugh so much ive spat all my tea out and its gone up my nostrils too. Yes im so ridiculous you got me . Of course she couldn't go into shock at seeing someone hit her child... and yet she did 🤣🤣🤣

Sorry but that woman would not be seeing my child any more unless she apologised. And would never ever see them unsupervised.

Fair enough to not want to confront her at the time, we are all different but I would have picked my child straight up and left. (If I was you - actually, if it was me I’d probably be in jail for slapping her back 🤣)

Hang on, someone HIT your child and you didn't DO or SAY anything??!!

I'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt with the 'shock' of it but you could at least be messaging her to let her know that if she ever does it again she will be picking herself up off the floor and never seeing her GS again.

'Kin hell.

Good idea!